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  #201  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:15 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
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  #202  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:16 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
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  #203  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:16 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool
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  #204  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:17 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
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  #205  
Old 04-24-2017, 06:56 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I accidentally wore a red shirt and khaki pants to target today.
The great news is I got promoted to assistant manager.
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  #206  
Old 04-27-2017, 06:26 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

An arrogant young woman wired home from her new job:
"Made supervisor: feather in my cap." A few weeks later, she wired again,
"Made manager: feather in my cap." Then, after a few more weeks she sent another:
"Fired: send money for ticket to fly home." Her parents wired back:
"No ticket necessary.
Use feathers."
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  #207  
Old 04-28-2017, 08:54 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement =
1 bananosecond
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  #208  
Old 04-28-2017, 09:00 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Was watching some old show the other night.
On commenting about someone's thinness, the funny guy said;

You're showing more ribs than a $2 umbrella.
I groaned, then laughed.
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  #209  
Old 05-04-2017, 01:19 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Yesterday at a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little.
"Nervous?" asked the interviewer.
I replied,
"No, I always give 110%."
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  #210  
Old 05-04-2017, 01:20 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces.
One is paid parking."
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  #211  
Old 05-08-2017, 08:22 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
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  #212  
Old 05-12-2017, 03:48 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

So what if I can't spell 'armaggedon'?
It's not like it's the end of the world.
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  #213  
Old 05-14-2017, 06:25 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry,
so I threw a coconut at his face.
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  #214  
Old 05-17-2017, 10:40 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

NBC News just showed that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs since it's conception in 2003.
The bad news is that photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs since 2003!
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  #215  
Old 05-18-2017, 08:54 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I read that Caitlyn Jenner told Diane Sawyer she is now writing her autobiography.
I think that’s going to be one of those “he said, she said” books.
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