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Tidbits and Groaners II
- Thread starter Doc
- Start date
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walk into a bar and order a couple of beers.
After a few minutes, a tall cowboy walks in and says, "Who owns the big
white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands up, hitches up his gun belt, and says, "I do...
Why?" The cowboy looks at the Lone Ranger and says, "I just thought
you'd like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rush outside, and sure enough Silver is
ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger gets the horse
water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and says, "Tonto, I want you to run
around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make
him feel better."
Tonto answers, "Sure, Kemosabe" and takes off running in circles around
Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger goes
back into the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks,
"Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and answers, "I do, what's wrong with
him this time?"
The cowboy says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun running."
After a few minutes, a tall cowboy walks in and says, "Who owns the big
white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands up, hitches up his gun belt, and says, "I do...
Why?" The cowboy looks at the Lone Ranger and says, "I just thought
you'd like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rush outside, and sure enough Silver is
ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger gets the horse
water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto and says, "Tonto, I want you to run
around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make
him feel better."
Tonto answers, "Sure, Kemosabe" and takes off running in circles around
Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger goes
back into the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks,
"Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and answers, "I do, what's wrong with
him this time?"
The cowboy says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun running."
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
It's a booby trap.It's a trap!!!!
......... You mean booby trap.
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
If someone calls you fat, ignore them.
You're bigger than that!
You're bigger than that!
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
My friend Jack claims to be able to speak with vegetables.
It's true! Jack and the beans talk!
It's true! Jack and the beans talk!
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
Trump should start identifying as a female.
Liberals would either have to accept him as the first female president or the would have to admit the absurdity of gender ideology.
Liberals would either have to accept him as the first female president or the would have to admit the absurdity of gender ideology.
NorthernRedneck
Well-known member
1. In the 1400s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have 'the rule of thumb.'
2. Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...
Ladies Forbidden'... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
3. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander the Great,
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
4. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
6. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts...
So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
7. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.
'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
8. In 1696, William III of England introduced a property tax that required those living in houses with more than six windows to pay a levy. In order to avoid the tax, house owners would brick up all windows except six. (The Window Tax lasted until 1851, and older houses with bricked-up windows are still a common sight in the U.K.) As the bricked-up windows prevented some rooms from receiving any sunlight, the tax was referred to as “daylight robbery”!
Hence we have 'the rule of thumb.'
2. Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...
Ladies Forbidden'... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
3. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander the Great,
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
4. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
6. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts...
So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
7. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.
'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
8. In 1696, William III of England introduced a property tax that required those living in houses with more than six windows to pay a levy. In order to avoid the tax, house owners would brick up all windows except six. (The Window Tax lasted until 1851, and older houses with bricked-up windows are still a common sight in the U.K.) As the bricked-up windows prevented some rooms from receiving any sunlight, the tax was referred to as “daylight robbery”!