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  1. nixon

    The wish

    “A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order...
  2. nixon

    The reward .

    One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company...
  3. nixon

    The revelation ...

  4. nixon

    The Angler .

    Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour. The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into The garage, turned on the radio, and...
  5. nixon

    The reunion .

    MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD...
  6. nixon

    The drink .

    A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have...
  7. nixon

    The ticket .

    A woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked, 'What's your hurry?' She replied, 'I'm late for work.' 'Oh yeah,' said the cop...
  8. nixon

    The drunk .

    Never ask a drunk a question As a single mom was shopping at the local supermarket - she selected basic stuff: Milk Eggs Orange juice Coffee Bacon As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk man in line watched as items were being unloaded. While the cashier was...
  9. nixon

    The Wish .

    A man walks into a bar. He sits down and places the bag on the counter​ The bartender walks up and asks,​"What's in the bag?" The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 12 inches tall, and sets him on the counter.​ He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a tiny piano,​...
  10. nixon

    The competition .

    After digging to a depth of 10 feet last year outside Buffalo, New York, scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks...
  11. nixon

    The robbery .

    A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man ,Robert, to hand over the jewelry and money. Robert started sobbing and said, “You can take anything you want. You can kill me also. But please untie the rope and free her ! “ Thief: “You must really...
  12. nixon

    The job interview

    A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Coeur d'Alene, Idaho and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You...
  13. nixon

    Shopping .

  14. nixon

    the fantasy

    A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.” She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am...
  15. nixon

    The sermon .

    A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of...
  16. nixon

    A true friend and golf buddy .

    A true friend for sure!! A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30 PM after enjoying a great day of golf. His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade. "My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a...
  17. nixon

    Defining tragedy . . .

    Chuck Schumer was visiting a Washington D.C. primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr. Schumer if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy' So Mr. Schumer asked the class for an example of a...
  18. nixon

    Rules are rules ! !

    A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't." "Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"...
  19. nixon

    The bet .

    Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going? Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?" Woods replies, "Not too bad. I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now." Stevie: "I always find that...
  20. nixon

    The plan

    The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director,"...
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