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Waking from a strange sleep.

Bannedjoe

Well-known member
There was a time, somewhere back in the early or mid 80's, that I gave up television altogether, got rid of it, and didn't have one for quite a few years.


The internet was hardly a thing, but I had a friend who discovered it, and was immediately addicted.
He'd spend many hours a day on it, and I was befuddled.
Why would anyone just sit at a computer terminal all day, really doing nothing, when there's so much other shit you, or we, for that matter could be doing.

I was a much more peaceful person then.
My philosophies then, are still inline with the ones I have today, although I've gotten way off track in my practices for a number of years now.

There's a plane flying at 30,000 feet.
It's filled with nuns, missionaries, and children.

Suddenly it experiences massive engine failure, and the plane plummets from the sky as they all go down screaming and crying until they hit the ground in some remote jungle, burn up, and are eaten by cannibals.

Now, what good did it do me to learn that?
Does it make me happy?
Does that disturbing mental or real picture brighten my day?
Did I need to know this?
Was there possibly anything I could have done about it?
The answers are a resounding NO!

Does it make my world any better just hearing about it?
Definitely not, except for if you subscribe to the news to watch other people's misfortunes so you can sit back, go thank God that wasn't me, and feel that obviously your life has to be better than theirs.

That's a shitty formula for feeling good about oneself.
I believe that's why many people are sucked into the news though, and it's rarely if ever good news, or positive, or any bit uplifting.
It's not healthy for the brain.
So much of the shit just doesn't matter, and there's nothing a person can do about it.

For the last couple of years, I have tried to maintain my inner peace, but derogatorily tried balancing it with the going's on in the world.
It's a recipe that just isn't working.

Too many hours spent each day spent on the net, allowing negative info and energy into my head, and even worse, contributing to it in any number of forms.

As for many, the last number of months has been (to say the least) quite stressful.
And for myself, add in the alien space blob that appeared in my world.

It's now gone, and I feel a weight, and a certain anxiety released.
I feel like I can breathe again, and somehow didn't notice I wasn't up until yesterday.

I'm rather content on my little "island", and I only allow those I want to have around me on it.
(the kid was never allowed up here after the first few days)

Anyway, the world down below me could dry up and blow away, and for the most part, I wouldn't notice unless I was purposely watching it. (there are a few exceptions)
I have found (in my life) the less friends I have, the less people I know, all boils down to less hassles, less letdowns, and less problems and crises in my life to overcome or solve.
I like solving my own puzzles of my own creation, but not so much those of others.
This to me, adds into my formula for inner peace.

A friend once said to me, try to leave flower petals in your path, rather than dogshit for others to step in.
That statement meant a lot to me, although he was the furthest person from actually practicing it.

Of course it's not possible to leave flower petals in every path you take or make, but I feel I have been leaving a few too many dog piles as of late.

I've been quite upset at the stupidity going on this world lately, whether it be real or fabricated.
It has caused me loss of peace, sleep, stress, and somehow, I've put on about 25 lbs I just don't need.
There's the eating, and they say stress (cortisone) doesn't help matters at all either.
The thing is, it's no one's fault but my own.

Not that I don't stay busy all day, and get many things accomplished, but I could do more.
I don't eat much garbage, and prepare mostly whole foods.
I think part of my problem is that I'm eating at the wrong times during the day.
I don't do breakfast. I usually, but not always have lunch. (which is mostly dependent on how focused I am with the days projects)
And I always have a nice big monster calorie and protein filled overdose at dinnertime.

I think I need to start the day with maybe a few eggs and fruit, have a decent lunch, and something very light for dinner.
It's hard to not crave sugar at certain times, especially when alcohol is absent.

And......

For the umpteenth time in my life, I have quit drinking.
It doesn't do a damn thing for me. (Except sometimes I forget that, and remember that I used to like it.)

It disrupts my sleep.
It makes me sweat the crap out of the the bed, and I wake up in soaked sheets.
A drink or two doesn't do a whole lot for me, and after the second or so, I feel as though my BP is going up, and maybe my heart rate isn't right.
I have a couple more, and I finally feel as though I've gotten over that "hump" and things start to feel good.
It's after that point I could easily drink like a fish, but I promised myself long ago to never get falling down, blackout drunk.

I never wake up with a hangover, because I never let myself go that far, I do have control.
But the hardest of things is I'll wake in the mornings with my thoughts reeling like crazy, feel overwhelmed, and have an unexplainable feeling of doom and gloom that takes hours to subside.
(This doesn't happen without booze.)

It's also about that time (as of late) I get on the net, and go back and see what stupid fucking things I may have said or posted the night before.
Not that everything I post is BS, untrue, or out of pure drunkenness, it isn't.
I'm honest, hold no punches, and try very hard to say what I mean.
Sometimes I just find that what I mean at night might be different than what I mean in the day.
That's just stupid.

