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Would you do it again ?

BigAl

BigAl

Gone But Not Forgotten
Love , marriage . commitment ?? I watch people around me end their marriage after 20 plus years . I just don't see how someone can do that after all those years .

I think I would be a lost soul without my partner of 21 years at my side .

We breathe as one , our blood pumps through the same heart . My hand reaches out and her hand finds it . Its reflex and we do not even realize it until we holding hands . I start a sentence and she finishes it .

Has marriage and the commitment gotten to a point where it is only temporary ?

I fear for the future of marriage and pray to God that my children may someday know what I feel in my heart every time I look in my wifes eyes .
 
I don't want to lose the one I have had for 34 years and I damn sure can't break in another. Most days we are glad to have each other. Other times we just leave each other have their own hobbies.
 
Ok now.. to get serious here.
If I could go back and somehow have done something differently to save my first marriage, I would have done it.
There was no saving it.

A woman cannot trust a man who fathered her children and was a constant in her life for that family, and then screwed it up, simply because of the fact that he couldn't keep his mind off other women.

So no, I wouldn't choose to do it again with HIM even though I saw him and mended those broken fences during the time my Mother was dying.

As for my darling Steven.. there is nothing in this world that would have made me want to part ways with him. I would have loved to have lived out the rest of my life with that beautiful soul.
God had other plans and took him from me, way too soon.
But, yes.. if I could, I'd have those 5 short years with him, all over again. ;)
 
BigAl said:
Love , marriage . commitment ?? I watch people around me end their marriage after 20 plus years . I just don't see how someone can do that after all those years .

I think I would be a lost soul without my partner of 21 years at my side .

We breathe as one , our blood pumps through the same heart . My hand reaches out and her hand finds it . Its reflex and we do not even realize it until we holding hands . I start a sentence and she finishes it .

Has marriage and the commitment gotten to a point where it is only temporary ?

I fear for the future of marriage and pray to God that my children may someday know what I feel in my heart every time I look in my wifes eyes .
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muleman said:
I don't want to lose the one I have had for 34 years and I damn sure can't break in another. Most days we are glad to have each other. Other times we just leave each other have their own hobbies.
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You two (four) deserve some credit for making the right choices in partners and for putting the effort into making your relationships work.

Some of us don't make such wise choices, and\or put the necessary effort into making it work. I suspect I'm guilty of both.

It's hard to restore your ability to trust another emotionally when you've seen a former spouse take on such a different personality in the context of a divorce, or after a divorce. It seems that invariably, at least one party to a divorce becomes entrenched in a state of bitterness, justifiably or not.

That said, I think I could do it again. But it will take a while to trust.
 
muleman said:
I don't want to lose the one I have had for 34 years and I damn sure can't break in another. Most days we are glad to have each other. Other times we just leave each other have their own hobbies.
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I'm only a couple of years behind you but that's where we are. I can't imagine life without her but she gives me enough space that I don't suffocate. Hey, you have to respect any woman that would put up with me for 30+ years.
 
I made two blunders before. Being young and navie. Seven years before
we met she was told I would be the one, the day I met her the Lord
told me "she has what you are looking for". Although the rest of the story
she was no know way ready and it took 10yrs, no joke. It's been 13yrs
and I thank the Lord for for her.
 
Its been 34 years for me too!
I don't think I would find another person to put up with me!
I don't think I would even try.

tom
 
We're married just a bit over 38 years, so it's too soon to tell how it's going to work out while we're still in the honeymoon stage.. I'll let you know if it hits 50 years. By then I should know if I would do it again.

Seriously though, with what we have been through together during all those years, with the mistakes and blunders we have made and been forgiven of and raising three kids that all turned out great in spite of going through those teenage years, I can't imagine finding another woman who would have gone through those times with me and still stayed at my side. I have a rare jewel that cannot be replaced.
 
I wish I could say the same as some of you. I think everyone starts out in a relationship hoping it will last for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way and some things done in a relationship just can't be undone.

In my case, after ten years of marriage, I got tired of being treated like the hired help and got tired of seeing the kids be constantly being ignored by their mother to the point where getting a tattoo was more important than putting food on the table or paying the bills.

I got tired of being used. I got tired of having my needs being thrown in the trash. I got tired of the ex spending money like it was going out of style for her own selfish needs while the kids and I remained at home being treated like dirt.

Things were just not adding up for me. The ex had moved out to Saskatchewan before us to find a place for us to stay and get a job. We were all set to move in August. I started adding everything up and it just didn't make any sense. We had a downpayment saved up for a house and had the house picked out. She spent the whole downpayment in a matter of two weeks and had nothing to show for it. When I confronted her about it and told her I was having second thoughts about moving, I knew right there it was over. She then confessed to having an affair. That is something I do not tolerate.

I had two big insurance settlements come in while we were together. She spent pretty much everything and left me high and dry. Once the money ran out, she had an affair and left me behind with the kids. The oldest boy is now living with his biodad and I have the youngest boy. So that, my friends, is my story.

Going back to the original topic of this thread....would I do it again? Who knows. Right now, I have a real problem trusting people. And, without trust, there is no way a relationship can work.
 
Wow..... I honestly can't even imagine how bad that must be ....

