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Old 10-29-2018, 08:01 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

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  #442  
Old 10-29-2018, 08:49 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Some people probably don't know this.

Military barbers shave their privates.
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  #443  
Old 11-05-2018, 09:56 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

You know what seems odd to me?

Numbers that are not divisible by 2.
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Old 11-05-2018, 10:22 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Do you know what the definition of a will is?

It's a dead giveaway.
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  #445  
Old 11-05-2018, 10:25 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

According to a new study out of Harvard today, it is easier for people to be moral in the morning.

The study says people are more moral at the beginning of the day, but they become more dishonest as the day goes on.

So I guess when people say "Congress is as dishonest as the day is long,"

We now have scientific proof!!!
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  #446  
Old 11-05-2018, 11:30 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I've decided I'm over this daylight savings time thing. I won't do that whole "turn your clock back" routine this year.

From now on if you need me,

I'll be in the future!!!!
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  #447  
Old 11-10-2018, 10:00 AM
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  #448  
Old 11-10-2018, 08:19 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Quote:
Originally Posted by pirate_girl View Post
Canada Bob Jones' Law:
A Smith and Wesson beats four of a kind.

The Law of Selective Gravity:
Any tool, when dropped, will land where it can do the maximum damage.

Intelligence Law: Wisdom always seems to resemble simply being too tired.
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  #449  
Old 11-14-2018, 09:53 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Wow apparently it's "rude" to ask the parents of a kid on a leash if it was a rescue
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Old 11-23-2018, 08:42 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I opened my electric bill at the same time I opened my water bill.

I was shocked!
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  #451  
Old 11-23-2018, 08:50 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman,

"Which book has helped you most in your life?"

The woman replied,

"That would be my husband's check book."
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  #452  
Old 11-26-2018, 05:42 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Well, I can't afford health insurance anymore.

But the good news is, I still have car insurance.

So whenever I get really sick, I'll just go crash my car into a tree.
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  #453  
Old 11-27-2018, 08:12 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

A guy calls 911 in a panic. My wife is having a baby. Her contractions are only one minute apart.

Calm down the 911 operator says. Is this her first child.

No you idiot the guy shouts.

This is her husband!
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Old 11-29-2018, 04:16 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

...
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  #455  
Old 11-29-2018, 09:16 PM
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  #456  
Old 12-13-2018, 11:38 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Turns out they give the flu shot in the arm these days.

So basically there was really no reason for me to drop my pants in front of about twenty old women at Walgreens this morning.
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Old 12-14-2018, 12:57 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

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Turns out they give the flu shot in the arm these days.

So basically there was really no reason for me to drop my pants in front of about twenty old women at Walgreens this morning.
If you got it, flaunt it.
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  #458  
Old 12-18-2018, 08:38 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

So ..... RSVP
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  #459  
Old 12-19-2018, 09:58 AM
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  #460  
Old 12-23-2018, 02:39 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Do you realize that if you are sitting on the toilet at 11:59pm and the clock strikes midnight, it's the same $hit different day?

Canadian eh!!!
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