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Family Dinner Fun

Dutch-NJ

New member
When my oldest grandson was 8 years old, he developed an interest in James Bond movies. In one of those movies, Bond was told to turn in his Beretta for a PPK. My grandson asked what those guns were and what they looked like.

Better than tell him, I showed him the real thing.

I also told my grandson that the movie was just a story. James Bond wasn’t told to turn the Beretta in, he “lost” it.

Bond was at Resort’s Casino in Atlantic City (not Casino Royale like in the movie). He lost all his money gambling. His Aston Martin got towed for being illegally parked. He didn’t have the $100 to get it back.

Bond called me. He had already hocked his watch and jewelry. The only thing he had of any value was his Beretta. I loaned him the $100 to get his car back and never saw him again.

Oh, and Bond was drunk, he had puked on his white dinner jacket, and was crying. The woman he was with wasn’t as pretty as your mother. She was an over cosmetized hammered out old hag who had a face lift and phony boobs. She was drunk too, and had lipstick smeared all over her mouth.

......... and here’s James Bond’s real Beretta.

beretta.jpg


I told my grandson I’d give him the Beretta when he turned 16. Last week he did.

He is so proud that he brought it to Thanksgiving dinner to show the other people.

One of my daughter’s friends is a female judge. She asked my grandson if it wasn’t illegal in New Jersey to carry a gun. My grandson shrugged his shoulders and said he didn’t know, but he wasn’t going to carry it. He is just showing it.

She also asked if the Beretta was registered. My grandson told her that ridiculous James Bond story.

This judge had met me before and knew I have a somewhat “colorful” background. The judge asked me if the James Bond story was true and if the actor I met was Sean Connery?

My grandsons burst out laughing, and told her, “No, it’s just one of my grandfather’s wild stories.”

My grandson said, “Grandpa, tell the story of the girl without legs you dated.”

The 15 year old grandson said, “Grandpa, tell the story about your old girlfriend with the part you wanted.”

My wife and daughters shouted in unison, “NO..........”
 
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Dutch-NJ

New member
The other day I sent my grandsons the following email

  • “Grandma told me that one of your mothers got a tattoo.

    I told them I didn’t want any of my daughters getting a tattoo.

    Which one of your mothers has this?

6a00ccff9800b26ea500cdf7e47a36094f-pi



My 15 year old grandson printed it out and showed it at Thanksgiving dinner.

I got glares from my wife and daughters and was told I was, “Disgusting.”
 
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