I wish you the best and pray you find the happiness,love and trust that a solid relation can give you.
Allen
 
Thanks guys. I know I made the right descision to get out. Sure it's hard on the kids...but in the long run, they know deep down who was always there for them. There's allot more to the story then what I posted but that's the nuts and bolts to it right now. Don't worry about me though. I'm much happier now than I was for the past few years.
 
i wished i could be like all you out there who have had only one spouse my first marrige broke up after 11 years and not because i threw in the towel. my second marrige just about came to a end after my deployment because of alchohol abuse just 2 months ago i was ready to take the kids and call it quits my wife got it through her head, and realized that she was about to loose every thing she had over stupidity and has now taken treatment seriously. she is a good woman how ever she had a hard time coping with me going away and having the faithh to know i was comming back . she has also made some moey related decisions that have cramped our living style i now work 2 1/2 jobs to earn the income necessary to keep things going never once have i bitched her out for the money stuff and there is light at the end of the tunnel. i was hardnosed about drinking i refuse to raise the kids that way. being a dad and a spouse is more than just fun to gether it takes work and a leader to make things work and some times it just can't work this will be the last time i get married if it don't work i will retire single . i have my ff buddys and my ham buddys i won't be alone.
 
Dunno. Been thinkin' this question over and I have to say that in order to do this all over again, she'd have to be pretty darned special.
Otherwise. Nope! I'll just graze, won't be eatin' off the same plate every day.
 
All I know is that if one day I do decide to take the plunge again, it'll be with someone who is as committed to me as I am to her. A one sided relationship will never work. It takes two people committed to each other for the rest of their lives.

I've always had a real problem with adultery and people who cheat. Can't stand people who do that. They disgust me! I had made that quite clear to the ex all along. She knows now that I wasn't bs'ing when I said that was the one thing I would not tolerate. Ah well....life goes on. I'll be in much better shape now. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting allot brighter by the day!
 
Married in June 1964,Both of our mothers were against it and vowed that it would not last, They may be right.....but we have out lasted both of them and we just keep pluging along. I married a read head, raised 4 more red heads. they married red heads and we have a buntch of red heads running around. lord I love those red heads....and my tractor!!!!
 
My situation was not that different than Brian's. I can tell you that it's tough to trust someone again, but my gf fights the same demons. We communicate very well. There is no doubt I will do it again some time, I just don't know when.
 
ki0ho said:
Married in June 1964,Both of our mothers were against it and vowed that it would not last
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The day I married my first husband, my Dad actually told me on the way to the church " you know you don't have to go through with this don't you?"
I was 17 and carrying Jeff, my oldest son at the time.

Back then it was a such a scandal for a girl my age to be pregnant, especially coming from a family who were known around town as upstanding Catholics who raised their kids right.

I went through with it and the marriage went through highs and lows.
However.. there was a day 5 years into the marriage when I knew it wasn't going to last. He began to get angry if he couldn't control me in every single aspect of that relationship.
Still I wanted it to last, and continued to think it would get better as time went on. The boys grew up, I was there for them and HIM.
He eventually wanted to have his cake and eat it too when it came to women.. I found out and tried to pretend it wasn't happening.

I left his ass eventually and moved out on my own very near to the house we raised the kids in so they could come and stay with me on weekends or my days off.

It's hard to trust again when your world had been shattered right down to the last detail of anything you called or loved as family.

After almost a year and a half on my own, a Florida vacation brought that nutty Englishman into my life and I was lost in love and adventure and wild times to what has without a doubt been THE best years I have ever spent with one loving, giving and intelligent man.

It took a lot of time and travel on both our parts to finally figure out that a fleeting 10 days in Florida would lead down the road to an unlikely marriage, but it was the stuff that dreams are made of. :wink:
 
Like Brian and Clarkson i have a marriage behind me,mistakes were made on both sides with the major one being we were young and sadly never really got advised or understood the seriousness of the commitment that we had undertaken.

We had enjoyed our lust and were not responsible hence married for the sake of a child,anyone that says a child can bond you together is lying and to be honest we should have committed to the childs future in other ways and not chose to commit to each other(abortion was not an option that would have been even more irresponsible....we both respected life more than that).

That marriage was over in 12 months and what a mess it left.

Ok all them mistakes put aside....

A bit older and much wiser i Married Sharon,we have 3 wonderful children and have been annoying each other for 18 years,we have had many issues we have confronted together other these years and not once has the light dimmed,our honesty with each other is the reason for our success,we both speak our minds and go to bed each night with no bad feelings.

So would i do it all over....yes....even the bad first marriage did have it's good points at times and i have my first child from that encounter....the marriage i have now is proof it was worth doing it all again,but with the wiser head on my shoulders it was done correctly and with the true understanding of the commitment i was signing up for.

Brian and Clarkson,good luck for the future,dont let the bad times you have encountered of recent times in any way hinder you having a Happy future with another partner,time does heal,it just has no set time scale.

I know im waffling again....i hope it makes sense.:wink:
 
I would do it again in a heart beat and I've been with the same woman now for 46 years. Was the smartest thing I did in my whole life really was.
 
As much as I rib Jan on FF ,there is no other person that I'd rather be around .
She is My soul mate, best friend ,and lover .
I just got lucky in finding Her .
 
I'd get married again in a second, so long as my current wife approves of her and let's her join us.............
 
Nearly 20 years and going strong. I love that man of mine!:wub: We've had our ups and downs and gone through periods where one or the other of us or even both of us thought about throwing in the towel but we recognize that love is a verb and we made a commitment to ourselves and then once the children came along, that commitment was extended to them. So, we just buckled down and worked on our own attitudes because we have found that most of our discontentment stems from our own thought processes and that is all we really have control of in the first place. In my times of discontent, I recognize it was my negative thought processes, my dwelling on his aggravating idiosyncracies. When I switch my focus to those admirable traits, over time, the respect returns and the love as well. Facing those hurdles, it seems they are insurmountable and throwing in the towel seems a good option. We are eternally grateful to each other for digging in. The other side of each of those hurtles has brought a new and better dimension to our relationship. There are still times I could smack him in the head but on the other hand, I've no doubt I try his patience, as well. He is a good man and I'm thankful for him.
 
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