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    the mute

    A mute was walking down the street one day and chanced upon a friend of his; also a mute. In sign language, he inquired how his friend had been doing. The friend replied (vocally!) "Oh, can that hand-waving shit. I can talk now!" Intrigued, the mute pressed him for details. Seems he had gone...
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    clever ddoggy!

    there's this dog walking down the road and he sees a sign in a shop window. hiring an assistant. must be good on the computer, have good organisational skills, and must be bilingual. we are an equal oppotunities employer. so, the dog goes in to the shop, and puts his paw on the sign and wags...
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    cruise ship

    There's a cruise ship and on it is a magician who preforms for the passengers, and the captain of the ship has a parrot. The captain would attend the show, but the parrot could talk and would always ruin the show and give away wwhat the magician was doing. So one day after thhe parrot did this...
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    WWE extreme rules?

    anyone ever see extreme rules this year? i'd really apreciate if someone told me who won what, and what went on in general. i've access to raw and smackdown, but not extreme rules- and the paper views. it sucks
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    fancy dress party

    A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his penis. Woman asks, 'What are you?' He says, 'I'm a Fireman' 'But you're only wearing a glass jar?', says the woman. 'Exactly! In an emergency, break glass, pull knob and I'll come as fast as I can!' *
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    pet rooster

    A farmer and a pet rooster went everywhere together. One day they went to a movie and as the farmer got close to the ticket window the clerk said, "I'm sorry but you can't take animals into the theater." The man looked sad and said "But this is my pet rooster, Clucky. He goes wherever I go. "Oh...
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    portrait of a friend

    thought this was nice- got it from 1 of my groups: "Portrait of a Friend" I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers. I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain, nor the future with its...
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    how gross is fast food?

    McDonald's Worker Spits in Tea: How Gross is Fast Food? By Sarah B. Weir, Yahoo! blogger | Healthy Living - 16 hours ago Police in South Carolina say that a McDonald's worker spit in two customers' cups of iced tea after they returned them because they weren't sweet enough. A video shows the...
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    is anyone planning on checking out pottermore?

    the site just launched- and i'm a massive harry potter fan. i've been waiting for it for quite some time is anyone else here planning to check on the site? i don't know what you can do on it yet- i've not visited so if anyone gets their befor me, then do give me a review:). if not- i'll...
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    2 medical students

    Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student...
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    queens tour of the hospital..

    so the queen is having a tour of 1 of the UK's best hospitals. she's really impressed by everything she sees- the clean uniforms, the officient staff, all the machines in working order etc etc etc. on the first floor, they pass an open door where a man is mastarbating furiously the queen...
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    another visit to the mental asylum...

    the director of the mental asylum was going around checking on his patients. it was simple: he'd ask them a question, and if there anser was good enough he'd say that they were stable, and were free to leave he opens the first door and finds a woman sitting on her bed knitting. he walks up to...
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    let's pretend we're married

    a man and a woman find them selves sharing the same compartment on a train. the woman has the top bunk, and the man is at the bottom half way through the night, the man wakes up and explains, oh i'm reall cold hearing this, the woman says... i've an idea- just for tonight, why don't we...
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    soap dispenser

    so there's this guy in the shower and he suddenly realises that he's forgotten soap so, he has no choice but to make a dash for the changing rooms naked. he manages to get in, grab 2 bars of soap and get out, before he see 3 nuns coming towards him thinking quickly he backs up against a...
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    a priest, a nun, and a camel..

    there's a preest and a nun riding along in the desert on a camel. all of a sudden the cammel stops, and drops dead in the middle of the desert both get up, shake themselves off and look around... they believe that the situation is hopeless, they have no food- no water, and surely they would...
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    cathlic school

    it's dinner time at the catholic school, and everyone is lining up in the dinner hall. the first person who gets to the front of the line notices a bowl of freshly baked cookies. written on the cookies is a note: take only 1, god is watching you further down the line, there's another bowl...
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    20 ways to keep a healthy level of insanity.

    1.* At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.* See If They Slow Down. 2.* Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3.* Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That. 4.* Put You r Garbage...
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    this man should never be allowed to have puppies

    A man has admitted keeping dozens of puppies in "appalling" conditions at a farm near Falkirk. Prosecutors said Charles Swan, from Stirling, had seen the dogs as "nothing more than commodities". The 57 animals were kept at a farm near Plean between 31 May and 5 August 2011. Swan, 56, pled...
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    handy little mood scale...

    anyone can use this if they feel they have to. i fill it out all the time and then show my therapist every thursday where i am. 1 - Horrible, the worst, hopeless, not functioning, extremely depressed; Hospitalization needed 2- Not much better, barely functioning, very depressed; Wondering...
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    welcome to the mental health hotline

    Hello, and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on...
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