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  #281  
Old 01-25-2018, 04:02 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

When your retired, you got a lot of free time on your hands.

So this morning I put Super Glue in a non-stick pan.

I wanna see which one is the real deal product here.
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  #282  
Old 02-05-2018, 12:14 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Q: What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl?

A: The Dallas Cowboys.
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  #283  
Old 02-06-2018, 12:09 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

My wife thinks I put football before marriage, even though we just celebrated our third season together
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  #284  
Old 02-10-2018, 08:20 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

What rock group has four men who can't sing?







Mt. Rushmore.
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  #285  
Old 02-10-2018, 09:30 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller!
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  #286  
Old 02-10-2018, 10:20 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I have six locks on my door, all in a row.

When I go out, I lock every other one.

I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks.

They are always locking three of them.
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  #287  
Old 02-13-2018, 03:42 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

REDNECK WORD OF THE DAY:
SENSUOUS

Husband to wife, sensuous up go make me a samich.
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  #288  
Old 02-13-2018, 03:50 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Sometimes I wonder if it is a coincidence that morning and mourning sound alike?
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  #289  
Old 02-15-2018, 06:54 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

This year I've got my girlfriend a Valentine's Day present that will really take her breath away.

A treadmill!
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  #290  
Old 02-28-2018, 07:48 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Not to brag, but I just went into another room and actually remembered why I went in there...

It was the bathroom.

But still.
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  #291  
Old 03-06-2018, 05:12 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I found out this morning that you can't use "beef stew" as a password.

It's not stroganoff!
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  #292  
Old 03-06-2018, 05:57 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

...
Attached Images
  
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  #293  
Old 03-08-2018, 07:05 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

It was thirty years ago today that I lost my wife.

I'll never forget that card game!
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  #294  
Old 03-12-2018, 10:10 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Women say men are a lot like shopping carts, when you finally find one without a screwed up wheel.

It already has a woman pushing it around.
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  #295  
Old 03-13-2018, 10:37 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

When a dog sniffs another dog’s poop

I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
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  #296  
Old 03-14-2018, 06:01 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

They say there's no fool like an old fool.

But I telling you, some of these young fools are showing real promise!
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  #297  
Old 03-14-2018, 06:04 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I believe that this daylight savings time change is by far,

the absolute lamest form of time travel.
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  #298  
Old 03-14-2018, 06:04 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I believe that this daylight savings time change is by far,

the absolute lamest form of time travel.
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  #299  
Old 03-17-2018, 09:38 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Called my new doctors office and asked for the quickest way to get there.

They asked if I was walking or driving. I said driving. They said "thats the quickest way"
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Sometimes I'm fast. Most of the time I'm half fast!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together!

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate

FF REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
EVERYONE GETS ENOUGH EXERCISE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS, FLYING
OFF THE HANDLE, RUNNING DOWN THE MODERATORS, KNIFING FRIENDS IN THE
BACK, DODGING RESPONSIBILITY AND PUSHING THEIR LUCK.
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  #300  
Old 03-20-2018, 04:10 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments.
__________________
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The United States Constitution 1787. All Rights Reserved

Sometimes I'm fast. Most of the time I'm half fast!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together!

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate

FF REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
EVERYONE GETS ENOUGH EXERCISE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS, FLYING
OFF THE HANDLE, RUNNING DOWN THE MODERATORS, KNIFING FRIENDS IN THE
BACK, DODGING RESPONSIBILITY AND PUSHING THEIR LUCK.
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