Daughters wedding?

[dzalphakilo]

For those who have a daughter, I'm just curious, what percentage of the wedding tab will you be picking up (AKA paying for)?

Just reading "for better or worse" comic strip last night after work and this subject came up and got me to thinking, why does the brides family usually "cover" with the wedding bill?

Does it come from the "dowrey" (sp?) days where a man had to pay to have his daughter married off?

I don't have a daughter, so I can't speak from experience, however, I tend to think I wouldn't have the responsibility to cover the major expenses for a wedding if I did have a daughter (I would "chip" in however)

No, I don't think I'm a cheap bastard.

Honestly, seems kind of sexist.

Now, both my wife and I got married later on in life (mid to late 30's), but we both pretty much paid for our weddings ourselves, which was simple and really not that expensive, however still one of the most memorable days in my life.

 

[mtntopper]

DZ, I would pay for the majority of a first wedding which we did as is the custom. As far as any subsequent weddings, if/when, she/husband to be, would be on their own to cover costs.

Once is enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now in reference to you being a cheap bas*ard? No, you are just to ultra conservative to have a daughter and allow her to even date until she is past 40........

 

[Big Dog]

Well I almost went through it until she ran out on my son after preparations started .............. long story.

Here's how we were going to split it ............

Groom's parents ...

Rehearsal dinner
Reception liquor

Groom .....

Rings
Flowers

Brides parents .....

Everything else

 

[rback33]

Our wedding was fairly simple and traditional. My parents took care of the rehearsal dinner and the tuxes and wifey's 'rents took care of the rest. I know we would be on our own if either of us were to ever remarry down the road heaven forbid. One thing her Dad WAS clear about was the no return policy.... One thing they DID do at the reception though... it was a cash bar but they DID pick up the tab for the entire bridal party as well... Princess can tell you that it was one of the greatest, most fun days of our lives. It's strange how traditions change though.... I'll stop there for now... the wedding I was in last April was a WHOLE different ball of wax...

 

[dzalphakilo]

DZ, I would pay for the majority of a first wedding which we did as is the custom. As far as any subsequent weddings, if/when, she/husband to be, would be on their own to cover costs.

Once is enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's my question though, what "custom" and how did it originate?

Why only the first daughter?

Does that mean you love your first daughter "more" than other daughters?(and I know the answer is no).

Per BD's example, that's the "story" I usually hear as far as how weddings are "split" between the grooms and brides parents, but why?

Personally, I'd pay for part of the wedding for children, but it seems unfair that for some reason the brides parents are "supposed" to pay for the majority of the affair.

Then again, perhaps it's how you're raised and what your expectations are growing up. I don't consider my parents cheap, however when I went to college, the deal was I took out a loan and worked for tuition, and they covered my housing on/off campus. Seems to be the norm that parents are "expected" to cover all college costs for their children, or so I believe from talking with parents now (I just hear a co-worker complain all the time about the tuition costs at UNC).

 

[rback33]

I lived at home through college for the most part. I spent a LOT of time on campus though. I had a TON of academic and athletic scholarship money to make things easier to go to the local liberal arts school. I worked and paid for any balances that scholarships, grants or loans did not cover. I was on my own, as have been my siblings. They paid for most things associated with my sister's wedding which was VERY simple and will pay dearly when my baby sis gets married... yeah well SHE is another story....

 

[OhioTC18]

Why only the first daughter?

Does that mean you love your first daughter "more" than other daughters?(and I know the answer is no).

dz, I think what he means is, they will pay for THAT daughters first wedding, but if something happens and she remarries later, she's on her own. He would pay for any other daughters first wedding too.

 

[dzalphakilo]

dz, I think what he means is, they will pay for THAT daughters first wedding, but if something happens and she remarries later, she's on her own. He would pay for any other daughters first wedding too.

Makes sense.

However, why not cover your sons wedding?

 

[RoadKing]

A subject of interest to me. we have four daughters ages 32, 33, 34, and 35.

#1. Eldest, ( the stubborn one )dated a man we did not approve of moved in with him and we were informed 3 years later "we got married". No Cost

#2 Second, ( the logical one ) Met husband while serving in Desert Storm. Moved back here and decided to marry while still in the Army. There were some problems with illness in the groom's family so the kids decided to have a small, read very small, wedding which they paid for themselves. Again No Cost

#3 Third, ( the procrastinator ) Dated same guy for 5 yrs, split up for a year, then reunited and lived together for four years. Talked about getting married for the last three of these. They actually got 3 marriage licenses and let them expire. In early January while visiting we were informed, exact words, "Oh by the way ........ and I are getting married tomorrow. Again No Cost


#4 Youngest, ( the romantic ) First one to get married, groom's mother wanted to run the show and didn't realize I raised four strongwilled independent girls. Daughter and fiancee asked my wife and I if we minded if they eloped, we told her it was fine with us as long as they were happy. The night after the wedding we took both families along with an unhappy mother in law out to dinner. Cost about $500.00.

