Header image

Should I announce my relationship with a co-worker?

FrancSevin

Proudly Deplorable
GOLD Site Supporter
I have read all of the above and here is my bottom line on office romances.

Can you say Mine Field?

Even a close obvious friendship can put you employment at risk. It certainly changes the perspective of you managers and your co-workers.

Keep it on the downlow until there is a serious commitment to go further than dating and friendship. Then plan on which of you should find other employment. Yes, along with the personal changes that come with a committed relationship, there will serious changes at your place of employment.

After 50 years of managing people, and experiencing, first hand and personal, relationships spawned in the workplace, I can tell you it is a mine field full of unexpected, and often undesirable outcomes. Especially when one or both of the participants is already married.

That isn't your case so it will not be as dangerous or severe. But be prepared for trouble. And hope your relationship can handle it. Because if you break up, the after math can be brutal.
 

Ironpony

Member
Okay thanks. I will try to keep that in mind. It's just that it was only a seasonal job where I am contracted for 9 months so far, so I thought that it wouldn't be so bad if it was just seasonal, unless they want me to stick around after, at a small possibility perhaps.

However, in the post before about her being an advantage to get me into trouble, what would she say or do, to do that hypothetically?
 

Ironpony

Member
Well I mean would she be believed as much to take her side completely, if we have already been going out for four months? I don't think it would be just my word to hers though, because I have several messages from her over the last four months on texting as well as facebook, that would suggest that she was totally into the relationship.
 
Last edited:

FrancSevin

Proudly Deplorable
GOLD Site Supporter
The reality is, NO means No unless she said yes and changed her mind.
She could also say it didn't work out but you kept coming at her. Or she could just badmouth you
Or she could just ghost you and embarrass you with everyone else.

Are you really that naïve
 

Ironpony

Member
Good points. Do you think it would look bad to co-workers or managers more so because of our age gap, if it were to come out? I'm 37 and she's 21. But does that make it look worse, or do people not really care, as long as neither person in the couple is complaining about anything?
 
Last edited:

FrancSevin

Proudly Deplorable
GOLD Site Supporter
Given, or perhaps despite, all the advice presented here, I don't suggest you abandon your quest. Just be ready for the pitfalls and problems.

The heart wants what the heart wants. Left unsatisfied is the worst of pains. A good loving relationship is worth all the troubles caused. Just be careful and be ready for them.

I believe your question was "should you announce the relationship?"

Trust me, your co-workers know. When and if confronted, be authentic, don't deny it. I personally know of a case where a married woman was in a relationship with her boss. They would go out after work with the co workers, and party at bars. They left together. So between the obvious flirting and touching, the Co-workers knew.

When she came to her senses and broke it off, he was still the boss and everybody knew the details. Yet she went to work everyday like it was no big deal. All those giggles and whispers behind her back.....
It had to be hell for her. It sure was for her husband because, unbelievably, she stayed there for 9 more months until her husband took the bull by the horns, gave up his career, and bought a house 300 miles away.

They are still happily married to this day. Sh!t happens, be ready to deal with it.
 
Last edited:

FrancSevin

Proudly Deplorable
GOLD Site Supporter
Good points. Do you think it would look bad to co-workers or managers more so because of our age gap, if it were to come out? I'm 37 and she's 21. But does that make it look worse, or do people not really care, as long as neither person in the couple is complaining about anything?
Stop with the worry about age. Love has no age limitations.

Put it out of your mind or she will put you out of her"s.
 

Ironpony

Member
I'm not worried about it love wise, it's just some people reacted like I'm a pervert so far and wondered if my coworkers would likely feel the same.
 

FrancSevin

Proudly Deplorable
GOLD Site Supporter
I'm not worried about it love wise, it's just some people reacted like I'm a pervert so far and wondered if my coworkers would likely feel the same.
They aren't interested in your happiness. Ignore them.

She is and you are. Concentrate on that.

Remember, my advice is free and worth every penny.
 

echo

Member
Girls have the power in the labor force. This is why some bosses refuse to meet with the gals without having a third party in the room.
 

echo

Member
No, you are not a pervert. She has the power in a possible breakup if she wants to ruin you at work.
 

peterjoseph

New member
I've been dating a co-worker in my job for a few months now, and the Christmas party is coming up in a few weeks and if we go, I was wondering, if we should go together and make it obvious since the people I work with are not aware of the relationship. I sometimes wonder if the employers would perhaps not be okay with it. It didn't say anything in the code of conduct about it, but still I wonder sometimes for our sake.

What do you think in this type of situation? Also, I could be overreacting maybe here a bit but there is an age gap between us and some people have looked down it or things like that, so wonder if the co-workers or managers would look down on that too maybe? But maybe I'm overreacting and maybe no one would care and it's irrevelant and we should just go as a date and make it obvious?

What do you think?
It depends on the designation of you and your partner in the office. To make it official in front of your co-workers you must be aware of it as it affects you or both of you in many ways. If both of you are on the same designation then in future such situation may occur that if one of you will get scold by someone and you may feel low and insulted, the chances are your partner will also feel the same.
 

echo

Member
The only reason that we didn't date the co-workers was if you breakup with the girl she can get you fired by claiming harassment, etc. We also did not like the older guys dating the new young girls because of their fear of being fired if they resist.
We had one case of a couple of employees secretly dating and went to one of our customers business and got caught in a room doing it.
They explained that they understood that we had employees getting along but this was over the line. They also said they did not want them fired. Our company transferred him as far north as possible and her south as far as the company could reach.
 

FrancSevin

Proudly Deplorable
GOLD Site Supporter
The problem with most workplace tryst is that whilst both parties may be consensual it's damn likely one or both is using their employment as an opportunity for clandestine cheating on their mates.

Ah,
honey, I have to work late tonite. A lunchtime tryst needs no such explanations.

That never works out well.
 

echo

Member
My wife got used to me being gone.
Honey, I have to be at Travis AFB at 08:00 tomorrow.
Ok, send money. See ya
 

echo

Member
The problem with most workplace tryst is that whilst both parties may be consensual it's damn likely one or both is using their employment as an opportunity for clandestine cheating on their mates.

Ah,
honey, I have to work late tonite. A lunchtime tryst needs no such explanations.

That never works out well.
I had a weird x wife. She fixed me up with her girlfriends, later I found out she was getting fixed up too.
 
Top