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Work Wisdom

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
*** A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the
pants.

*** Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

*** The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

*** You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a
clipboard.

*** Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you the rest of the day.

*** Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss
the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.

*** When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never
talking about themselves.

*** If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a
damn fool about it.

*** There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when
the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

*** Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there
would be so many.

*** Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing
wrong.

*** Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

*** Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail
hour.

*** To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

*** Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
supposed to be doing.

*** Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail.

*** The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held
responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits
or is fired.

*** There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there
is always enough time to do it over.

*** The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.
(For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and
Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).

*** If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are
really good, you will get out of it.

*** You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your
desk.

*** People are always available for work in the past tense.

*** If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

*** At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
number of pens that person is carrying.

*** When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

*** You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least
like.

*** No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

*** When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily
by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

*** The longer the title, the less important the job.

*** Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the
repairman arrives.

*** An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government
economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

*** Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

*** All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.

*** Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
 
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