nursery rymes (for adults)

[emily91]

mary had a little lamb,

her father shot it dead.

now it goes to school with her between 2 loaves of bread..

hey diddle, diddle, thee cat did a piddle, all over the bed side clock

the little dog laughed to see such fun, then died of electric shock

jack and jill went in to town so they could by some sweeties

nnow they can't keep their heart rate down, because they have diabetes.

humpty dumpty sat on the wall,

humpty dumpty had a great fall

the structure of the wall was in correct
so he got copensation with claims direct

jack and jill went up the hill to have a little fun

stupid jill forgot the pill, so now they have a son

 

[loboloco]

Hickory, dickory, dock.
The mouse ran up the clock.
Caught his nuts on a spinning gear,
and now that little sh*t's a steer.

 

[m1west]

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water, first came Jill then came jack then came the goo outta her crack.

 

[emily91]

georgy porgy pudding and pie,

kissed the girls and made them cry

when the boys came out to play,

he kissed them too cos he was gay

 

[m1west]

Old king Cole had a buckskin belly and a rubber asshole, two tin balls with electric cock, he plugged it in and gave her a shock

 

[Lenny]

There once was a man named Santini,
who spilled gin on his weenie.
Being uncouth, he added vermouth
and slipped his wife a martini.

 

[loboloco]

Hey diddle, diddle,
the cat had to piddle,
the cow hung her tits on on the moon,
The little dog cried cause his ar*e was too tight
and the dish shot the sh*t out of the spoon.


Mary had a little lamb with a prick that was 2 feet long,
and everywhere that Mary went she always took her shlong.

 

[Lenny]

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jill's little brother followed them up so they had to fetch a pail of water.

 

[NorthernRedneck]

Hickory, dickory, dock.
The mouse ran up the clock.
Caught his nuts on a spinning gear,
and now that little sh*t's a steer.

Heard a more x rated version...

Hickory dickory dock
My ex was sucking my c....
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
And kicked her a$$ down the block

I talk to myself to get an expert opinion.

 

[NorthernRedneck]

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

Jill's little brother followed them up so they had to fetch a pail of water.

Heard another version of that one too...

Jack and jill went up the hill
Each with a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down with 2.50.
Oh what a horny bastard.

I talk to myself to get an expert opinion.

 

[emily91]

my cousin billy had a 10 foot willy, and showed it to the girl next door.

she thought it was a snake, so hit it with a rake
now it's only 5 foot 4