froggy2008
Banned
hey
well i dont know how to say it and i have to because yes it does feel better when you talk about things and family or friends arent the ones to turn to even if i could well this is all because of my dad he has i dont know how to say it well kinda runin my life in ways i dont know how to really repair it because i just turned 16 today which is sunday and since the summer of my 8th grade year which was -04- thats when i figured how much of his crap i couldnt take any more like i used to be kinda okay with my body and stuff but now im not and i cant change it and i dont know how and well the year of 04 i started to be bulimic which i have never been a big big girl which yeah im not small but im not the biggest girl youve sene and i started to see my body in a different way now and back then because i started to listen when he had called me all these names and i just couldnt handle all the things he was calling me and it was like a glass with water running in to it it just couldnt hold and more and ithen i just couldnt take it and then i started to be bulimic and it just so bad and stuff where i almost felt like i had to do it there was no maybes about it.....and so that has kinda in was followed me to this day....because know i feel like i cant even eat in front of my church group because im so scared as to what they may think so i go on and on like nothing has happen being bulimic has really mixed with my emotions in so may ways.....the words he was calling me like your worthless, your fat, my brother once said your a hafer and my dad gos not shes a full blown cow and stupid and everything else imagenable and i just couldnt take it and there bigger than me and them calling me all these names i thought maybe im bigger than i look but what do i know right.....my dad has spun me in to a world i cant get out of like i cry every time he calls me any name worthless mainly just because it hurts and so i started to get really depressed on topof the bulimia not cutting and bulimia that was all most un real to with stand and so it had been problay last summer i went out to colorado with my church group for iyc and i never ate out there when i was out there i ate 2 things the whole time we were out there and we were out there for 1 week and so about the 3 day into it we went to do community work and it was hot and we were picking up trash and so i was to and so when we were about done i almost feel done i was so dizzy and so i started to sake and stuff so then i started to get hot so the put me down on the floor in the building and then i was frezzing so then the ambulance was called and so then they took me to the hostible and they had put a half gallon of water in me.....that was so scary and myblood pressure was 160 over 120 and they said it was almost brain damaging. i lost 10 pounds out there....my dad once had pinched me and he gave me a brusie and it was there for a long time and you really have to pinch hard to get a bruise and then last thursday we were at walmart and me and my brother couldnt decide on what ceral to get and so when my brother decided what he whated he told me to GET OUT OF HIS FACEman o man was i mad that was so hurtful i thought man ill get out of your face completey for ever......see i weigh 220 and im 5'9 which yeah thats big but im active and play basketball and throw disc and shot in track and i know people tell me not to listen to people when thats harder than it seems because after a while everything sinks in and you just cant handle it....well your probley wondering well weres your mom through all of this lets see she left me when i was about 3 and my brother being 1 and so we would go visit her when we were young and so she decided to come to christmas one year i was problay 4 and she had got me this toy horse and buggy and so she wanted me to call her mom and so i didnt i said she and her and i didnt care i had not seen her forever there would be no truth to the word mother if i called her that so i didnt and so 2 years ago my dad was talking to some one on the computer and they told him that she had killer her self so i was thinking cut her wrist but no she had shot her self in the head.........because what life she had gone through was enough for her because she was an alcholic and problay was an prostitut and she wasnt worth much.....i miss her in ways but i dont in other ways.......i sorry im skipping around im just throwing stuff around at you.....lol.. well my dad does another thing that makes me mad is run at me like hes going to hit me and it scares me and makes me cry......oh and the other day he said to my brother stop what your doing or im going to beat you like your 10 again that really made me so very mad its still in my head well and no theres no counsellors i can talk to becuase i know how they work and how they call your parents after what they find out..........and i cant talk to family becuase the word passes well if you have addice or have some similar story let me know im not ALONE..
Thanks
love morgan
well i dont know how to say it and i have to because yes it does feel better when you talk about things and family or friends arent the ones to turn to even if i could well this is all because of my dad he has i dont know how to say it well kinda runin my life in ways i dont know how to really repair it because i just turned 16 today which is sunday and since the summer of my 8th grade year which was -04- thats when i figured how much of his crap i couldnt take any more like i used to be kinda okay with my body and stuff but now im not and i cant change it and i dont know how and well the year of 04 i started to be bulimic which i have never been a big big girl which yeah im not small but im not the biggest girl youve sene and i started to see my body in a different way now and back then because i started to listen when he had called me all these names and i just couldnt handle all the things he was calling me and it was like a glass with water running in to it it just couldnt hold and more and ithen i just couldnt take it and then i started to be bulimic and it just so bad and stuff where i almost felt like i had to do it there was no maybes about it.....and so that has kinda in was followed me to this day....because know i feel like i cant even eat in front of my church group because im so scared as to what they may think so i go on and on like nothing has happen being bulimic has really mixed with my emotions in so may ways.....the words he was calling me like your worthless, your fat, my brother once said your a hafer and my dad gos not shes a full blown cow and stupid and everything else imagenable and i just couldnt take it and there bigger than me and them calling me all these names i thought maybe im bigger than i look but what do i know right.....my dad has spun me in to a world i cant get out of like i cry every time he calls me any name worthless mainly just because it hurts and so i started to get really depressed on topof the bulimia not cutting and bulimia that was all most un real to with stand and so it had been problay last summer i went out to colorado with my church group for iyc and i never ate out there when i was out there i ate 2 things the whole time we were out there and we were out there for 1 week and so about the 3 day into it we went to do community work and it was hot and we were picking up trash and so i was to and so when we were about done i almost feel done i was so dizzy and so i started to sake and stuff so then i started to get hot so the put me down on the floor in the building and then i was frezzing so then the ambulance was called and so then they took me to the hostible and they had put a half gallon of water in me.....that was so scary and myblood pressure was 160 over 120 and they said it was almost brain damaging. i lost 10 pounds out there....my dad once had pinched me and he gave me a brusie and it was there for a long time and you really have to pinch hard to get a bruise and then last thursday we were at walmart and me and my brother couldnt decide on what ceral to get and so when my brother decided what he whated he told me to GET OUT OF HIS FACEman o man was i mad that was so hurtful i thought man ill get out of your face completey for ever......see i weigh 220 and im 5'9 which yeah thats big but im active and play basketball and throw disc and shot in track and i know people tell me not to listen to people when thats harder than it seems because after a while everything sinks in and you just cant handle it....well your probley wondering well weres your mom through all of this lets see she left me when i was about 3 and my brother being 1 and so we would go visit her when we were young and so she decided to come to christmas one year i was problay 4 and she had got me this toy horse and buggy and so she wanted me to call her mom and so i didnt i said she and her and i didnt care i had not seen her forever there would be no truth to the word mother if i called her that so i didnt and so 2 years ago my dad was talking to some one on the computer and they told him that she had killer her self so i was thinking cut her wrist but no she had shot her self in the head.........because what life she had gone through was enough for her because she was an alcholic and problay was an prostitut and she wasnt worth much.....i miss her in ways but i dont in other ways.......i sorry im skipping around im just throwing stuff around at you.....lol.. well my dad does another thing that makes me mad is run at me like hes going to hit me and it scares me and makes me cry......oh and the other day he said to my brother stop what your doing or im going to beat you like your 10 again that really made me so very mad its still in my head well and no theres no counsellors i can talk to becuase i know how they work and how they call your parents after what they find out..........and i cant talk to family becuase the word passes well if you have addice or have some similar story let me know im not ALONE..
Thanks
love morgan