Slant Eyed Polack
Active member
In the early 90s I lived in Tacoma, WA. There was a one-digit difference between my phone number and Ticketmaster's, so I was constantly intercepting their calls. One day I answered to a woman who had lost her mind.
"ABOUT F***ING TIME YOU F***ING ANSWER THE F***ING PHONE I WANNA SEE DOLLY PARTON AND KENNY ROGERS IN THE TACOMA DOME MOTHERF***ER AND DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME YOU DON’T F***ING HAVE ANY TICKETS CAUSE I’VE BEEN CALLING AND CALLING AND YOU C***SUCKERS DON’T F***ING ANSWER YOU LAZY MOTHERF*CKERS…"
When she finally came up for air, I said “Ma'am I’m so terribly sorry, you obviously haven’t heard.”
“HEARD WHAT MOTHERF**RS?”
“My goodness - I’m so sorry to be the one to tell you, but Dolly Parton died this morning, and the show’s been cancelled, obviously.”
Loooong pause.
“Ma’am are you still there?”
“What? What? Are you serious?”
“I’m afraid so, Ma’am. Ms. Parton’s limo was t-boned by a milk truck and they were unable to save her.”
Another pause, punctuated by some sniffling. “Oh my god, that’s terrible!”
“Yes it is, Ma’am. Kenny Rogers is so heartbroken he says he’ll never perform again.”
“OH MY GOD!”
She hung up to tend to her sorrows. It was a good day.
"ABOUT F***ING TIME YOU F***ING ANSWER THE F***ING PHONE I WANNA SEE DOLLY PARTON AND KENNY ROGERS IN THE TACOMA DOME MOTHERF***ER AND DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME YOU DON’T F***ING HAVE ANY TICKETS CAUSE I’VE BEEN CALLING AND CALLING AND YOU C***SUCKERS DON’T F***ING ANSWER YOU LAZY MOTHERF*CKERS…"
When she finally came up for air, I said “Ma'am I’m so terribly sorry, you obviously haven’t heard.”
“HEARD WHAT MOTHERF**RS?”
“My goodness - I’m so sorry to be the one to tell you, but Dolly Parton died this morning, and the show’s been cancelled, obviously.”
Loooong pause.
“Ma’am are you still there?”
“What? What? Are you serious?”
“I’m afraid so, Ma’am. Ms. Parton’s limo was t-boned by a milk truck and they were unable to save her.”
Another pause, punctuated by some sniffling. “Oh my god, that’s terrible!”
“Yes it is, Ma’am. Kenny Rogers is so heartbroken he says he’ll never perform again.”
“OH MY GOD!”
She hung up to tend to her sorrows. It was a good day.