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More from the Onion

mak2

Active member
It would be funny. If it were not true. Nah,it is just not funny, but it is thought provoking.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/deaths-of-20000-japanese-afford-planet-solid-15-mi,19785/

EARTH—Following the recent earthquake and tsunami that tragically took the lives of an estimated 20,000 Japanese citizens, the planet Earth was afforded a good 15 minutes during which its inhabitants behaved like actual human beings, sources reported.

In the quarter-hour that followed news of the massive natural disaster obliterating entire towns and killing or injuring thousands of innocent men, women, and children, social scientists around the globe reported rare—and in many cases unprecedented—occurrences of individuals feeling genuine empathy for their fellow humans, recognizing the evanescence of life, and experiencing a deep sense of awe and humility toward the overwhelming power of nature.

After the 900 seconds had passed, however, this behavior reportedly ceased.

"Though its duration was incredibly brief, in this span of time the entire human race was able to temporarily forget all its petty political interests, narcissism, greed, and ironic detachment for a few moments and behave like real people with compassion and respect," social scientist Dr. Robert Westbrook said of the short-lived burst of basic decency. "There is no evidence of any significant bickering, lying, preening, or self-involvement during this period. In fact, it appears that all 6.7 billion human beings simply stopped for one quarter of an hour, became filled with genuine emotion, and said, 'Oh, no, those poor people,' while keeping their baser instincts in check."

"That they instantly went back to being needy, solipsistic whiners does not change the fact that, for a fleeting moment, the world was a wholly humane and gentle place," Westbrook added.
 

JEV

Mr. Congeniality
GOLD Site Supporter
The guy is a freaking loony bird, cuz I didn't even know about it for at least 6 hours after it happened. So, I was being myself while the rest of the population was supposedly acting compassionate and warm and fuzzy and all that sort of stuff. I'm sure there were a few WWII vets who have it in for the nips, and I don't think their compassion meters budged. More BS you believe in. Hey...I still got that bridge for $800. I take PayPal.
 

Doc

Bottoms Up
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
Joe, it's the onion. :yum: :yum: And though it might have missed you, i think the author is right on about the 15 minutes even though we all did not feel it at the exact same time.
 

loboloco

Well-known member
Man, that dude should never have dropped that much acid. He's having flashbacks and thinks they apply to current events.
 

JEV

Mr. Congeniality
GOLD Site Supporter
Joe, it's the onion. :yum: :yum: And though it might have missed you, i think the author is right on about the 15 minutes even though we all did not feel it at the exact same time.

It would be funny. If it were not true. Nah,it is just not funny, but it is thought provoking.
Enter the believability factor here, so I wasn't missing anything. Sure sounds like mak2 was believing this. JMO
 

mak2

Active member
The guy is a freaking loony bird, cuz I didn't even know about it for at least 6 hours after it happened. So, I was being myself while the rest of the population was supposedly acting compassionate and warm and fuzzy and all that sort of stuff. I'm sure there were a few WWII vets who have it in for the nips, and I don't think their compassion meters budged. More BS you believe in. Hey...I still got that bridge for $800. I take PayPal.

Oh I see, you did believe it and you are trying to act like I did so you dont feel so stupid. :smile:
 
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