Doctor

The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but I'm afraid you were in a pile-up on the motorway.'

'You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything seems to be OK, but there is a bit of bad news and I'm going to break it to you as gently as I can....

"Your dick was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."'

The bloke groans a bit (as you do) but the doctor goes on,

'We've checked your insurance and you've actually got a $9,000 compensation coming to you and the good news is that we have the technology now to build you a new dick that will work just as well as your old one, better in fact.

But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It is one thousand $$$ an inch.'

The bloke perks up a bit at this (as you would.)

'So it's a simple decision,' the doctor says, "You need to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch dick before and you decide to go for a nine dick now, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine incher before and you decide only to invest in a five incher now, she might be a bit disappointed.

So it's important that you consult with her to help you make the decision.'

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife

The doctor comes back the next day.

'So' he says, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have.' says the chap.

'And has she helped you to make the decision?'

'Yes, she has' he says.

'And what is the decision?' asks the doctor.

'We're having a new kitchen.'

I never gave you permission to print my story...