• Please be sure to read the rules and adhere to them. Some banned members have complained that they are not spammers. But they spammed us. Some even tried to redirect our members to other forums. Duh. Be smart. Read the rules and adhere to them and we will all get along just fine. Cheers. :beer: Link to the rules: https://www.forumsforums.com/threads/forum-rules-info.2974/

Tidbits AKA Groaners

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Jim_S

Gone But Not Forgotten
GOLD Site Supporter
The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
 

Jim_S

Gone But Not Forgotten
GOLD Site Supporter
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade.

If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
Why did God create man before woman?

Because He did not want any advice.
 

NorthernRedneck

Well-known member
GOLD Site Supporter
[emoji38][emoji12]
ac5bafecef280ce9831812771a212d5b.jpg
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
Starting today!
I'm going to live everyday like it's my last.

Who would clean the house on their last day on earth?
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people.

"Do you take children?' the man asked.

"No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
You might be a Redneck if ...

A night on the town includes city jail.

All of your relatives' cars have "Tag Stolen" signs in the rear window.

All of your relatives would have to die to wipe out illiteracy.

All your tupperware is old butter containers.

All your wall decorations have horns on them.
 

Jim_S

Gone But Not Forgotten
GOLD Site Supporter
Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
 

FrancSevin

Proudly Deplorable
GOLD Site Supporter
my wife gave me a new "T" shirt which proclaims

"Fishing saved me from being a Porn Star, Now I'm just a Hooker"
I thought it was Punny.
 

FrancSevin

Proudly Deplorable
GOLD Site Supporter
I keep getting pop-ups that promise....;

End ED tonite!!!

Try this simple trick

Wives are Shocked!!!


so I clicked on it...?:unsure:


Wait for it​

Worked for me!!!!:clap::clap::clap:


digiSE264_Nicole_Scherzinger.jpg


 

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
I keep getting pop-ups that promise....;

End ED tonite!!!

Try this simple trick

Wives are Shocked!!!


so I clicked on it...?:unsure:


Wait for it​

Worked for me!!!!:clap::clap::clap:


digiSE264_Nicole_Scherzinger.jpg


Nicole vs Viagra.
Hmmm.. might work.
:th_lmao:
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
A friend of mine said she doesn't understand cloning.

I told her that makes two of us!
 

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
 

Jim_S

Gone But Not Forgotten
GOLD Site Supporter
No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team's winning.
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
Ordered a Fitbit today.
Visa called to see if someone stole my card !!!!
 

Jim_S

Gone But Not Forgotten
GOLD Site Supporter
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery
tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
I am glad that I don't have to go out and hunt my food.

I don't even know where sandwiches live.
 

Jim_S

Gone But Not Forgotten
GOLD Site Supporter
A blonde told the auto parts clerk, "Do you have a longer dipstick for a Toyota?"

The puzzled clerk responded, "Why do you need a longer dipstick?" She said, "Because this one no longer reaches the oil!"
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
I want to say to the person who affixed the word coffee to the word cake.

Justifying the eating of cake for breakfast,

I salute you hero of the unhealthy!
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
Why were stock analysts created?

To make weather forecasters look good.
 

Jim_S

Gone But Not Forgotten
GOLD Site Supporter
If it's really a supercomputer, how come the bullets don't bounce off when I shoot at it?
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
When we are young we sneak out of the house to go to parties.

When we are old we sneak out of parties to go home.
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
Me: It's not how many times you fall down. It's how many times you get up.

Police officer: That's not how a field sobriety test works.
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.
 
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