So I got away pretty cheap. My wife and I eloped when we married and that will be 40 years in two weeks. She insists she never missed having a normal wedding and I sure as hell didn't.

 

[California]

A subject of interest to me.
#1. Eldest ...we were informed 3 years later "we got married". No Cost
#2 Second,...small, read very small, wedding which they paid for themselves. Again No Cost
#3 Third,... by the way ........ and I are getting married tomorrow. Again No Cost
#4 Youngest, ( the romantic ) ... groom's mother wanted to run the show and didn't realize I raised four strongwilled independent girls....we took both families along with an unhappy mother in law out to dinner. Cost about $500.00.

So I got away pretty cheap. My wife and I eloped when we married and that will be 40 years in two weeks. ...

I like this.

My wife and I were married by her family's minister in her parents 1/3 acre beautifully manicured back yard/garden. We paid nearly everything, maybe $1000 in today's dollars. Most of the extended family attended. That was 35 years ago and we still think that was the ideal way to do it. We hope our daughters (independent, similar to RoadKing's) will make approximately the same choice as we did.

Before I retired I had put away $60,000 for college in each of their UGMA accounts. (That's the approximate cost for four years at University of California, in 2002). I felt I couldn't retire early before I had this money saved. Once I had accomplished it I felt nothing was keeping me working any longer. I retired in 1998.

At the time I told the kids whatever was left over from their college fund they could use for their weddings.

College costs increased since then so we put up a little money for each of them to finish. So their college/wedding funds are gone. Now since they did well in school we have promised half the cost of grad school, wherever they choose.

I think each learned to live within her means during college and I won't have any problem paying for a somewhat elaborate wedding if either of them chooses that. But I think each will plan her eventual wedding similar to what my wife and I did.

 

[OhioTC18]

I had sons................

 

[American Woman]

There are so many different religions and countries thrown together in the US until it's hard to say what's appropriate or not.
My first wedding cost the gas to drive to City Hall. Redneck and I were not getting married for the first time. So we paid. I BEGGED him to elope. He didn't want to disappoint his mother and sisters so I endured their cattiness and memories of
Redneck's first wedding
I hope this isn't off topic, but it is still a question about weddings. Feel free to remove if it is.
A girl at work planned for two years her dream wedding, plus a 2 week cruise honeymoon. She spent LOTS and LOTS of money of her own. This was a huge wedding to the man she lived with for five years...and was the same man she had an affair with while married to her last husband. Wait there's more....they have six kids between them. Now here's my question.....Would it have been appropriate to buy them a wedding present? Or any couple that has been married before, or lived together before marriage?

 

[ddrane2115]

For those who have a daughter, I'm just curious, what percentage of the wedding tab will you be picking up (AKA paying for)?

Just reading "for better or worse" comic strip last night after work and this subject came up and got me to thinking, why does the brides family usually "cover" with the wedding bill?

Does it come from the "dowrey" (sp?) days where a man had to pay to have his daughter married off?

I don't have a daughter, so I can't speak from experience, however, I tend to think I wouldn't have the responsibility to cover the major expenses for a wedding if I did have a daughter (I would "chip" in however)

No, I don't think I'm a cheap bastard.

Honestly, seems kind of sexist.

Now, both my wife and I got married later on in life (mid to late 30's), but we both pretty much paid for our weddings ourselves, which was simple and really not that expensive, however still one of the most memorable days in my life.

We paid for the place, food, flowers, I did the photog thing, brother did the cinematog thing, we paid for all the prints so far, bridal shower we did share on...............

 

[pirate_girl]

While I don't have a daughter, I paid for both of my sons weddings.
They both married girls from fairly poor families and I wanted them to have something nice.
The ex actually split the cost with me on the youngest son's wedding.
Wonders never cease lol
My first marriage was the typical whiz bang Catholic wedding.
The second, Steve and I got married in Leeds,England registry office.
No bells and whistles, but fun and full of zany last minute panic.
Our friends were late getting there to stand as witnesses, so he ran downstairs and asked a couple off the street if they wanted to attend a wedding.
p.s.- I do have a step-daughter.. she's on her own with whatever her future holds.

 

[Cityboy]

DZ.....

You know I gotta ask man....


