Student Book Report: Compare & Contrast TITANIC and CLINTON

[Melensdad]

One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.


Titanic:
Cost - $29.99
Clinton:
Cost - $29.99

Titanic:Over 3 hours to read.
Clinton:Over 3 hours to read.

Titanic:The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica is forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica... Ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing.

 

[Dax949]

When I was in the 7th grade our English teacher assigned us to choose a book from the county library from which we'd need to do an oral book report three weeks afterward. When the three weeks had ended, he figured that everyone'd had ample time to finish reading their books and he told us:
"Children? Monday we'll begin our oral book reviews so if you need to brush up on the details of your book, this weekend would be a good time to do it. We'll start with student's last name "A" and go forward from there in alphabetical order so if your last name begins with "A" or "B" you'll be giving your oral report Monday.

Anyone not having their report ready when I call on you will lose one letter-grade and you'll need to do your report on the following day so be sure to take this weekend to finish reading your books if you haven't already."

There was a rather obstinate girl in our class whose name was Mary Brown and sure enough, Mary was called upon to give her book report on Monday:

"Okay, who's next? Mary? Are you ready to give your oral report?"

"No. I haven't finished reading my book yet."

"Well, Mary, there's no excuse really because you've had over three weeks to read your book and be ready to report on it. I'll have to take a letter-grade off for today and you'll need to finish your book tonight and give us your report tomorrow. Who's next? George, are you ready with your book report? ... "

So on Tuesday, Mary still wasn't ready with her oral book report. Nor was she ready on Wednesday so on Thursday we began the oral book reports with Mary:

"Mary? Do you have your book report ready today?"

"No. I still haven't finished the book."

"Well, Mary, do you think you've read enough of it that you can at least give a partial report on it? There's no point in putting it off until tomorrow because by then I'll have to give you an "F" so come on up here and just give us what you can."

So Mary got up from her desk and came to the lectern and began her report:

"The name of my book is The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumb-Ass."

By the time all the chaos and glee finally settled back down in the classroom, Mr. Kimmel just commented:

"Mary, I think his name is pronounced Doo-Maahs."