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I buried a family friend today .

BigAl

Gone But Not Forgotten
SUPER Site Supporter
This morning I helped buried a long standing family friend . The family had asked me to give the sermon and speak on behalf of the family .
Her son and I pretty much grew up together from the time we were both about 5 years old .He is my best friend . This lady was the salt of the earth .... As good as it gets in life .

She and her husband raised 2 boys and half the kids in the area seemed to always be hanging around . One son has worked hard and is a responsible adult . The other is a total disaster .

As I stood there listening to others sharing their thoughts ,I took the time to really look at the two brothers and their families .My mind started to think back through the years .... My best friend ,the younger brother, has worked hard all his life ,raised a family and his kids who are now adults and have done well also . They have never been trouble makers or in jail .

The older brother was there as well ....in cut off shorts , t-shirt and flip flops . Most of his family was dressed according, except for one son .
The oldest one who was raised by the lady whose funeral I was attending and speaking at .He was dressed very nicely . She had ended up raising that boy until he became a man and he in turn has made something out of his life too, never got in trouble and never been in jail . All his brothers and sisters have spent more time in jail than out .

One family , two brothers , raised by the same parents and as different as night and night .

Without even knowing what the future holds ,I can tell you that the older brother and his children will continue to get in trouble , and continue to mooch off of the welfare system to keep from working . When his kids have their own children, which some are now doing ,they also will head down the wrong road .

I can really see how the right mentor can make a huge difference in a young persons life and this family is a perfect example .

There is just one thing that bothers me ........


It just seems odd to me that one brother could turn out one way and the other would be so opposite in all ways yet they were raised the same way and by the same standards

I know it happens everyday in families but its sure seems strange .


I mean think of it .... you plant two identical seeds from the same pod . You water them the same amount every day . You feed them and encourage them to grow the same amount every day . One seed grows straight a tall and the other never seems to spout or grow straight ...............


I wish I could come up with a logical answer .
 

OhioTC18

Gone But Not Forgotten
GOLD Site Supporter
BigAl,
Sorry to hear of your loss.

I know what you mean about two sons being like day and night. I am one of four boys. My oldest brother is dead now, but when he was around, all that mattered was himself and what he could get no matter who he hurt in the process. I have no idea where his kids are any more. Haven't seen them since his funeral. The one next below me in age is the same way. Right now he lives 1500 miles away from the rest of the family, after destroying the lives of two wives. He's making twice as much as I do, but has nothing but an empty life to show for it. The youngest, well, I'm tired of bailing his dead ass out of trouble. Divorced, 2 kids who run the streets and the law is probably looking for him right now. I gave him his first job after quitting school. He betrayed me and stole from the company. He broke into the jobsite we were working on and stole a lot from there. I fired him the next day. I'd say in his working life of 20 years, he's had a dozen jobs if not more.
I've been working for 36 years, 19 at my present job. I've only had 4 jobs my whole life. I have two great sons with wives. They have become very respectable men that I'm proud to call my "boys".

I just don't get it sometimes how different people can be after being raised by the same Mother.
 

American Woman

New member
Site Supporter
This is a bewildering sometimes hurtful subject for me too Al. These last few years when I hear a parent going on and on and on about their kids and how perfect they are....my response has been and you are "Damned lucky". Well of course they take offense, and it was the way they raised their perfect kids. We never know what life will throw at us , or our kids, and how it will be dealt with.
 

Deadly Sushi

The One, The Only, Sushi
SUPER Site Supporter
Hello my friend. Im sorry to hear that you had to bury a good friend. Ive never had to do that. Pretty sad thing. Im very very sorry.

I wish I could come up with a logical answer .

You mentioned that it makes a difference on who the person hangs out with. I think that nails it. Their parenting in THIS case seems to only have gone so far. Im guessing that the bum-like kid got into hanging out with the wrong bunch of people. The parents should have recongnized it and nipped it in the bud. A persons friends are a direct reflection on ones self. Something happened where the bum-like fella was taken away from good people and the straight path. That is my assesment.

There is always a way back to the strait path mind you. Just a rare thing. God must work through people I believe. And it has to be the right person to do it.
 

