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  #41  
Old 01-17-2016, 08:15 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
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  #42  
Old 01-22-2016, 11:48 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

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You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Happens to me all the time.
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  #43  
Old 02-17-2016, 07:45 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

REDNECK WORDs OF THE DAY:

Munts: Its been four munts since I heard from my brother.

All: Im gonna need me a all change on that truck.

Bawl: You gotta bawl that water fo you put in the egg.
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  #44  
Old 02-17-2016, 07:46 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

A good looking girl waved at me today…
But there was no way I was swimming out that far to see her.
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  #45  
Old 02-17-2016, 08:00 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

Bob and his wife Judy (both blonds) live in Ohio.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say:
"We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must
park your car on the even numbered side of the street,
so that the snowplow can get through"
Judy goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says: "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow
today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side
of the street, so that the snowplow can get through."
Judy goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the
radio announcer says: "We are expecting 8-10 inches of
snow today. You must park........... ," then the electric
power goes out. Judy is very upset, and with a worried look
on her face she says, "Honey, I just don't know what to do.
Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow
can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice, which all men,
who are married to beautiful women, exhibit, Bob says,
"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
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  #46  
Old 03-11-2016, 08:58 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

I just saw on "The History Channel" that geologists say in a hundred million years, Asia and America will smash into each other and become one big huge super-continent.
How ironic is that??? Just about the time when we have our loan to China paid off, we become China.
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  #47  
Old 03-16-2016, 07:18 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a mayday: "Mayday! Mayday! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position". She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat".
"Okay" says the voice from the tower. "Repeat after me: Our Father, who art in Heaven..."
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  #48  
Old 03-18-2016, 08:12 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

two blondes ....
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  #49  
Old 03-22-2016, 03:54 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

Why doesn't a bicycle or motorcycle stand up by themselves?

Because they are two tired.

Get it?
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  #50  
Old 03-22-2016, 05:25 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

I have a friend and I'm not saying he is stupid.

However I asked him how to spell 'Mississippi'.
He asked, "The River or the State?"
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  #51  
Old 03-25-2016, 07:12 PM
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How You know Your staying in a redneck hotel?

You call the front desk and say I've gotta leak in the sink.
And the clerk say's "go ahead."
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  #52  
Old 03-25-2016, 07:30 PM
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Did you hear about the calendar thief?
He got 12 months, his days are numbered.
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  #53  
Old 04-04-2016, 07:40 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

I'm going to change my Geico insurance to Allstate,

then change to State Farm,
then back to Geico according to the tv commercials they should owe me $673.
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  #54  
Old 04-05-2016, 06:29 PM
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A recent study has found over 200 dead crows near Bronx New York and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.
However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.

The State of New York hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause in short order.
When crows eat road kill, they always set up another crow as a lookout in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah" but he could not say "Truck".
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  #55  
Old 04-06-2016, 01:05 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc View Post
A recent study has found over 200 dead crows near Bronx New York and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.
However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.

The State of New York hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause in short order.
When crows eat road kill, they always set up another crow as a lookout in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah" but he could not say "Truck".

You should be real proud!!!! That is bad. I mean, really, really freekin' bad.
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  #56  
Old 04-06-2016, 09:44 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

I try Frank. I really try. LOL
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Old 04-07-2016, 07:46 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Insta Groan'ers

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket, went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right. What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow."
The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
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  #58  
Old 04-12-2016, 06:40 PM
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,

"why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the happiest day in her life."

The child thought about this for a moment.

"So why is the groom wearing black?
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Old 04-17-2016, 11:46 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

HOW TO INSTALL A “SOUTHERN” HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of ‘Guns & Ammo’ magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,
Betty Sue, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and
messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood.

Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.
- Cooter
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Old 04-18-2016, 08:05 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like they say on TV,

'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"
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