Last Week I Had to Make a Tough Decision

[PGBC]

As some of you may know, I was in a bad car accident this summer. I'm still not good at talking about it, as it upsets me. In brief I was heading home on the highway in my small car, when an oncoming vehicle crossed the center line hitting me head on.
That accident almost ended my life, and has left me with some serious problems since.
Last week I had to make the decision on having my left leg amputated.
I believe that it was the correct choice, but still hard to make.
So my sporadic involvement here has been in part due to this, and also some other things.
I don't want pitty, i hate that.
Am fortunate to be alive.
If I am here sporadically please understand why, and I may miss some important posts, or be a bit grumpy at times, although I am trying my best not to be.
This is just simply to inform you all of what's going on.
Please don't pitty me, or ask a lot of questions, maybe in time I will be able to talk more openly about it without getting angry or sad, but not yet.
For now its a day at a time, and learning how to live my once very active lifestyle, somewhat less actively.

Thanks for your understanding.

 

[FrancSevin]

Wow.
That is a tough, life a life altering choice.
As I understand it, you are a medical professional. Therefore, your decision is based on your knowledge of the reality of your injury. Tough to tell a patient. More so to deal with yourself.

Sorry to hear this. Best of luck in the surgery and post-surgical re-hab.

 

[Doc]

Man, I hate to hear that. Best wishes with the surgery.
Hits to close to home once again. A local artist 49 yrs old was killed just the other day when a big 4x4 truck crossed the center line and hit his mustang head on. So sad. Like you said, at least you are still alive. Stay positive.

 

[NorthernRedneck]

Damn. Wow. I can say that I partially understand. I didn't have any injuries requiring amputation but I do understand where you are. I had a near fatal motorcycle accident 8 years ago. Most longer term members here are probably bored of hearing about it but I figured I'd share what happened to me as it did alter my life significantly.

I was second in line at a set of red lights at an intersection on a 4 lane highway in the inside lane on my honda goldwing. The light turned green and everyone began accelerating. Just as I got through the intersection, the car in front of me slammed on their brakes for a family of ducks crossing the road. I got my bike stopped apparently but flew over the windshield into the car bouncing into the outside lane. The vehicle directly behind me swerved to the right lane to avoid the car and motorcycle but ran me over. The vehicle behind slammed into the bike.

I woke up in ICU 3 days later with 6 broken vertebrae, 1 broken rib, a severely lacerated liver which should been fatal if the accident happened any further from the hospital as I would have bled out internally. And a bunch of road rash. 7 surgeries later, I still have all my body parts. The accident happened when I was 38. I'm 46. Haven't worked a day since as I'm on permanent disability till age 65 due in part to the mobility issues I now have as well as a permanent brain injury from wacking my head on the pavement. The brain injury is the tough pill to swallow as people understand someone walking with a cane. People understand some in a wheelchair. But they don't get someone with a brain injury. Even a mild one like mine. I struggle with short term memory recall and multitasking now making work very difficult. There's days when I can barely walk across the room due to physical pain.

The whole point of my story is not to show what I went through and am still going through. It is to show you that you are not alone and there WILL be tough days ahead. I'm not talking about the physical injuries. If you ever want to chat via pm even as a place to vent frustration, send me a pm. I understand. It's just as much a mental adjustment as well as a physical one. Just don't forget to deal with the head as well as your others injuries.

 

[m1west]

We are here to support you through you trying times.

 

[Lenny]

Thanks for the update. I hope all goes well. Please keep up updated.

 

[pirate_girl]

Holy cow.
Best of luck, one day at a time.

 

[pirate_girl]

I don't like pity either, but as we go along I will ask questions.
I'm a nurse and wonder why an accident would cause you to be having an amputation.

Last year, I lost a resident.
A man in his 50s. He had his left leg amputated just below the knee.
Reason? We sent him out to a hospital after he developed an infection in that foot, they did not care about it, then sepsis.😞
We do treat wound care, but I/we knew something bigger was going on.
That's why he got sent to Mercy in Toledo.

