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  #361  
Old 07-08-2018, 06:30 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
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Sometimes I'm fast. Most of the time I'm half fast!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together!

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate

FF REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
EVERYONE GETS ENOUGH EXERCISE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS, FLYING
OFF THE HANDLE, RUNNING DOWN THE MODERATORS, KNIFING FRIENDS IN THE
BACK, DODGING RESPONSIBILITY AND PUSHING THEIR LUCK.
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  #362  
Old 07-08-2018, 06:32 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade.

If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
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The United States Constitution ©1787. All Rights Reserved

Sometimes I'm fast. Most of the time I'm half fast!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together!

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate

FF REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
EVERYONE GETS ENOUGH EXERCISE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS, FLYING
OFF THE HANDLE, RUNNING DOWN THE MODERATORS, KNIFING FRIENDS IN THE
BACK, DODGING RESPONSIBILITY AND PUSHING THEIR LUCK.
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  #363  
Old 07-10-2018, 03:29 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Why did God create man before woman?

Because He did not want any advice.
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  #364  
Old 07-10-2018, 04:50 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

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  #365  
Old 07-13-2018, 08:22 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Starting today!
I'm going to live everyday like it's my last.

Who would clean the house on their last day on earth?
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  #366  
Old 07-17-2018, 08:34 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people.

"Do you take children?' the man asked.

"No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."
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  #367  
Old 07-17-2018, 08:52 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
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The United States Constitution ©1787. All Rights Reserved

Sometimes I'm fast. Most of the time I'm half fast!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together!

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate

FF REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
EVERYONE GETS ENOUGH EXERCISE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS, FLYING
OFF THE HANDLE, RUNNING DOWN THE MODERATORS, KNIFING FRIENDS IN THE
BACK, DODGING RESPONSIBILITY AND PUSHING THEIR LUCK.
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  #368  
Old 07-18-2018, 05:34 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

You might be a Redneck if ...

A night on the town includes city jail.

All of your relatives' cars have "Tag Stolen" signs in the rear window.

All of your relatives would have to die to wipe out illiteracy.

All your tupperware is old butter containers.

All your wall decorations have horns on them.
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  #369  
Old 07-18-2018, 05:41 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
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The United States Constitution ©1787. All Rights Reserved

Sometimes I'm fast. Most of the time I'm half fast!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together!

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate

FF REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
EVERYONE GETS ENOUGH EXERCISE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS, FLYING
OFF THE HANDLE, RUNNING DOWN THE MODERATORS, KNIFING FRIENDS IN THE
BACK, DODGING RESPONSIBILITY AND PUSHING THEIR LUCK.
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  #370  
Old 07-19-2018, 11:24 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

my wife gave me a new "T" shirt which proclaims

"Fishing saved me from being a Porn Star, Now I'm just a Hooker"
I thought it was Punny.
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  #371  
Old 07-19-2018, 01:19 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I keep getting pop-ups that promise....;

End ED tonite!!!

Try this simple trick

Wives are Shocked!!!


so I clicked on it...?


Wait for it

Worked for me!!!!




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  #372  
Old 07-19-2018, 01:46 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Quote:
Originally Posted by FrancSevin View Post
I keep getting pop-ups that promise....;

End ED tonite!!!

Try this simple trick

Wives are Shocked!!!


so I clicked on it...?


Wait for it

Worked for me!!!!




Nicole vs Viagra.
Hmmm.. might work.
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  #373  
Old 07-19-2018, 06:59 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

A friend of mine said she doesn't understand cloning.

I told her that makes two of us!
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  #374  
Old 07-19-2018, 10:10 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
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  #375  
Old 07-19-2018, 10:13 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team's winning.
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The United States Constitution ©1787. All Rights Reserved

Sometimes I'm fast. Most of the time I'm half fast!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together!

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate

FF REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
EVERYONE GETS ENOUGH EXERCISE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS, FLYING
OFF THE HANDLE, RUNNING DOWN THE MODERATORS, KNIFING FRIENDS IN THE
BACK, DODGING RESPONSIBILITY AND PUSHING THEIR LUCK.
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  #376  
Old 07-20-2018, 10:44 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Ordered a Fitbit today.
Visa called to see if someone stole my card !!!!
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  #377  
Old 07-20-2018, 10:57 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery
tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
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The United States Constitution ©1787. All Rights Reserved

Sometimes I'm fast. Most of the time I'm half fast!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together!

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate

FF REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
EVERYONE GETS ENOUGH EXERCISE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS, FLYING
OFF THE HANDLE, RUNNING DOWN THE MODERATORS, KNIFING FRIENDS IN THE
BACK, DODGING RESPONSIBILITY AND PUSHING THEIR LUCK.
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