Ray
Member
ULTIMATE ANGER MANAGEMENT
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
[FONT="]I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]to[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying: 'Hello.'[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'[/FONT]
[FONT="]Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the[/FONT][FONT="] right f***ing number!' [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]could[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]found[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!' It always cheered me up.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'[/FONT]
[FONT="]He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!' and hung up.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole , too.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'Yes, it is.' I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rancher, and the car's parked right out in front.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'Yes?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!' Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'Hello.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He asked, 'Are you still there?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Yeah.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He screamed, 'Stop calling me.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Make me.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He asked, 'Who are you?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow rancher, I have a black Beamer parked in front.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Then I called Asshole #2.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'Hello?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Hello, asshole,'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'You'll what?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass!'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I answered, 'Well, asshole, you're going to get your chance. I'm coming over there right now.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax ..[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.[/FONT]
[FONT="]NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.[/FONT]
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
[FONT="]I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]to[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying: 'Hello.'[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'[/FONT]
[FONT="]Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the[/FONT][FONT="] right f***ing number!' [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]could[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]found[/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!' It always cheered me up.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'[/FONT]
[FONT="]He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!' and hung up.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole , too.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'Yes, it is.' I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rancher, and the car's parked right out in front.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'Yes?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!' Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'Hello.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He asked, 'Are you still there?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Yeah.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He screamed, 'Stop calling me.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Make me.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He asked, 'Who are you?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow rancher, I have a black Beamer parked in front.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Then I called Asshole #2.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He said, 'Hello?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'Hello, asshole,'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I said, 'You'll what?'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass!'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I answered, 'Well, asshole, you're going to get your chance. I'm coming over there right now.'[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax ..[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.[/FONT]
[FONT="]NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.[/FONT]