You all know that Mith got himself a new cell phone but couldn't figure out how to work it. So to help out the guy I called his phone so he could make sure it would receive a call. While he and I were talking he relayed this story to me about some conversation he had with French President Jacque Chirac. And as he was to humble to post it himself, I figured I would relay the story to you.
But I swear every word of it is true.
EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!
WAR BETWEEN ENGLAND AND FRANCE AVERTED
Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United States when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Mith down at the Harp Pub just a couple stones throws outside of London, England. I am ringing to inform you that we are fed up with the way you thumb your nose at the English speaking world, and we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Mith," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Mith, after a moment's calculation, "there is me, that is to say, myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Mith, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!" said Mith. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Mith called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some motorized equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Mith?" Chirac asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy says we can have his farm tractor 'till the weekend."
Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Mith, that I have 6,000tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Mith. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Mith rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Mith, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Two hundred thousand, you say!" said Mith, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Mith called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Mith, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and I'm afraid your army of two hundred thousand sealed the deal. We all decided there's just no way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners.
The best o' the rest o' the day to ya!