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Blessings out of times of trials and hardships

AndyM

Charter Member
Dargo wrote this in another thread a couple of days ago and it gave me the motivation to tell our story...

I'm not known for being politically correct, so I won't change my ways now. If a man impregnates a woman, it is his responsibility to make sure that that child is raised to adulthood by the toil of his own hands and by the labor of his back. For the vast majority of cases, the woman seems willing to do her part to raise the child. If a man thinks he is simply, for lack of better terms, a sperm donor, castration is in order once it is proven that he does not take responsibility for caring for the life he brought into being. And, yes, in the cases where a woman pops them out of the oven and then just dumps them, fix her as well.

Do that along with spending a hell of a lot more time and effort in getting children placed in loving families who will do darn near anything to have a child to raise and the over population issue all but disappears. I've already clearly stated how many children I have and I guarantee you that each one of them has been provided for by me. It just so happens that I think it is the greatest honor in the world to be able to do so. In case you are wondering what the meaning of life is, ask a proud parent. We have so many qualified couples who have the desire and ability to care for children that it is truly sad what is going on. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair that slugs who don't deserve anything and have no desire to care for the child they brought into this world is able to drop them like rabbits while others who wait and plan so carefully are unable to have their own. The answer is here and clear. We just need the balls to do what it takes.



I could write an entire book of all that has happened during the past couple of years, but here is the short version of two chapters.


We first met our oldest daughter in October 2007, six hours after she was born.
Her birthmother was married but her husband wasn't the father. She hid the pregnancy from everyone except her husband and a friend. Even her 12 year old and 8 year old daughters didn't know she was having a baby. Her husband told her she couldn't bring the baby home that wasn't his. Without going into all of the details here, we adopted her and finalized everything in the courts six months later.

Fast forward to May 2009...
Received a call from the adoption agency we went through in 2007. Birthmother is due any day, same father as last time. She is now separated from her husband, but lives in a house he owns. Again, the pregnancy was kept secret, but the baby's birthfather knows this time. She says she can't keep the baby and hopes we would want to keep brother and sister in the same home. Baby Benjamin was born on May 10 and she says knowing he is going home with us is the best Mother's Day present she could have received.


To make a long story short, she decided six weeks later that she wanted her baby back. Again, without going into the details, there was nothing we could legally do to keep him. The adoption agency did get the county childrens' services agency involved however, because of the physically abusive birthfather (whom she had a restraining order against but was continuing to see) and other issues, but obviously they must not have felt there was a case to pursue any further. She told her daughters they had a six week old brother and he left our home. We sent a nice letter and a box of items with him, because even though we felt angry at the time it was also important to be gracious toward her.

By her choice, we have never met her after either birth. We do know a little bit about her, including the city where she lives. We wish we knew her address so we could anonymously send some grocery gift cards and some clothes for the little one. We did find her “My Space” page and do see a photo or two of her son every now and then, but it's sad to see her publicly describe her difficulties on the internet:

  • She casually mentions physical abuse from her guy friend and the lack of support she gets from him.
  • She says her little boy thinks she's a buffoon because she can't afford to by him anything for Christmas.
  • Four days ago she writes Why did I do this 2 me n my grls n our families.Wish I could jump ship And woulda stayed with my decision from the start.N never had been swayed
  • Now she is reporting the baby's father has someone else pregnant.
I wish she had the friends or family or other support to help her work through things. On one hand, we want to anonymously send an email asking for her address to send a box of clothes and stuff to her, but we can't help but get the feeling going on inside of us thinking we could have done a better job... but it's her son and her decision, not ours, if she wants to change her mind again.

The last few years of our lives have been amazing. (like I said, I could write an entire book on everything)
During that time, there have been times of peaks and valleys, but the blessings that came out of the trials and hardships are indescribable. Looking back, we now understand why we had to go through all of them. However, there has been that one loss we went through this past June that was particularly difficult to go through and hard to understand at this time. There are a lot of times that all kinds of "Why?" questions swirl around inside our heads...
But we are indeed blessed with everything we do have.

Merry Christmas to all of you.
 
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BigAl

Gone But Not Forgotten
SUPER Site Supporter
Wow ! That is a heck of a story . I know the Good Lord has a special place in Heaven for you and your wife someday . God Bless you . You have my total respect and admiration . Merry Christmas Mr & Mrs Andy M !

Respectfully ,
Allen
 

NorthernRedneck

Well-known member
GOLD Site Supporter
As hard as it is to hear your story, it's also enlightening for me as I work in the children's aid field and we deal with family violence/abuse on a daily basis. We do have foster parents who would love to have the opportunity to adopt but in this day and age, that's a very unlikely senerio. Our agency's ultimate goal is reunification between child and biological family whenever possible. There are so many steps that have to be taken in order for children to be considered a possible adoption candidate. I don't know how it is in the states but up here, all the biological parents have to do is express intent to get their children back then that becomes the ultimate goal. Of course, we don't simply hand the children over. An investigation is done and there are strick guidelines we follow to determine the level of threat to the child. And, if the immediate threat to the child is minimal, then there is little a children's aid society can do to take the children away from the biological parents. And if we do take the children away and place them into foster care, then the parents go through various treatment programs and have strict criteria to follow in order to get their children back.

I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but if the parents express their desire to keep their children even after offering to give them up for adoption, then that becomes the goal(at least up here it does)

I also understand your side of the situation. Without going into any detail, I live in a relatively small town. I know allot of the foster parents on a personal level that I work with on a daily basis. We have cases where the foster family would love to adopt and we'd ultimately like to see that scenerio for the children but as long as their is the slightest chance that the biological parents may eventually want their children back, then there is nothing we can do.

If you would like any further advice on this, feel free to PM me.

As BigAl said...God bless you and Merry Christmas!
 

buckle97

New member
SUPER Site Supporter
Thanks for telling that wonderful and personal story, Andy. You certainly have been through a lot and are probably a better man for it.
Now you have to tell us sometime about the other cutie we see in your pictures!
 
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