Bar Jokes......

I was at a bar standing next to a blind man.
He just had his last drink so I asked him if I could get him another.
He said, "No, I only have two pints before I go Parachuting."
I said, " A blind man parachuting?", "How do you manage that?"
He replied, "I just get in, strap on a chute and jump out when the buzzer sounds."
I asked, "How do you know when to keep your knees and feet together?"
He said, "When the dogs lead goes slack!"



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A guy walked in to a bar with a Cocker Spaniel.
Barman said, "Sorry, no dogs allowed in here except guide dogs
and guide dogs are either German Shepherds or Labradors."
The guy said, "Oh sh!t, what have they given me then?"


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My mate and I walked in to a pub eating sandwiches..
Landlord says, "You're not allowed to eat your own food in here."
So we swapped sandwiches.


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I was standing at the bar, I said to the landlord,
"Thats a great bulls head you have mounted on the wall."
He said, "Yeah, That killed my father."
I asked, "was he a bull fighter then?"
Landlord said, "No, He was sitting in that corner playing Dominos when it fell on him."


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walked into a bar the other day and it knocked me out
it was an iron bar

Did you hear about the guy who was in a bar about as drunk as its
possible to get.

A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans
and take him home.
First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out
where he lives, but he keeps falling down. He fell down eight more
times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud.
After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting
him to the door.

His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband."

The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?"

http://www.netcookingtalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17828

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
A giraffe walks into a bar. "High balls are on me!"[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks."[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house."[/FONT]