• Please be sure to read the rules and adhere to them. Some banned members have complained that they are not spammers. But they spammed us. Some even tried to redirect our members to other forums. Duh. Be smart. Read the rules and adhere to them and we will all get along just fine. Cheers. :beer: Link to the rules: https://www.forumsforums.com/threads/forum-rules-info.2974/

Tidbits AKA Groaners

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Doc

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Confucius says "man who want pretty nurse.
Must be patient."
 

Doc

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My buddy held up two kayak paddles, and ask me which one I wanted.
I said "I will take either oar."
 

Doc

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I knew the psychic I saw this afternoon was full of crap,
The very moment she accepted my check!
 

Doc

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People say that there is no difference between ‘finished’ and ‘complete’.
I say there is.....
Marry the right person, and you’re ‘complete’
Marry the wrong person, and you’re ‘finished’
 

Doc

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You know why politicians try so hard to get re-elected?
Because they can't make a living under the laws they've passed.
 

Doc

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I think Congressmen should wear uniforms.
like NASCAR drivers,
so we could identify their corporate sponsors!
 

Doc

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I'm great at multi-tasking.
I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
 

Doc

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Why did the author write his novel in the basement?
He wanted it to be a best~cellar.
 

Doc

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A man was pulled over by Jacques Gilbert for speeding, and ask "why was I stopped, when I wasn't the only one speeding?"
Jacques said " have you ever been fishing?"
The man said yes.
Jacques ask "Did you ever catch them all?"
 

Doc

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When my girlfriend picks a restaraunt that I don’t like,
I just say “oh yeah! That’s where that really cool, cute girl works”.
Problem solved.
 

Doc

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"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.
"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral.
She stopped in to see you."
 

rlk

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Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
 

Doc

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I accidentally wore a red shirt and khaki pants to target today.
The great news is I got promoted to assistant manager.
 

Doc

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An arrogant young woman wired home from her new job:
"Made supervisor: feather in my cap." A few weeks later, she wired again,
"Made manager: feather in my cap." Then, after a few more weeks she sent another:
"Fired: send money for ticket to fly home." Her parents wired back:
"No ticket necessary.
Use feathers."
 

Doc

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2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement =
1 bananosecond
 

pirate_girl

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Was watching some old show the other night.
On commenting about someone's thinness, the funny guy said;

You're showing more ribs than a $2 umbrella.
I groaned, then laughed. :biggrin:
 

Doc

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Yesterday at a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little.
"Nervous?" asked the interviewer.
I replied,
"No, I always give 110%."
 

Doc

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A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces.
One is paid parking."
 
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