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Old 11-27-2014, 10:30 AM
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Default New boat product - Skank Wrap

Stolen from OSO:

Have you ever been embarrassed by the appearance of the female crew members on your boat? Have other boaters ever laughed at your crew? Have they ever been called skanks by inconsiderate (but probably correct) boaters? Well if you’ve ever found yourself in this position, this new product is for you. It’s called “Skank Wrap” and it will forever change the way you select members of the opposite sex to board your boat.

You’ve heard of “wraps” for your boat where high speed / wide format inkjet printers are used to print whatever graphics package your heart desires on thin, flexible adhesive material that is then “wrapped” around your boat. Basically, the sky is the limit as to what can be printed on these warps. They can literally transform a roach into a Skater look alike in mere hours. Well, the same technology has now been applied to wraps for the human body.

Does your lady look more like Janet Reno than this month’s Penthouse Pet of the Month? No problem – wrap her! That’s right, we can print an exacting, lifelike image of whomever (or whatever) you dream up on special adhesive film and in less than an hour apply it to your skank. The results are staggering. You can even wrap a whole bevy of (former) behemoths and be out showing up your friends for a fraction of the cost of real beauty.

As an added benefit, since Skank Wrap is “shrunk” in appropriate areas to fit your woman’s body, for a small additional charge, we can shrink certain areas a bit more than others to make it look like she weighs less than a polar bear and has a set you could tend bar on. And since we’re technically “squeezing a balloon,” just think of the possibilities. Oh, and don’t worry, our trained and certified application specialists will custom cut openings in critical areas of the warp to allow for, well, you know. (Wink, wink)

I should also note that our Research Scientists are hard at work on a companion product tentatively called “Bubba Wrap” that promises to do the same thing for the man in your boating life. We’re still trying to find a material with enough tensile strength to hold in the average beer gut while still allowing the subject to breath, but unlike or early efforts, the latest test results look very promising. There is this little problem with body hair when the warp is removed though …

Stay tuned for more detailed information on product availability, cost and turn-around time – all coming soon!
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Old 11-27-2014, 11:41 AM
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Default Re: New boat product - Skank Wrap

so that is how Allen got all them babes around his krusty
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