WTF do you care who pays for a wedding?


You got no kids.


But you got lots a dogs & cats.....


I don't want to try and read between the lines here, but WTF is up dude?

 

[darroll]

I paid for all of my daughter’s wedding (all but the booze). This wedding cost a fortune as it was custom to invite the whole small town. I wouldn’t buy the drinks for fear of a lawsuit. I did get a chef and feed the whole town.
I asked the family if I had to pay for the whole wedding and they replied………… yes…
Can I cry now?
I think they are divorced, but they are sure closed mouth about it if they are.
Darroll

 

[Deadly Sushi]

I say both get gold rings. No diamonds. The wedding should cost $200. The reception should be no more than $500. $1500 - $2000 on the honeymoon.
If you have a million in the bank then multiply the above by 10. I dont believe in diamonds. Waste of money. Spend the money on something like a TV or save it

 

[American Woman]

I paid for all of my daughter’s wedding (all but the booze). This wedding cost a fortune as it was custom to invite the whole small town. I wouldn’t buy the drinks for fear of a lawsuit. I did get a chef and feed the whole town.
I asked the family if I had to pay for the whole wedding and they replied………… yes…
Can I cry now?
I think they are divorced, but they are sure closed mouth about it if they are.
Darroll

It's bad enough you spend all the money on a wedding and then they divorce, but to be left at the alter after all the preparations would be a big "ouch" too.

 

[mtntopper]

Makes sense.

However, why not cover your sons wedding?

Yes, we have done that also. I think what happens or should happen, is the parents with the most resources should carry the burden of wedding expense. For our son's wedding, we also covered most of the monetary expenses involved for all activities as the brides family just did not have the resources we did. I really do not see it as such a big deal, as responsible parents you do everything you can to help your children to become responsible adults and helping on wedding expenses is just part of parenting. Most women/mothers enjoy the act of preparation. Men such as myself, just go along hopeing everything works as the females plan and the day turns out great and memorable for the ones getting married. And that we do not trip as we walk the daughter down the aisle.

 

[Doc]

I say both get gold rings. No diamonds. The wedding should cost $200. The reception should be no more than $500. $1500 - $2000 on the honeymoon.
If you have a million in the bank then multiply the above by 10. I dont believe in diamonds. Waste of money. Spend the money on something like a TV or save it

Sushi, most guys would agree with you on this. But once a girl gets involved all that logic is out the window. Some gals dream of this extra special wedding day and they will not be talked out of it no matter what.

Over the past 7 years both of my daughters have gotten married. Both times we footed the majority of the bill. But we did it this way. We set the amount we would spend, if they wanted more it would be out of their pockets. We ended up spending over 11k for both weddings. One was held outdoors with a giant tent all decorated up for the reception. That worked out nicely. Once was done the conventional way at the church and then a hotel for the reception. That was easier on all of us for the work involved and we didn't have to worry about the weather like we did with the outdoor wedding.

Next on the agenda ...our son is planning to get married in Aug. 09. We've told them we'd help with his wedding to, but don't want to step on the toes of the parents of the bride. I'll let you know once the details of this one is worked out.

 

[Erik]

It never occurred to us to ask either family for $$ (or much help) for the wedding.
Tara doesn't like the politics associated with diamonds, so we have fairly plain bands.
it was a "small" outdoor wedding - less than 150 friends, family, and co-workers.
We paid for the Tuxes and bridal party dresses.
The minister we used is her cousin and didn't charge us, but we tipped him $50 anyway.
the wedding gift from my mother was to supply the meat for the meal from a highly regarded BBQ joint in Wichita - about $350, which was VERY appreciated, because it meant I didn't have to haul my cooker to the wedding site.
etc...

grand total for the whole deal, including mom's contribution, was about $1500 in 2001.

 

[dzalphakilo]

DZ.....

You know I gotta ask man....


WTF do you care who pays for a wedding?


You got no kids.


But you got lots a dogs & cats.....


I don't want to try and read between the lines here, but WTF is up dude?

To be speciffic, I was on the hopper reading the comic strips.

As mentioned, "For better or worse" is one of my favorites.

As mentioned, this happen to be the subject matter (although a comic strip, one of those that look at "real life experiences").

This got me to thinking why the brides family is "normally" supposed to pay for the majority of the wedding.

Thinking about this ssubject, I hear of the daughters families paying for the majority of the wedding.

Since the U.S is made up from various cultures and religions, this got me to wondering WHY it seems to be assumed that the brides family "covers" the wedding.

I thought I mentioned that

Just because some experiences may not relate to me does not keep me from thinking about it.