 

[Doc]

My son's Father in law's foot was run over with heavy equipment while on the job. He lost 3 toes, pinky and the two next to it. He was in so much pain. They tried a nerve block and lots of things I cannot remember. The nerves were smashed and no matter what the pain would not go away. They cut off more of his foot. The front half. Pain was still there. So unbearable that against the Doctors advise he opted to have his leg amputated just below the knee in hopes of eliminating the pain. Made sense that the surgery should alleviate most of his pain.

Sadly, it did not. The pain is the same as it ever was. I sure cannot fathom why it did not work but it's been 8 plus years since the amputation and his pain is horrible. He can get out and about for a bit with his prosthetic leg but once the pain starts he has to get home and take meds.

 

[PGBC]

In simple terms, they were trying to save my life, so focused on life saving surgeries, and less so on my left leg, which was damaged catastrophically, but if they were to save me, had to make concessions about repairing it.
Now months later, and several surgeries, it has severe nerve damage, diminished blood flow, repeated blood clotting, excruciating pain, and my ankle is fused.

So after much deliberation, prayer, tears, and more, decided that it is best to go with amputation.
I'll never walk normally or run on it anyway, the pain is so bad I barely sleep, tissue death is growing, blood clots refuse to stop no matter how much apixaban I take. It will be a lifelong burden, and painful more than I can describe.
So the logical, but difficult thing to do is amputate, and then get a prosthetic.
Trust me, I didn't make this decision easily.
If they could have repaired my ankle, then it may have been worth waiting longer, and hoping.
But with a forever fused ankle, it would have been awkward at best anyway...factor in everything else, and that is why Pirate Girl.

Also not being on high doses of dilantin forever, which makes thinking clearly almost impossible, as well as the other damage it does, is not a good way to spend my remaining years.
Emotionally this is as difficult as it has been physically.
There will be significant mental therapy in my future, probably long after I learn how to walk using my prosthetic.
Hopefully that answered your questions, and we can move past this.

 

[pirate_girl]

In simple terms, they were trying to save my life
Hopefully that answered your questions, and we can move past this.

Yup!
Doesn't mean I still won't ask questions though.
😁

 

[FrancSevin]

In simple terms, they were trying to save my life, so focused on life saving surgeries, and less so on my left leg, which was damaged catastrophically, but if they were to save me, had to make concessions about repairing it.
Now months later, and several surgeries, it has severe nerve damage, diminished blood flow, repeated blood clotting, excruciating pain, and my ankle is fused.

So after much deliberation, prayer, tears, and more, decided that it is best to go with amputation.
I'll never walk normally or run on it anyway, the pain is so bad I barely sleep, tissue death is growing, blood clots refuse to stop no matter how much apixaban I take. It will be a lifelong burden, and painful more than I can describe.
So the logical, but difficult thing to do is amputate, and then get a prosthetic.
Trust me, I didn't make this decision easily.
If they could have repaired my ankle, then it may have been worth waiting longer, and hoping.
But with a forever fused ankle, it would have been awkward at best anyway...factor in everything else, and that is why Pirate Girl.

Also not being on high doses of dilantin forever, which makes thinking clearly almost impossible, as well as the other damage it does, is not a good way to spend my remaining years.
Emotionally this is as difficult as it has been physically.
There will be significant mental therapy in my future, probably long after I learn how to walk using my prosthetic.
Hopefully that answered your questions, and we can move past this.

The fused ankle suggests the prosthetic will be better for walking. After all, you are walking on a prosthic like angle. That alone indicates you are making a good choice.

As for the other symptoms, blood clots are prone move, often to critical areas, and cause further harm.

Good luck with your post operative therapy's.

 

[PGBC]

The fused ankle suggests the prosthetic will be better for walking. After all, you are walking on a prosthic like angle. That alone indicates you are making a good choice.

As for the other symptoms, blood clots are prone move, often to critical areas, and cause further harm.

Good luck with your post operative therapy's.

Usually I'm a logical thinking person.
If someone else was in my position, and asked for my opinion, I would without doubt recommend amputation.
But when my own leg, this was still a difficult choice, to say yes amputation is the right thing.