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Having A Baby

Simon

New member
The Smiths were
unable to
conceive
children and
decided to use
a surrogate
father to
start their
family. On the
day the proxy
father was to
arrive, Mr.
Smith kissed
his wife
goodbye and
said, 'Well,
I'm off now.
The man should
be here soon.'


Half an hour
later, just by
chance, a
door-to-door
baby
photographer
happened to
ring the
doorbell,
hoping to make
a sale. 'Good
morning,
Ma'am', he
said, 'I've
come to...'

'Oh, no need to
explain,' Mrs.
Smith cut in,
embarrassed,
'I've been
expecting
you.'


'Have you really?'
said the
photographer.
'Well, that's
good. Did you
know babies
are my
specialty?'

'Well that's what
my husband and
I had hoped.
Please come in
and have a
seat !.


After a moment she
asked,
blushing,
'Well, where
do we start?'

'Leave everything
to me. I
usually try
two in the
bathtub, one
on the couch,
and perhaps a
couple on the
bed. And
sometimes the
living room
floor is fun.
You can really
spread out
there.'

'Bathtub, living
room floor? No
wonder it
didn't work
out for Harry
and me!'


'Well, Ma'am, none
of us can
guarantee a
good one every
time. But if
we try several
different
positions and
I shoot from
six or seven
angles, I'm
sure you'll be
pleased with
the results.'

'My, that's a
lot!', gasped
Mrs. Smith..

'Ma'am, in my line
of work a man
has to take
his time. I'd
love to be In
and out in
five minutes,
but I'm sure
you'd be
disappointed
with that.'


'Don't I know it,'
said Mrs.
Smith quietly.



The photographer opened his
briefcase and
pulled out a
portfolio of
his baby
pictures.
'This was done
on the top of
a bus,' he
said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs.. Smith exclaimed,
grasping at
her throat.

'And these twins turned out
exceptionally
well - when
you consider
their mother
was so
difficult to
work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs.
Smith.


'Yes, I'm afraid
so. I finally
had to take
her to the
park to get
the job done
right. People
were crowding
around four
and five deep
to get a good
look'

'Four and five
deep?' said
Mrs. Smith,
her eyes wide
with
amazement..

'Yes', the
photographer
replied. 'And
for more than
three hours,
too. The
mother was
constantly
squealing and
yelling - I
could hardly
concentrate,
and when
darkness
approached I
had to rush my
shots.
Finally, when
the squirrels
began nibbling
on my
equipment, I
just had to
pack it all
in.'


Mrs. Smith leaned
forward. 'Do
you mean they
actually
chewed on
your,
uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am,
yes.. Well, if
you're ready,
I'll set-up my
tripod and we
can get to
work right
away.'

'Tripod?’, she
queried,
nearly
fainting.


'Oh yes, Ma'am. I
need to use a
tripod to rest
my Canon on.
It's much too
big to be held
in the hand
for long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted
 
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