Blondie
Blond Member
CINDERELLA
wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits
crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide
Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees.
"What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your
diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 am The appointed hour comes and goes, and
Cinderella doesn't show up.
Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed
to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything.
" The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me
his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, Peter, Peter, something or other..."
________________________________________
PINOCCHIO
had a human girl friend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were
having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio
skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and
asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
________________________________________
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind
a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your
brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled
out a 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said
, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE
were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is
crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio
walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back,
and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
________________________________________
wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits
crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide
Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees.
"What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your
diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 am The appointed hour comes and goes, and
Cinderella doesn't show up.
Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed
to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything.
" The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me
his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, Peter, Peter, something or other..."
________________________________________
PINOCCHIO
had a human girl friend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were
having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio
skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and
asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
________________________________________
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind
a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your
brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled
out a 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said
, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE
were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is
crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio
walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back,
and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
________________________________________
