I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

Kind of an interesting, maybe a little morbid, but serious article.



A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?

• 

A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. Photograph: Montgomery Martin/Alamy


There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.
Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called [ame="http://www.amazon.co.uk/TOP-FIVE-REGRETS-DYING-ebook/dp/B005OS3RSK"]The Top Five Regrets of the Dying[/ame].

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

In my 15 years as a Facilities Manager for two global corporations, I had the maintenance function reporting to me. I was charged with hiring, training and evaluating personnel on an annual basis. My philosophy was that to be paid more (get a raise), one had to demonstrate they were worth more. As people progressed in their jobs, it was evident who was more worthy than others (non-union environments). The shining stars were targeted for more responsibility in the form of supervision and/or management functions. I remember three individuals who had the balls to refuse promotions, telling me that they were doing exactly what they wanted to do as far as their job was concerned, and were not interested in supervisory promotions. Each said they would welcome more training to learn to work on other pieces of equipment, but please don't make them stop doing what they loved to do.

I respected them for their honesty, and did my best to find other opportunities for them. As you might imagine, HR and my boss (a Marine Corps Lt. Col. in the reserves) were not pleased that I was not promoting from within the ranks, making it tougher on them to bring in supervisory candidates from outside the company. I even received a negative rating in one of my performance evaluations for not pressuring these guys to take a role they did not want, and at which they would probably fail at anyway.

I'm glad my job was eliminated in 2001 by that employer, because today I'm doing exactly what I want to do, with none of the bullshit of corporate pressure. The world needs people in all walks of life, and if they are happy right where they are at, then that is where they should be. I've never gone to a funeral where anyone said that the deceased should have spent more time at work.

Well said Jev.

Well JEV, I guess that I would have joined those 3 guys. Twice I refused a transfer and promotion into "management". They didn't ask a third time. I absolutely loved what I did and didn't want any part of office or corporate politics and I certainly didn't want any of the company personnel bullshit. Luckily, I could still progress up the technical ladder and receive promotions and raises without having to cross over to the management ladder.

I might be one of those who regretted working so hard. On the other hand, working hard gave me the resources to have one hell of a life. On second thoughts, when I peg out of here I don't think that I'm going to regret very much.

A life well lived.

u loved it. 'nuff said. as for the negetives, defy them. refuse. weep sometimes. refuse to give in. as for regrets, i have many.

I have a few regrets in life but they are small compared to the overall happiness I have enjoyed. I even enjoyed a lot of the crazy old drinking times even when they led to pain and suffering. Some of my happiest work time was after giving up a very well paying but highly stressful job. I got sober and took a job delivering produce to a bunch of restaurants all over central Pa. No real headaches other than traffic and the jumbo van I drove had great tunes and was well maintained by someone other than me. Lots of peaceful miles by myself in some pretty countryside. Would like some of that peace at times right now.

There are a few people I regret not capping along the way. Would love to have had more money and time to do what I wanted, and not what just had to be done.

In all honesty I have no regrets about my life as I've lived it. I guess the biggest regret is losing my daughter at such a young age and not seeing it coming the last time I saw her.

I was in the love my job prior to what the company called a "transition to be a more customer service oriented origination". Well they moved people in to position with out much training, and who would have guessed quality dropped drastically. The next letter was that it wasn't the transition it was our lack of commitment! Well to use the analogy the captain of our boat wasn't on the bridge watching were we were going.

They moved all the "programing" in to the engineering \ IT department that me and the other manufacturing support tech's were doing these guys are bright but they can't walk and chew gum let alone work on a 500hp drive or wire up a panel and told me that I couldn't do an online change to the plc with the machine running I asked my boss to get rid of him for 5 minuets and I would have the machine fixed he did I did it and got machine running and we (supervisor and I) got called on the carpet.

I politely explained to the engineering manager that I have been doing this type of repair for almost 30 years (and thinking that I was doing this when he was still in diapers but not saying it) with out a problem and with the checks and double checks in the soft were it was completely safe. He said that I had to "teach" the IT guys how to do this safely because of the job changes and I asked when were they going to teach me how to do their job he said they didn't have to I said knowledge was a 2 way street not a one direction.

When we got out of the meeting my boss said remember you show them what you want to show them not every thing you know.

cowboy,the post made me think about what i want and need to be happy in life, i still have some work and learning to do,if i ever figure life out I'll post my secret. as it is, my regrets are mistakes that for me i had to make to be sure i learned from it, my guess is that for some things i just have to learn the hard way.and I'm sure i will make a few more before i die.

well I got interrupted
Now I do my job to get by.
I love every thing out side of work that much more long motorcycle rides at 34º, being the woman/man of the house while my wife is on them mend is even fun because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel (or is that the oven light I left on?), or even changing the grand kids diapers because that means Ill be teaching the ride a bike and more of what they need.

tom

Thanks for sharing this. I want to be happy, I work because I have to, don't love it but I don't hate it. I do need to start living and being happy.