Do you see some weird obsession or is there something more to this story?


New member
Hi everybody, so my boyfriend ( 48/M) and I (32/F) we’ve been together for almost 3 years I had already talked about this and we kind of sorted things out, he apologized says he loves me and it was “ never with the intention of anything“ he said he felt comfortable speaking with me about it and so on, so I decided to give him a chance and start from there but recently I found out some things I didn’t know of which I don’t know what to think of, I have gotten many advice from other forum, to just DUMP HIM and move ON!! (I don’t know if you guys would advice the same, or give me a different point of view).

Below these lines I will give a brief explanation of my general situation, please read!! The paragraph that begins with a small ASTERISK (*) IN THE FRONT is where I tell what I discovered recently.

Around August 2016 my now boyfriend as an engineer that he is, started working on a luxurious residential building on the beach where he met this girl that caught his eye big time, he has talked to me about this girl a couple of times now ( last time was February 2020).So when he spoke about her to me, he always said how beautiful, model looking this girl is, that she had all these rich men sending her flowers etc, and that all the men that lived in that building were after her. He even said she had a coke bottle body , (she is a slim girl with a normal body but does not have an amazing figure as he claims she has).

Why in the world would he even exaggerate this woman’s attributes when I have seen some of her pictures and I know he is in fact exaggerating them, this woman is attractive, pretty, works in a nice place, maybe this make him see her even more interesting but nothing as he describes her to me.

They began to fully talk more around Jan-Feb 2017 , they never ended up having a real relationship ( I wouldn’t even say DATING for this matter) but I feel that he IDEALIZED their ”THING” way to much and was deeply falling for her, to the point where he even called her BABE (as I saw in some conversations of the things I came across, More details shown below and I repeat they didn’t even have a relationship/dating, ( she had gone through a break up with her past boyfriend and then while talking to my boyfriend she found out that he cheated on her ( I couldn’t resist on seeing their conversations, especially this being a situation that had been eating my head all along, I will repeat this word but he seemed very obsessed/infatuated with this woman.

* So most recently I discovered he has an album of her and this other girl he dated after her on his mobile gallery ( hes still has these 2 album on his mobile gallery) So recently I was working on an external hard drive he gave me to save and organize like around 10,000 pictures from his work( I help him out with his job due to high volume of work and he pays me) and I believe he had forgotten or thought he did not have those backup there I have no clue (YES MY BOYFRIEND IS VERY DISPERSE LET ME TELL YOU, FOR MOST OF THE TIME, HE HAS NO IDEA WERE HE KEEPS THINGS, HE LOSES THINGS EASILY, YEAH YOU GET THE PICTURE RIGHT!) but I saw this girls name on a folder with literally 4 more folders inside ( with pictures of her, some pictures of the times they went out together, like 4 pictures of her in sexy lingerie ,( nothing too revealing), and screenshots of their conversations history on Facebook messenger.

If you see the conversations you will see that he was literally throwing himself at her) this woman told him on various occasions, that she was heartbroken by her breakup plus finding out she was cheated on, so she did not want to date, neither play with him or hurt him, she was grieving and not ready, she wanted her space, nevertheless my boyfriend at that time kept on insisting that he was a great man, that he would respect her and love her deeply, that he loved her 😳anyway this woman said, I don’t think you love me, Honestly I don’t think he loved her either (to me it’s called infatuation perhaps). she even told him : “you have girlfriend problems”. and he replied :” I love your voice, your legs, your smile, your scent. ” you left your scent on my polo shirt and I could not stop smelling it, ”I think about you every minute of the day” “I cant wait for a new day to come to see you again”, plus much more crazy stuff like calling her ”MYLADY” like in the old knights days.

I understand they had to see each other/interact, everyday for quite some months while he was working on that project in this building she worked in ( she was the project manager and out of all the engineers working there he was like the lead that reported issues to her, what they had fix all that stuff) that”s why so much talk between them.

It seems this man was really into this girl or at least obsessed about her, cause from the way he talked to me about her and all this collection of her photos ( including sexy pictures), conversations and some pictures of them BOTH.

Another thing I find very STRANGE is that he ALSO took 2 other girls he went out with after this girl to the building she works in he also took me there (5 times).

The other part that caught my eye and I cant quite understand is, why in the world did this woman go out with him a couples of times ( like at least 7-8 times) to eat, to hang out, etc, I mean if she was so heartbroken, why did she accept to go out with him in the first place ( this is I how I feel :” If I am not interested in a man, I would not dedicate a second of my life entertaining him at all.

So what should I do, now that Pandoras box has opened? I don’t really know, maybe he forgot he has those folders, but I don’t know what to think or do? I don’t want to make it seem like I am obsessed about this, He began mentioning her, I got entangled in all of this (cause I recognize and admit that I did not put him in his place with all this mentionitis about this woman),

What do you honestly think about all of this?