Try to be supportive and encouraging, and never give up.
My wife had a masectomy in early 2003 followed by chemo and radiation. Everything seemed to be going OK for a while, but during 2004 she started having some pain in her back. Those reading the scans and Xrays said they thought her problems were arthritic, but she was referred to an orthopedic doctor who insisted it was cancer. In February 2005 she had a 3L spondylectomy (3rd lumbar vertebra was removed) because bone cancer had weakened the vertebra and there was great danger that it could collapse and kill or paralyze her. While in the hospital for this surgery she contracted staff infection in the surgical site, around the steel bracing. After six weeks in the hospital and then six weeks of vancamycin (sp) she was released by the surgeon for chemo and radiation for the bone cancer. In July she was hospitalized again to determine the cause of severe pain. We discovered the staff infection was back; apparently the chemo reduced her immune system and helped it along. While in the hospital we discovered the cancer was also in her liver. From August to December she deteriorated steadily and was in severe pain. There seemed to be no hope, and the oncologist didn't offer anything.
Clutching at straws, we struggled and managed to get an authorization from our insurance company to allow her to go to MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston in December. The oncologist there told her straightup that because of her residual staff infection there wasn't much that could be done because all traditional chemo treatments compromise the immune system, which would bring back the staff problem along with everything else. However, there was one pill that MIGHT help, that didn't compromize the immune system as traditional intraveinous chemo treatments did... called Xeloda.
She started taking it 19 December 2005. At that time she was using 200mcg fentanyl pain patches and heavy duty pills for breakthrough pain. Any walking was with a walker, and trips away from home required a wheelchair. She didn't have energy to do anything, and spent most of her days in pain on the couch or in bed.
Today she rarely requires anything for pain. She spent about six hours out shopping (she drove herself). The walker and wheelchair are on a high storage shelf in the shop. I looked out this afternoon and she was on the golf cart picking up limbs after some winds yesterday, carrying them to the burn pile.
In November and December I was about ready to shop for a tombstone. Today she's not well, but she does have hope and can enjoy some of the day.
She still sees her original oncologist, as well as the one at MD Anderson. We asked him recently why he never offered this drug and he said that he had given her a "derivative" of that and that she didn't respond to it so he didn't think it would be effective. Thank God we tried someone else.
Good luck, and our prayers are with you.