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  #401  
Old 08-20-2018, 10:03 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Have you ever noticed that getting "suspended with pay".

Only happen in government jobs?
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  #402  
Old 08-20-2018, 10:21 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed.

Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!"

The other woman turned to her and said, "I know! I heard it snoring!"
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  #403  
Old 08-20-2018, 10:23 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

If people from Poland are called Poles,

Why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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  #404  
Old 08-26-2018, 07:06 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

The person sitting next to me on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I used one of my pick-up lines on her.

I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”

“Yes,” she replied, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”
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  #405  
Old 08-26-2018, 09:28 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

The judge reviews the divorce case very carefully and issues his judgement.

"Mr Smith, I am going to give your wife $750 a month."

Mr. Smith's replies, "That's very nice of you, judge. And every once in a while I will send her a little extra too."
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  #406  
Old 08-27-2018, 01:41 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

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  #407  
Old 08-29-2018, 09:28 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

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  #408  
Old 08-29-2018, 09:45 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Quote:
Originally Posted by pirate_girl View Post


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The United States Constitution 1787. All Rights Reserved

Sometimes I'm fast. Most of the time I'm half fast!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together!

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate

FF REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
EVERYONE GETS ENOUGH EXERCISE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS, FLYING
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BACK, DODGING RESPONSIBILITY AND PUSHING THEIR LUCK.
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  #409  
Old 08-29-2018, 03:18 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Quote:
Originally Posted by jim slagle View Post
This song and "Bed of Rose's" are what made me a lifelong Statler fan!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fE000LFyuik

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  #410  
Old 08-29-2018, 04:16 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Quote:
Originally Posted by Danang Sailor View Post
This song and "Bed of Rose's" are what made me a lifelong Statler fan!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fE000LFyuik


The Statlers are one of my favorites!
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The United States Constitution 1787. All Rights Reserved

Sometimes I'm fast. Most of the time I'm half fast!

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together!

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate

FF REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
EVERYONE GETS ENOUGH EXERCISE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS, FLYING
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BACK, DODGING RESPONSIBILITY AND PUSHING THEIR LUCK.
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  #411  
Old 09-11-2018, 06:36 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I just sold a lawnmower on Craigslist today.

My neighbor will not wake me up early on a Saturday mowing again.
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  #412  
Old 09-11-2018, 06:40 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

It doesn't matter how much I eat.

My shoes still fit.
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  #413  
Old 09-11-2018, 07:01 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

A friend of mine told me there is life outside the internet.

I told her to send me the link please.
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  #414  
Old 09-12-2018, 09:02 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

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  #415  
Old 09-13-2018, 08:24 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I think Apple has been brain-washing us for years, making us believe that their products are the best.

Just think about it, the first thing they teach us in school is that "A" is for Apple, and the best letter grade is an "A".

Well played Apple........ Well played!
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  #416  
Old 09-13-2018, 08:46 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I hate when I think that I have bought organic vegetables.

Only to get home and find out

There just regular donuts.
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