3 married women are sitting around chatting about their married life and eventually the subject of birth control comes up.
The 1st woman says, "Well, we use condoms and they seem to work ok; we only have 3 children after 20 years of marriage."
The 2nd woman speaks up. "We use the pill and it works really well; we only have 2 children after 20 years of marriage."
The 3rd woman finally speaks up and says, "Well, we don't go for any of that fancy stuff; we use the bucket and saucer method and we don't have any children after 15 years of marriage and we have sex just about every day."
The 2 other women are shocked that someone could be married for 15 years and not use any conventional birth control and not have children so they ask the 3rd woman what the bucket and saucer method is so they can try it.
The 3rd woman says, "Well, I am 6 feet tall and my husband is 5 foot 4, and every time we have sex we are standing up. Now, as he is so much shorter than me, he stands on a bucket while we are doing it and I look right into his eyes the whole time, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him!"
REDNECK BIRTH CONTROL After having their 11th child, an Redneck couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger double wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beercan, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." So, the couple got a second opinion. The physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they wereRednecks. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . .", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand....