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We split

rback33

rback33

Hangin in Tornado Alley
SUPER Site Supporter
This will come as a huge shock to many, but my wife and I have split. Had I posted this in the 6 days since then I would have had a different outlook, but I can see clearly now as the song goes. This is for the best. There is no chance for reconciliation, but we want to be good friends. There is no anger or bitterness, just single minded focus on doing what's best for our daughter. Division of assets will be an issue here, but we will work it out. She is in the house and I am with my single best friend. I helped him through his last divorce and now he is supporting me. I was really broke up Thursday when she told me, but I have had time to think and reflect and this is for the best. We have grown a part and things are not the same as they were before. For the first time since she told me I have been at peace today. Hannah is taking it fairly well thus far. I was gone on business immediately after my wife told me of her plans and told her before I got home. Once there, I packed some of my stuff and her stuff and she actually went with me. We have immediately entered into our planned custody agreement. I will greatly appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we all work through this transition in life.
 
A

Av8r3400

Gone Flyin'
Thoughts and prayers gladly given.

It will be tough, but you will make it through. Follow your heart to what is best for your daughter, she is the most important.
 
rback33

rback33

Hangin in Tornado Alley
SUPER Site Supporter
Yup. Got that under control. My brother-in-law (sister's hubby) gave me some of the greatest advice ever based of his previous divorce. He said we can have constructive conversations or we can have destructive ones. Once the destructive ones start it can go down hill fast. He talked with both of us at length on Monday and helped me get to the good place of acceptance that I am in. Even last night already, we were in a discussion that was becoming a destructive one and I immediately pointed it out and we redirected. We plan to line it all out and THEN go to the lawyer with what we both want. The less we involve them, the better we will be.. (sorry Jim)... We really truly want to walk away friends from this....
 
TOMLESCOEQUIP

TOMLESCOEQUIP

Just Plinkin Away the $$
Having been thru one myself (no kids involved) it may hurt bad right now, but time will fix that.
It really opened my eyes to what's really important in life, & trust me it's not possessions........it's time........& how well you spend it. No matter how many riches you may amass during your life it will never buy back one second of wasted time.
Share every moment you can with your daughter........it will pay great dividends to you both.

Good luck & take care........

Tom
 
BigAl

BigAl

Gone But Not Forgotten
SUPER Site Supporter
So sorry to hear this . I been down that road to . You don't say how old your Daughter is but make damn sure she is never placed in the middle of the divorce . It can leave big scars . Kids need to know that the decision to separate had nothing to do with them . Never talk bad about the ex in front of them . I sets a bad example. Its still her mother . Look to the way Alex Bladwin has acted as a perfect example of how not to act .
Best of luck to you and your future ex wife . I'll say a prayer .
 
jpr62902

jpr62902

Jeanclaude Spam Banhammer
SUPER Site Supporter
As a lawyer, and a divorcee, I offer the following:

1. As Av8tr said, your daughter is the priority. Keep her best interests at heart.
2. High road, high road, high road! Some folks are gonna chose sides and there's nothing you can do about it.
3. This lawyer you and your future ex are seeing can only represent one of you. If it's you, great. If not, THEY ARE NOT PROTECTING YOUR INTERESTS! Hire your own counsel.
4. Compartmentalize all the issues. That is, resolve each one independently of each other, otherwise, you're in a constant state of negotiation and nothing gets resolved. For example, first decide custody and visitation, then child support, then spousal support, then the property. Who gets what car shouldn't depend on how much visitation, or how little chhild support is awarded.

Divorce sucks big time, but you'll get through it. You want to look back on the process and not have any regrets.
 
pirate_girl

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
I am so saddened to hear this Jeremy, but you and your wife appear to be handling it pretty well from what you say.

Hannah is the top priority. Like Al said, it would be well if you never utter a negative word about any of it in her presence.
As you know, I have been through a divorce with hub #1 and was left widowed after Steven died.
Coming to closure is difficult no matter how a union ends.
Unlike you, I had no fight over a division of assets.
I left him, just walked out and moved into a small apartment, didn't ask for a dime from him. It had gotten that bad that I just wanted out, so good luck with that end of it. I hope it doesn't turn nasty.
You haven't said how well you get along with her family, but that's something I'd be mindful of.
Big hugs and I wish you all the best.
 
fogtender

fogtender

Now a Published Author
Site Supporter
Best of luck, hope all stays on an even Keel for both of you and your child's best interest.

After the child, the rest is a piece of cake... a bit moldy at times, but usable!
 
California

California

Charter Member
Site Supporter
I'm really sorry to hear that. It's hard to start off on a new life you hadn't expected.

Things will get better for you once you size up where to go from here.

I will echo the other's advice about your kid, and add don't ever use her to relay even simple information. Kids need to love each parent equally and it's more difficult if one or both are leaning on her to manipulate the other.

Hang in there, life goes on. In time this will be behind you and the world will look bright again.
 
Doc

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
Dang Jeremy, I'm so sorry to hear this. Best wishes buddy. You've gotten some very good advice try to heed it the best you can. Good thoughts and prayers coming for all three of you. Hang in there buddy!!!! You are not over all the rough spots yet but always know we are here to support you with advice or a shoulder as needed.
 
T

Trakternut

Active member
Sorry to hear this, Jeremy. It sounds like you're handling it with class and your daughter will respect both of you a lot for this.

You're doing it right, seems like.
 
Melensdad

Melensdad

Jerk in a Hawaiian Shirt & SNOWCAT Moderator
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
Bummer, relationships are really tough. Hopefully you can remain not just civil but actually friendly through this and your daughter will understand that sometimes this is just what happens in life. It would be nice if she is not impacted too severely and hopefully you and your wife can move forward in a friendly way.
 
Galvatron

Galvatron

Spock and Galvatron < one and the same
Jeremy i am so sorry....i wish i could find words of comfort but only you will find the comfort you need as the coming months unfold.

I am pleased to read your Daughter is the main focus and the fact you will remain friends,stand by that and all will be ok.

Love and best wishes to you,your wife and your Daughter as you go through these trying times...how you deal with this will mould the future man you will see in the mirror each morning,and i am sure you will be happy with what you see as to the fact i know you are a good honest man.

All the best.

Dean.
 
XeVfTEUtaAqJHTqq

XeVfTEUtaAqJHTqq

Master of Distraction
Staff member
SUPER Site Supporter
Sorry to hear about this Jeremy. I've been there before too. Put your energy into your job and your daughter and in time it will all be a memory.

I wish I had words of wisdom to make it all better but it's just one of those sucky things that many of us have to go through in life.

Call me if you ever need someone to talk to.
 
XeVfTEUtaAqJHTqq

XeVfTEUtaAqJHTqq

Master of Distraction
Staff member
SUPER Site Supporter
BigAl said:
Never talk bad about the ex in front of them . I sets a bad example. Its still her mother .
Click to expand...

That's a big one. My parents got divorced when I was in my early twenties. My mom has never gotten over it and to this day still finds ways to say how bad my dad was (he wasn't that bad). The end result is that she pisses me (and my sisters) off so much it is harder and harder to bite my tongue. They got divorced 20 years ago and she still is bitching about it.

I can't imagine how poisonous this would be to a small child. The key point is that while my mom thinks she is making my dad look bad - the opposite is what is happening.
 
rback33

rback33

Hangin in Tornado Alley
SUPER Site Supporter
Thanks so much for the words. I have the lawyer on retainer myself. She does not. He is going to have my best interests in mind and think I am an idiot for what I am willing to give up. Like Lollie... I will be damn near empty handed... For my daughter, I am OK with that. I do love my wife, but I can clearly see now this was not meant to be. The more I think, the more obvious it is. I have warned my family about saying bad things about her they are the ones I am worried about..., she's a good woman and mother and it just didn't work out.
 
rback33

rback33

Hangin in Tornado Alley
SUPER Site Supporter
This is quite the weight loss program though... My pants have not been this loose in ages.... That part is getting better too.. I am eating better and sleeping better....
 
OhioTC18

OhioTC18

Gone But Not Forgotten
GOLD Site Supporter
Jeremy,
I'm sorry that this is happening to you. I've been there myself, just like a few others have. No matter how many hard feelings I ever harbored, my boys never knew it. They never knew what went on, they were too young. Nor would I allow any family member to speak ill of my exes, yes 2 exes. So that means I've started over twice. It's not fun, but you can get there, if you put yourself in the right mindset. My boys were my main concern. It sure looks like you're on a good path for that right now.

Now fast forward many many years. My wife is friends with one ex, they enjoy banter back and forth on Facebook. She is here at every family function as if she was still married to me. My wife also sat on my other ex-wife's death bed with me. We were just family. I may have been there to support my son, but she was also a part of my life for a while. Her Mom still comes to family events when she is healthy enough. I love her dearly.

Do what's best for Hannah.
 
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