A drinker sometimes can't help but to ask themselves at times when they've been drinking, is this the real me inside here, and how I really feel about myself and life, like I've been given a magical insightful potion, or does this stuff cause me to be a different person?
I think there's a mighty fine there, and I can never seem to feel the transition.

It's one thing in the evening when the mind says, I think I'd like a drink.
It's another when the body says, I need a drink.
When the body asks for alcohol, you done got an issue, stupid.

I never fight, get angry or out of hand, never had a DUI, and can't recall ever waking up totally regretting the hell out of my life for something I did when I was drinking or drunk.
I don't have those kind of issues with the stuff, although I will admit that years ago I have been woken up while peeing in a closet. :megreen:


What it all means, as I've proven to myself a few times over possibly the last 15 years, is the crap just doesn't work, or or do what it used to.
Overall for me, it's just not worth it. It has to go once again.

It's not that hard for me to do, it's been just short of two weeks now.
The last wagon ride lasted about three years until about 6 or 7 months ago when I really started letting shit get to me, and I had forgotten my reasons for quitting previously.


What this boils down to, is it's time for Joe to change things up a bit.
I've forgotten about keeping my inner peace, and have been paying too much attention to a world outside that I can't do anything about.
I'm hating and scowling at people that I don't even know, don't have to see, and that aren't even in my life.
I had gone back to drinking.
I'm polluting my mind with negativity.
I don't feel presentable to society, and really, I may never want to be for that matter.
I've gotten fat, don't fit in all my clothes anymore, and wonder where the hell my dick went when I look down.

I'm not unhappy or depressed, and I'm not making some big dramatic good-bye cruel world post; what I am saying though, is I'm backing way the hell off the internet, and I'm going to change a few things about myself.
It's not that I can't deal with all the world's shit, it's that I've decided I don't want to anymore, and more than that, I just don't need to.
And 99.9% of this shit I'm letting into my world and mind comes from the internet.

I'll still use the net for learning, research, how to's and some laughs.
I'll possibly be in and out here, especially if I think of or see something funny to post, but for now I'm staying out of the politics, and any or everywhere else on the net where the negativity and insanity is being discussed, displayed or reported.
I just don't need to know about it all anymore.

Is ignorance bliss? I don't know for sure, but I think it might just be better to get your ass blown off while your head is in the sand, than to watch it when it happens.

I'm writing this as my own confession of my personal neglections, and confirmation of my plans to get back to what I hope will be a cleaner more more peaceful mind and body.

Thank you.

Peace all.
 

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
Joe you could write a book.
It would be a best seller.
I enjoy reading your posts.
Much of what you said up there, boy do I agree with and can surely identify with much.

Find your peace.
Take care.
Post when you can.
Hugs a bunch!
Loralei :smile:
 

Bannedjoe

Well-known member
Joe you could write a book.
It would be a best seller.
I enjoy reading your posts.
Much of what you said up there, boy do I agree with and can surely identify with much.

Find your peace.
Take care.
Post when you can.
Hugs a bunch!
Loralei :smile:

Thank you.
My writing skills were probably better in the past, but I had no luck getting published, I think it might be due to the material being a little too dark or something. :wink:

My experiment is having some results.

Normally I wake up with coffee already brewed, and before my mind is even awake, I'm sitting in front of my computer.

For the last number of days I have changed that routine.
Now, I wake up, and go sit outside to have my coffee.
I have taken over my wife's task of watering the trees, plants and bushes.
I'm finding it's a much more peaceful way to start the day.
After that, then it's off to doing the things that need doing.

My internet time has been dialed way back.
I'm not paying any attention to the headlines, politics or garbage, and for the last few days, I'm not nearly as consumed with the bullshit.

I feel mellower.
As a matter of fact, I'm taking tomorrow off, and I'm just going to go for a meandering motorcycle ride.
I haven't taken a ride all season, and that's mostly because there isn't anything open for which to make a destination.

So I guess I'll just go out and try to stimulate the economy by burning up some fuel.

It's kind of difficult to write presently, as I feel like I'm rewiring my brain.
I have one more thing to post though...
See the what are you doing today thread.
 

Bannedjoe

Well-known member
A month now into my new program.
Total news and media blackout. Way less stress going on.
No drinking, no sugar, way less fats, more veggies, more fish, same amount of chicken minus most of the skin.
Still a steak every now and then, except instead of a whole one each, my wife and I split one.
Oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, decent lunch, and much lighter dinners.

I've lost 20 lbs.
She's lost 10.
 

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
Cutting way back on the news and any type of media certainly helps my brain!
I'm so NOT up on much of anything that some would consider newsworthy.
I look at other political forums and ask myself "what the hell are they talking about"...
I know the basic world and local news, then leave it at that.
Nothing shocks me anymore.
Nothing.
 
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