empty little borderline
New member
i sit here in this lonely house
tears are in my eyes
outside i hear the sounds of life
and people rushing by
they seem oh so contented
they seem to be having fun
each of them enjoying life
and smiling at the sun
but up here, things are diffrent
the days go on and on
and it's all because i can not find
somewhere i belong
i remember happy times, many years ago
i'd laugh and play and enjoy life
and no one ever would know
that today i'm still the same person,
nothing's really changed
accept my view of life and death,
and some things i can't explain
it all came on quite slowly
but i remember well,
noticing the changes
and not wanting to tell
i remember hearing voices,
my first ever helusination
my first ever troubled sleep
and my other agrivations
i remember when i first thought,
what's the point anymore
i'm done here, screw this life, show me to the door.
my family they are nagging me,
you can't be like this for ever
i say- did i want this?
no i didon't, never
they tell me that i'm useless
that i'm only playing games
i turn round and i tell them,
it's really not the same
but soon you'll be free of me
and you won't have to wait
cos i think i know where i belong
and it's not this place of hate
each night i am so restless
thoughts running through my head
of what a loser i really am
and how it's better i was dead
but how to do the task in hand
how to make it a success
how to get where i belong
make the angels impressed
at times, i want to blame myself
for my less than perfict health
but i realise if i do that,
i'd be lying to myself
i didon't ask for voices,
or anxieties
i didon't ask for mood swings,
someone listen to me please
cos i'm crying out, once again
i need my voice to be heard
before it's all too late
and what you read are empty words
because i will not be with you,
i'll be singing a heavenly song
i'd have made the transition
to the place where i belong
at times when i am happy,
and i'm feeling free from pain
i make a step forward in my life,
try to live again
last year was almost hopeful,
getting in to colledge
but what's the point of staying their,
if you can't retain the knoledge
on the other hand though,
i didon't want to leave
but i can't control inside me
what messages i reciev
some people call me a lier,
it's the ofeliac in me
yeah sometimes i exagerate
but don't know what i'm doing, you see
but i swear to god i'm serius
about my life ending
why would i lie about that stuff,
what's the point pretending?
suicide is sensitive
you either mean it or you don't
and when i find the place where i belong,
i will not be alone
hundreds maybe thousands, have left before their time
because like me they feel so misunderstood
and like me, their not fine
if i'm honest, i feel deserted
by everyone around
friends, family, relatives,
it seems they all look down
on someone who's not worth their time
someone just like me
someone who has realised,
he's beyond all misery
of course i have my up days,
they are really quite a blast,
but because of how i'm feeling
the happyness won't last
it's like a rush of adrenilin
pumping through my brain
it might last, 1, maybe 2 days
and then it starts to rain
during those times i wonder,
maybe i've been wrong
i should be alive here
this is where i belong
but all too soon it changes,
the thoughts come racing back,
i belong in heaven
i do, and that is that
i think that in conclusion
my life is at an end
and people blame it all on me,
they think that i pretend
no wonder i'm so paronoyed,
no wonder my mouth stays closed
it's no point telling anyone my feelings,
because no one wants to know
i'm sorry i'm not perfict,
but you know what makes me mad?
the fact that when i'm dead and gone,
none of you will be sad
so i guess it's back to thinking,
dark disturbing thoughts
cos i'm used to feeling so alone,
their's no life here anymore
tears are in my eyes
outside i hear the sounds of life
and people rushing by
they seem oh so contented
they seem to be having fun
each of them enjoying life
and smiling at the sun
but up here, things are diffrent
the days go on and on
and it's all because i can not find
somewhere i belong
i remember happy times, many years ago
i'd laugh and play and enjoy life
and no one ever would know
that today i'm still the same person,
nothing's really changed
accept my view of life and death,
and some things i can't explain
it all came on quite slowly
but i remember well,
noticing the changes
and not wanting to tell
i remember hearing voices,
my first ever helusination
my first ever troubled sleep
and my other agrivations
i remember when i first thought,
what's the point anymore
i'm done here, screw this life, show me to the door.
my family they are nagging me,
you can't be like this for ever
i say- did i want this?
no i didon't, never
they tell me that i'm useless
that i'm only playing games
i turn round and i tell them,
it's really not the same
but soon you'll be free of me
and you won't have to wait
cos i think i know where i belong
and it's not this place of hate
each night i am so restless
thoughts running through my head
of what a loser i really am
and how it's better i was dead
but how to do the task in hand
how to make it a success
how to get where i belong
make the angels impressed
at times, i want to blame myself
for my less than perfict health
but i realise if i do that,
i'd be lying to myself
i didon't ask for voices,
or anxieties
i didon't ask for mood swings,
someone listen to me please
cos i'm crying out, once again
i need my voice to be heard
before it's all too late
and what you read are empty words
because i will not be with you,
i'll be singing a heavenly song
i'd have made the transition
to the place where i belong
at times when i am happy,
and i'm feeling free from pain
i make a step forward in my life,
try to live again
last year was almost hopeful,
getting in to colledge
but what's the point of staying their,
if you can't retain the knoledge
on the other hand though,
i didon't want to leave
but i can't control inside me
what messages i reciev
some people call me a lier,
it's the ofeliac in me
yeah sometimes i exagerate
but don't know what i'm doing, you see
but i swear to god i'm serius
about my life ending
why would i lie about that stuff,
what's the point pretending?
suicide is sensitive
you either mean it or you don't
and when i find the place where i belong,
i will not be alone
hundreds maybe thousands, have left before their time
because like me they feel so misunderstood
and like me, their not fine
if i'm honest, i feel deserted
by everyone around
friends, family, relatives,
it seems they all look down
on someone who's not worth their time
someone just like me
someone who has realised,
he's beyond all misery
of course i have my up days,
they are really quite a blast,
but because of how i'm feeling
the happyness won't last
it's like a rush of adrenilin
pumping through my brain
it might last, 1, maybe 2 days
and then it starts to rain
during those times i wonder,
maybe i've been wrong
i should be alive here
this is where i belong
but all too soon it changes,
the thoughts come racing back,
i belong in heaven
i do, and that is that
i think that in conclusion
my life is at an end
and people blame it all on me,
they think that i pretend
no wonder i'm so paronoyed,
no wonder my mouth stays closed
it's no point telling anyone my feelings,
because no one wants to know
i'm sorry i'm not perfict,
but you know what makes me mad?
the fact that when i'm dead and gone,
none of you will be sad
so i guess it's back to thinking,
dark disturbing thoughts
cos i'm used to feeling so alone,
their's no life here anymore