My Father

[300 H and H]

I suppose it was gradual, but from were I am it seems much quicker than I anticipated.
My father is slipping mentally quite fast. He called my yesterday about a "massive" amount of mail that has arrived. Today I will take time
to go and help him sort it all out. Monday we had a tax appointment, and I had to scramble to put together his information that he had thought he had given the tax preparer. His desk is suddenly a mess, something I am not used to seeing. For my life time I have watched this man do his business affairs' with out any challenge.
Now it seems that at 88 years old, suddenly his is not capable. Being isolated in his condominium in the facility he lives in has not been a help either I suppose. Covid has a price with our elderly. I am sure this isolation is part of this decline. His residence is beside our County Hospital, and they own and operate it. You purchase your unit, and they pay the bills. His phone bill is the only bill he has besides the $600 per month he pays for everything else. But as a business owner of a C corporation there is that to contend with. A few weeks ago he tasked me with the minutes of our annual meeting, catching me by surprise. My brother in St Louis is MIA, as his wife's health has prevented him from even making the 400 mile trip home, for the past 6 or 7 years, I have lost track.... He never saw my daughters grow up or graduate from High School... I need his help, but will have to do with out it on a face to face level anyway..
There have been some surprises that were good. Dad had thought that the trust fund Mom (she passed in 2011) and him had established (40 years ago) when my identical twin was killed in a car accident, had all been paid out to his only nieces and nephews... My two daughters. So he asked me to talk to our attorney about closing it out officially. When I checked at the Bank to make sure it was indeed depleted, I found 3 CD's a savings account and a checking account. All told $107K in value. Good news. It has to be paid out in the next 44 months before my youngest daughter reaches age 25. Soon we will start that distribution. But I realize just how challenged my father is to have not known this.... For me this is indeed a very bad sign.
So now my task list just got a lot more added to it. Couple this with my wife's mother becoming an angry person with the beginning stages of dementia and the situation is taxing my wife as we are the closest to her location, 15 miles from here. The wife is at her emotional limit dealing with an angry 79 year old who thinks the entire world is out to get her. When she leaves her apartment she knows some one has a key, and goes in and hides things from her, and uses her car at night while she is sleeping...
Some call this the "changing of the guard" part of life, and it is. But it is not pretty, to watch your loved ones deteriorate to the point both have.

Regards, Kirk

 

[Ceee]

He called my yesterday about a "massive" amount of mail that has arrived.

Some call this the "changing of the guard" part of life, and it is. But it is not pretty, to watch your loved ones deteriorate to the point both have.

Calling you about the massive amt of mail is a good sign. At least he has enough short-term memory left to understand that he needs some help and will ask for it.
It's not pretty to watch that happen, and it might only get worse. I hope that's not the case for your father.

Couple this with my wife's mother becoming an angry person with the beginning stages of dementia and the situation is taxing my wife as we are the closest to her location

I feel for your wife. An angry person with dementia is a lot harder to deal with than someone who still has some short-term memory intact.

I went through all this with my mother, and it is heart-breaking.

 

[300 H and H]

This morning my father and I went to the Bank. We looked at CD's and maturities of each. Then we put into place a monthly
distribution of the Memorial Trust that will automatically do what needs to be done.
The Banker was so happy we did so. To do this after my father is no longer with us would have taken several months to do with
out his consent. So glad we did so. I will sleep much better knowing this is taken care of.

My wife made good progress with her mother this morning as well. She was not angry and was willing to listen to reason. We still
have many bridges to cross before this is settled. Her other siblings have written their mother off as being to difficult to deal with.
She seems to ask and respect what I say to her, maybe because I am not one of her own kids. Not sure. But I will be there to help in any
way I can. We had her talk to an attorney, and damn good one to about an inheritance she received from her brother in Germany. (My wife was born in Trier Germany) After that meeting she assured us he was drunk...
She also thinks she knows more than the Doctors she constantly bothers. She is always dealing with urinary track infections, but never takes all her meds. She hordes what she doesn't take when she thinks she is better. The rest she keeps. We try and tell her to take them all to no avail.

Regards, Kirk

 

[FrancSevin]

I've bee there myself with my Dad and my best friend, who doubled as my FIL; Cathy's dad.

It ain't an easy time.

You have my sympathies and prayers.

 

[300 H and H]

Thanks Francis.. I really do appreciate it.

We will do the best we can. But indeed entering trying times.

Regards, Kirk

 

[300 H and H]

I bought my Father something call Previgen. It is not a prescription drug, but is an over the counter med.
Supposed to help with mental acuity and help with memory. Not exactly cheap, but when it is your fathers mind, very cheap if it helps.
Going to be interesting to see if it makes a difference. I bought two bottles , one extra strength and the other "normal" strength. He is going to load up with the extra strength version first. Fingers crossed. Prayers said.

Regards, Kirk

 

[m1west]

I bought my Father something call Previgen. It is not a prescription drug, but is an over the counter med.
Supposed to help with mental acuity and help with memory. Not exactly cheap, but when it is your fathers mind, very cheap if it helps.
Going to be interesting to see if it makes a difference. I bought two bottles , one extra strength and the other "normal" strength. He is going to load up with the extra strength version first. Fingers crossed. Prayers said.

Regards, Kirk

Watching your parents decline is never easy, I lost both of mine in 2014 but not without watching both of them decline for several years first. My Mom went to 83 and dad 86, when they got into there 80's it was like dog years, every year they seemed to decline 7 years until there was nothing left. You are doing the right thing taking care of them as they took care of you. So many loving parents get dumped at a facility when they can no longer do it themselves. Not much of a thanks for a lifetime of being there for others. Its a rough patch in life that has to be done. Neither of my parents were themselves when they passed. Mom was very angry at everything and Dad got silly and lost his modesty. Hang in there you will get through it and so will they.

 

[FrancSevin]

I bought my Father something call Previgen. It is not a prescription drug, but is an over the counter med.
Supposed to help with mental acuity and help with memory. Not exactly cheap, but when it is your fathers mind, very cheap if it helps.
Going to be interesting to see if it makes a difference. I bought two bottles , one extra strength and the other "normal" strength. He is going to load up with the extra strength version first. Fingers crossed. Prayers said.

Regards, Kirk

I've taken Previgen for a while. I cannot remember if it helped or not. It is expensive and Ii'm cheap so I am taking something else now. I cannot remember what it is, however, I can now find my shoes in the morning.

I'll look it up when I get home tonite

Something that will help with the frustration anger is a supplement called ASWAGANDA. It is a lot like Korean Ginseng but seems to calm people with no side effects. It is and OTC and not expensive.

 

[FrancSevin]

The brain suppleent I am now using is called COGNIUM. About $25.00 for 60 tablets that are smaller than a baby aspirin.

 

[jillcrate]

Im sorry Dad is having some problems,I will say a prayer things get better for him...... Your a good son buddy