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Anger Management

Junkman

Extra Super Moderator
When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying
'Hello.'

I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number
to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed

the last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an asshole!'
And hung up.

I wrote his number down

with the word 'asshole' next to it,
And put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our

Caller ID Program?'

He yelled
'NO!'
And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!'
And hung up.

One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot

I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled

that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said,
'Yes, it is.'

I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax
It's a yellow ranch style house

And the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked,
'What's your name?'

He said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said,
'Yes?'

I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called asshole #1.

He said,
'Hello'

I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked,
'Are you still there?'

I said,
'Yeah!'

He screamed,
'Stop calling me'

I said,
'Make me.'

He asked,
'Who are you?'

I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax ,
a yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said,
'Hello?'

I said,
'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said,
'You'll what?'

He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass'

I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.
 

ki0ho

Active member
GOLD Site Supporter
Great post....funny as hell.....only problems there arent any more reps.....all gone away!!!!
 

JEV

Mr. Congeniality
GOLD Site Supporter
Great story, and worthy or reps from the #6 "repper" on FF. But, alas, the all-wise mods and site owner chose to "level the playing field" and removed the reputation option to give you the justly-deserved reps as we had done in the past. I'm sure that if they were left in place that the reps would force seniors to choose between eating fog food or starve to death, and 70, 000 children across the globe would have died if the option were left in place as well. The reps weren't bothering anyone except the 1 or 2 liberal crybabies who have nothing to offer worth giving reps for, and were feeling left out because they were/are so boring. I feel so protected from myself that I think I'm going to have an orgasm. JMHO
 

CityGirl

Silver Member
SUPER Site Supporter
Thread reminds me of this song
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPWHfrU3PSQ"]YouTube - The I-95 "Asshole" Song **With Lyrics**[/ame]
 
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