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  #581  
Old 08-29-2019, 08:33 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

You're only young once.

After that, you need some other excuse for acting like an idiot.
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  #582  
Old 08-29-2019, 09:24 AM
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  #583  
Old 08-31-2019, 08:08 AM
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  #584  
Old 08-31-2019, 08:13 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Teacher: What is an island?

Student : A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side.

Teacher : On one side?

Student : Yes, on top!
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  #585  
Old 09-10-2019, 06:48 AM
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  #586  
Old 09-10-2019, 10:29 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

We had a power outage at our house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down. Then I discovered that my mobile phone battery was dead and, to top it off, it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf and I decided to change the antifreeze in my Crossfire.


I then went to the garage only to find it was too dark to see and the garage doors wouldn’t open. I returned to the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my wife for a couple of hours.


She seems like a nice person.
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  #587  
Old 09-26-2019, 07:30 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

HE MUST PAY
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake.

I am coming to live with you.
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  #588  
Old 09-26-2019, 10:58 AM
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Old 09-30-2019, 06:53 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I wanted to watch the world Origami Championship on TV today.

However it was only on paper view.
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  #590  
Old 09-30-2019, 10:28 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

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I wanted to watch the world Origami Championship on TV today.

However it was only on paper view.
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  #591  
Old 10-01-2019, 08:52 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Redneck words of the day

Spearmint: Billy Ray doin’ some type of spearmint in school.

Clinics: You got any clinics so I could wipe my nose?
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  #592  
Old 10-06-2019, 07:41 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

“Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”
-
“Do you see those 4 trees, son? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
-
“Um, Dad – there are only 2 trees.”

from https://short-funny.com/funniest-jokes-3.php
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  #593  
Old 10-14-2019, 05:41 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

America is over $16 trillion dollars in debt, to put that in context.

Imagine shopping at Whole Foods every day for a month.
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  #594  
Old 10-26-2019, 07:35 PM
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  #595  
Old 10-26-2019, 09:11 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

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That is indeed a groaner.
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  #596  
Old 10-27-2019, 12:39 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

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That is indeed a groaner.
I'll second that.
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  #597  
Old 10-27-2019, 09:06 AM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Should this be in the jokes forum or groaners......
I'm guessing groaners.


Bottom of the ninth, score was tied, 2 outs, 2 strikes, 3 balls, bases loaded.
The countries sweetheart, Mel Famey was pitching.
Mel was pitching the last game of the season for the prize of winning the world series after a serious summer of excessing drinking.
His drinking had gotten so bad that his career was on the line. He tried time and time again to quit, but to no avail.
The pressure was proving to be too much. He snuck a few drinks during the game and it was beginning to show.
He threw what was sadly the last pitch of the game.

The ump yelled, Ball four!

He had lost the world series by one run.

After the stands had cleared, a couple players from the opposing team were walking across the field to their cars.

As they passed the pitchers mound, one looked down, pointed to a crushed can, and ask the other, What is that????

The other looked up and said....




That, was the beer that made Mel Famey walk us.
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  #598  
Old 10-27-2019, 03:24 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

Lol

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Old 11-01-2019, 07:17 AM
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Old 11-03-2019, 09:06 PM
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Default Re: Tidbits AKA Groaners

I lasted an hour and three minutes last night making love to my wife.

Thank you daylight savings time change.



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