I may be in deep Kimshi ...... In the last month two local branches of the same bank has been robbed in my area . They happen to be the bank I deal with . The robber appears to wear a disguise and they are not sure if it is a man or a woman . Both times they got away clean and left no tracks . The FBI is stumped .
So today I am in the bank and asked the teller if she was working when the bank was robbed . She tells me it was her window that the robber came to . She told me they did not show a weapon but demanded money and that it was a hold up . She gave them what she had and they left .
As I drove away I got a very strange feeling
.The more I thought about it the more it made sense .
My wife may have robbed the bank ! There is just too many similarities in the case .
1. My wife wears disguises by putting on a lot of makeup . Hell it could be Jimmy Hoffa under all that crap , for all I know .
2. My wife has never shown me her gun but threatened one on my sorry ass many times over the last 20 years .
3. She demands money all the time .
4. As soon as she gets money she leaves
5. She never leaves a trail of what she buys .
Holy Shit ! All the facts fit .
So I get out the phone book and realize that we don't have no FBI in the local area and so now I have to make a toll call to some big city to report her as a bank robber which is going to cost me more money . Crap.... being a law abiding citizen can be expensive .
I finally decide I will talk fast to try and save money . I dial the number and it is immediately picked up ...... by a answering maching that gives me 1041 different options to who I need to speak to . 32 minutes later option 1040 says press #2457 and the * key to connect to the Bank Robbery division . I press the numbers and accidently press # key . I now get some guys voice mail that says he is out of the office until Thursday , 2011 and to leave a detailed message and a phone number and thanks me for calling the Internet Fraud Division
WTH !!! I hang up .... Dumb dumb dumb ! Now i have start all over again .
I finally get my call placed and a very nice lady FBI agent speaks with me . I try to break the ice and be really friendly and then I tell her my suspicions about my bank robber wife .
Then she asked the strangest question . "Have I been Drinking?" . I turn my mouth away from the phone so she cannot smell my breath and I tell her only a little during the day time but not when I am asleep
. I laugh cause I think that is funnier than Hell ..... She does not laugh and the phone is very silent .FYI....Lady FBI agents have no sense of humor ...
She then informs me that it is a felony to make a prank phone call to a lady FBI Agent who is just about to start her 28 day rotation and is no mood for some wise ass . She ask me if this is some asshole in Internet Fraud Division screwing with them again . I get scared ,tell her I may be Agent 2457# and I am sorry and tell her to have a nice vacation on her 28 days off .She slams down the phone .
I am now a little paranoid ... I been looking out the window all afternoon watching for unmarked FBI cars . So far 1541 cars have drove by . I am now living with a known bank robber. I'm going down
.
The wife is acting all coy
.
I know its only a matter of time before I am somehow tied into this whole mess and end up with some big 400 pound jailcell roomate named BuBa who thinks I have a cute ass .
Maybe I should go on the lamb ???? I wonder where my wife hid the money ?
So today I am in the bank and asked the teller if she was working when the bank was robbed . She tells me it was her window that the robber came to . She told me they did not show a weapon but demanded money and that it was a hold up . She gave them what she had and they left .
As I drove away I got a very strange feeling
.The more I thought about it the more it made sense . My wife may have robbed the bank ! There is just too many similarities in the case .
1. My wife wears disguises by putting on a lot of makeup . Hell it could be Jimmy Hoffa under all that crap , for all I know .
2. My wife has never shown me her gun but threatened one on my sorry ass many times over the last 20 years .
3. She demands money all the time .
4. As soon as she gets money she leaves
5. She never leaves a trail of what she buys .
Holy Shit ! All the facts fit .
So I get out the phone book and realize that we don't have no FBI in the local area and so now I have to make a toll call to some big city to report her as a bank robber which is going to cost me more money . Crap.... being a law abiding citizen can be expensive .
I finally decide I will talk fast to try and save money . I dial the number and it is immediately picked up ...... by a answering maching that gives me 1041 different options to who I need to speak to . 32 minutes later option 1040 says press #2457 and the * key to connect to the Bank Robbery division . I press the numbers and accidently press # key . I now get some guys voice mail that says he is out of the office until Thursday , 2011 and to leave a detailed message and a phone number and thanks me for calling the Internet Fraud Division
WTH !!! I hang up .... Dumb dumb dumb ! Now i have start all over again .
I finally get my call placed and a very nice lady FBI agent speaks with me . I try to break the ice and be really friendly and then I tell her my suspicions about my bank robber wife .
Then she asked the strangest question . "Have I been Drinking?" . I turn my mouth away from the phone so she cannot smell my breath and I tell her only a little during the day time but not when I am asleep
. I laugh cause I think that is funnier than Hell ..... She does not laugh and the phone is very silent .FYI....Lady FBI agents have no sense of humor ... She then informs me that it is a felony to make a prank phone call to a lady FBI Agent who is just about to start her 28 day rotation and is no mood for some wise ass . She ask me if this is some asshole in Internet Fraud Division screwing with them again . I get scared ,tell her I may be Agent 2457# and I am sorry and tell her to have a nice vacation on her 28 days off .She slams down the phone .
I am now a little paranoid ... I been looking out the window all afternoon watching for unmarked FBI cars . So far 1541 cars have drove by . I am now living with a known bank robber. I'm going down
.The wife is acting all coy
.I know its only a matter of time before I am somehow tied into this whole mess and end up with some big 400 pound jailcell roomate named BuBa who thinks I have a cute ass .
Maybe I should go on the lamb ???? I wonder where my wife hid the money
?
