Tidbits AKA Groaners

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Doc

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Re: Tidbits

Patient: Doctor I have a sore throat, I ache, and have a fever.

Doctor: Sounds like some kind of virus.

Patient: Everyone in the office has it.

Doctor: Well then, maybe it’s a staff infection.
 

Doc

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Re: Tidbits

Did you hear about the baby that was born in a high tech. hospital?
It came out cordless!
 

Doc

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I was taught to respect my elders.
It's just getting harder to find them.
 

Doc

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A good laugh is like manure to a farmer,
it doesn't do any good until you spread it around.
 

Doc

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Re: Tidbits

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping people from fighting with strangers.
 

Doc

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A man goes into B&Q and says, “I’d like to order 5,000 facing bricks.”

“Certainly” says the salesman, “Are they for a garage?”

“No” says the man; “They’re for a Bar-B-Q”

“Why do you need so many?” asks the salesman

“Well,” says the man “We live in a 3rd floor flat.”
 

Doc

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Re: Tidbits

At a traffic court, the judge asked the motorist: Tell me, why did you park your car here?

The man said: “Well, there was a sign that said
“fine for parking.”
 

Doc

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Re: Tidbits

A lady wasn't feeling well, so she went to the doctor.

Doctor asked if she ever had chicken pox?
Her reply: "No, but I have had chicken nuggets."
 

Doc

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Re: Tidbits

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just declare darkness the standard
 

Doc

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Re: Tidbits

Gun Permit
Yesterday, I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm for home protection.

When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said,

"Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!!!

They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer
 

rlk

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Re: Tidbits

Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
 

rlk

Bronze Member
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Re: Tidbits

The three biggest tragedies in a man's life:
Life sucks
Job sucks
Wife doesn't
 

waybomb

Well-known member
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Re: Tidbits

The average male has sex 89 times per year.
December is gonna be a great month.
 

Doc

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Re: Tidbits

A cannibal chief invited over another cannibal chief from a different tribe over for dinner. They sit down and eat the best meat.

After dinner, the visiting cannibal chief said, "Wow that was good! Your wife makes the best meat."
Then the other cannibal chief said, "Yeah, I'm gonna miss her..."
 

Doc

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Re: Tidbits

Mechanic, I couldn't repair your brakes,
so I made your horn louder.
 

Doc

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Re: Tidbits

THE 12 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS
1. Clearly misunderstood
2. Exact estimate
3. Small crowd
4. Act naturally
5 . Found missing
6. Fully empty
7. Happily married
8. Genuine fake
9. Fuzzy logic
10. Second best
11. Hard water
12. Pretty ugly
 
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