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Old 01-08-2006, 02:33 PM
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Default Good news / Bad news for Sir Royston

The following letter from the family's solicitor is addressed to a
member of the British aristocracy who has been spending much of the
summer in his residence in the south of France leaving his wife in the
United Kingdom to look after the ancestral home.

Dear Sir Royston,
I hope you are having a good time on your holiday. I say this with
sincerity because I am afraid that I have some bad news for you,
although there is good news too. First the bad news. I am sorry to tell
you that your favorite dog, Honey, is dead. The vet says that she died
instantly and could have felt no pain. She was kicked in the head by
your horse, Sherbert, though I'm sure that no blame can be attached to
Sherbert, frightened as he was by the fire in the barn.

I'm afraid that Sherbert was in the barn along with your other horses
when it burnt to the ground. The fire brigade had been called within a
short time of the barn catching fire and would normally have been able
to put the fire out. Had it had not been for the fact that the tender
crashed into your Bentley in the lane. Your wife had taken it out for a
spin with your brother. As it was, both the tender and your Bently were
written off. No blame can be attached to your wife for the accident I'm

The Bentley was stationary at the time and your wife was in the back
seat of the car. She managed to escape death only due to the fact that
your brother was lying on top of her at the time of the collision. The
doctors say that given time she will regain her sight but that she will
never walk again. She has also lost her memory and cannot even remember
you. Your brother, unfortunately, was killed.

I should explain how the barn came to be on fire in the first place. You
see a spark from the house blew over and set the roof alight. The fire
started in the main hall of the house where, as you know, your Mattisse
and your Picasso once hung. I say 'once' because they are not there now.
Fortunately neither of these paintings were damaged in the conflagration
as they were stolen beforehand by the burglar who started the fire.

Although all of this may seem to you very serious it is not in fact the
bad news that I wrote of. Your wife and brother had been visiting your
Insurance agent in prison where he is serving a three year sentence for
fraud. I'm afraid that none of your insurance policies are valid.

As I said, there is some good news. The heat from the fire warmed your
greenhouse and brought your flowers on.
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Old 01-08-2006, 03:39 PM
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Talking Re: Good news / Bad news for Sir Royston

Good one, Doc!

Now, I think I'll have a a drink!
Just before I get sick...

But, That bloody ale always gives me gas...
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