BigAl

Gone But Not Forgotten
SUPER Site Supporter
This is a bewildering sometimes hurtful subject for me too Al. These last few years when I hear a parent going on and on and on about their kids and how perfect they are....my response has been and you are "Damned lucky". Well of course they take offense, and it was the way they raised their perfect kids. We never know what life will throw at us , or our kids, and how it will be dealt with.

I did not mean anything disrespectful toward the FF members and their families and I hope that was not what you thought I was leaning towards .

I, along with everyone here have my own "Back Yard to keep clean and will never jump into making comparisons .

Just for some damn reason my observations at the Funeral this morning have stayed with me all day .

I think there is more than just just "Damn Luck" as you say , but I honestly can't figure it out .

I know I been lucky with my kids too ,but how much did luck really have to do with it ????? :confused2:
I honestly don't know ......
 

fogtender

Now a Published Author
Site Supporter
Sorry for the loss of a friend, a loss of just one friend is one to many for all of us.
 

American Woman

New member
Site Supporter
I didn't think that at all Al :wub:
I was talking about customers that sit in my chair :yum: And my butt of a brother :hammer: If you raise them with spare the rod or spare the child then you may get a good kid and then you may get one rebel...Same thing with church.
 

Cityboy

Banned
I think there is more than just just "Damn Luck" as you say , but I honestly can't figure it out .

I know I been lucky with my kids too ,but how much did luck really have to do with it ????? :confused2:
I honestly don't know ......

First, please accept my sympathy for your loss.

I have always been told that luck is the junction of preparation and opportunity in business, but I also think it applies to raising kids. We have all seen fantastic parents raise one great kid and get their hearts broken by the other kid like in your friends example. The best I can determine is that as parents, we must strive to do right 100% of the time. Nobody achieves the 100%, but if you aim at 100% and miss, you can still come out a winner in the family game. I think that is the best anyone can do as a parent.

Conversley, we have all seen kids that were raised in horrible conditions by terrible parents, single parents or no parents and turn out to be leaders in life, business and society. There had to be a mentor in those situations....We can help set good examples for the friends of our children who might not have the best environment at home. You never know how your kindness toward another child could inspire them.
 

BigAl

Gone But Not Forgotten
SUPER Site Supporter
Conversley, we have all seen kids that were raised in horrible conditions by terrible parents, single parents or no parents and turn out to be leaders in life, business and society. There had to be a mentor in those situations....We can help set good examples for the friends of our children who might not have the best environment at home. You never know how your kindness toward another child could inspire them.

Damn good point CB ! Now you really got me thinking even more !
 

American Woman

New member
Site Supporter
Conversley, we have all seen kids that were raised in horrible conditions by terrible parents, single parents or no parents and turn out to be leaders in life, business and society. There had to be a mentor in those situations....We can help set good examples for the friends of our children who might not have the best environment at home. You never know how your kindness toward another child could inspire them.
This is what I meant...Thanks CB...:blush:
Circumstances and people in your child's life can mold them as much as you do as a parent.
I know a young man now that was in and out of foster care all his life...one junior high teacher made a difference and now he is a teacher specializing with troubled children, and working on his masters degree. I also know good people that bad things happen to as a child and it ruins them. That's why I call it dumb luck...
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
I mean think of it .... you plant two identical seeds from the same pod . You water them the same amount every day . You feed them and encourage them to grow the same amount every day . One seed grows straight a tall and the other never seems to spout or grow straight ...............


I wish I could come up with a logical answer .

I'm just catching up with this thread, I looked it up on purpose because a very close aunt died suddenly two days ago. We were at the showing tonight and will attend the funeral tomorrow.
Much like the family you spoke of this aunt had two children. The oldest never accomplished anything. Always in trouble. The youngest (a daughter) has always done well. Her and her husband of 30+ years have raised two great kids. Both kids are doing well. Why the difference? Same home and same parents etc....

My stab at the reason why is that the seeds were never identical to start with. Each is an individual and reacts differently to the same stimuli. I sure do not understand why, but we've all seen similar families. Just like two seeds planted side by side. One thrives and one doesn't. Same sun, same amounts of water etc.
 
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