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  #181  
Old 04-20-2017, 02:39 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Confucius says "man who want pretty nurse.
Must be patient."
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  #182  
Old 04-20-2017, 02:40 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

My buddy held up two kayak paddles, and ask me which one I wanted.
I said "I will take either oar."
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  #183  
Old 04-20-2017, 02:40 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I knew the psychic I saw this afternoon was full of crap,
The very moment she accepted my check!
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  #184  
Old 04-20-2017, 02:42 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Never trust atoms,
they make up everything.
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  #185  
Old 04-20-2017, 02:43 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

People say that there is no difference between ‘finished’ and ‘complete’.
I say there is.....
Marry the right person, and you’re ‘complete’
Marry the wrong person, and you’re ‘finished’
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  #186  
Old 04-20-2017, 02:43 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

You know why politicians try so hard to get re-elected?
Because they can't make a living under the laws they've passed.
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  #187  
Old 04-20-2017, 02:44 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I think Congressmen should wear uniforms.
like NASCAR drivers,
so we could identify their corporate sponsors!
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  #188  
Old 04-20-2017, 02:44 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I'm great at multi-tasking.
I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
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  #189  
Old 04-20-2017, 03:53 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Why did the author write his novel in the basement?
He wanted it to be a best~cellar.
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  #190  
Old 04-20-2017, 03:55 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

A man was pulled over by Jacques Gilbert for speeding, and ask "why was I stopped, when I wasn't the only one speeding?"
Jacques said " have you ever been fishing?"
The man said yes.
Jacques ask "Did you ever catch them all?"
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  #191  
Old 04-20-2017, 03:56 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

When my girlfriend picks a restaraunt that I don’t like,
I just say “oh yeah! That’s where that really cool, cute girl works”.
Problem solved.
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  #192  
Old 04-20-2017, 04:12 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.
"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral.
She stopped in to see you."
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  #193  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:09 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Velcro, what a rip off!
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  #194  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:11 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
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  #195  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:11 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
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  #196  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:12 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
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  #197  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:13 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
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  #198  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:13 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
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  #199  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:14 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
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  #200  
Old 04-23-2017, 02:15 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Typo.
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