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UPS "GRIPE SHEET" Pilots and mechanics


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I ran across an old copy of a UPS airline gripe sheet. After every flight the pilot fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which tells the mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct and document the problems and the pilots can review them before the next flight.

P; Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
M; Almost replaced left inside tire.

P; Test Flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M; Probably because auto-land is not installed on this aircraft

P; Something loose in cockpit
M; Something tightened in cockpit

P; Dead bugs on the windshield
M; Live bugs on back order

P; Auto pilot in altitude hold mode has a 200 ft per minute descent.
M; Cannot reproduce problem on the ground

P; Evidence of leak on main landing gear
M; Evidence removed

P; DME volume unbelievably loud.
M; DME Volume set to a more "believable" level

P; Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M; That's what friction locks are for.

P; IFF inoperative in OFF mode
M; IFF is supposed to be inoperative when in OFF mode.

P; Suspected crack in windshield
M; Suspect you are right

P; Number 3 engine is missing
M; After a brief search, found number 3 engine on right wing

P; Aircraft acting funny
M; Aircraft warned to straighten up and fly right.

P; Target radar hums
M; Reprogramed target radar with lyrics.

P; Mouse in cockpit
M; Cat installed

P; Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer
M; Took hammer away from midget.

BTW UPS is one airline that has never had an accident. One wonders
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