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Tidbits AKA Groaners

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I must have dreamed that I was a muffler last night.

When I woke up this morning, I was exhausted.

Sent from my SM-G965U1 using Tapatalk
 
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My neighbors had to choose between braces for their kid's teeth or a new boat.

They said they did the right thing and named the boat "Bucky" after their kid.
 
A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.
 
A guy walks into a pharmacy: “I have extreme headaches, my belly cramps, I feel like I’m about to vomit and my back hurts like something tears the muscles apart. Do you have something?”
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Pharmacists: “Nope, I feel fine.”
 
Doctor says to his patient: “Your liver results are back. And frankly, they’re very surprising considering that I only allowed you one glass of wine per week.”
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The patient shrugs: “Do you really think you are the only doctor I am going to?”
 
Does anybody know what Adam said to his wife on December 24?

Merry Christmas Eve!!!
 
A lady who was speeding had an officer pull her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.

After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"

"Yes, I do, officer," she replied.

"Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
 
Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
 
A wife and husband were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

Husband asked her, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' she sighed,

'He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' Husband said,

'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
 
"People should just mind their own business''.

Is probably the funniest thing I've ever read on a social networking site.
 
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