This is completely nuts , isn't it ?

Dear Abby (and everyone else) ,
I just want to check on something that is troubling me , I see it as being completely and utterly nuts , innapropriate , immoral and dangerous but want to check I am not biased as I'm not exactly seeing things clearly at present . I have been seperated from my wife for a couple of months , things are fairly friendly at present , not much agro or blame (main problem was 4 1/2 years of my wife suffering severe post natal depression and an unrelated anxiety disorder . I'm mentioning that as I think it is relevent to this problem) . Earlier this week my (ex)wife sent an email discussing a couple of things I had raised recently (agreed with some , argued with others) and then said

I would still love to try for another child even though we are separated. I have always wanted more and you are a good father. My fibroid symptoms are worsening and my cycle changing so I know I only have a few months where it will be possible to have any hope.

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As far as I am concerned there is no way in hell I will help create another child if I can't be there for it , I am having enough trouble coping with being away from my sons (2 years and 4 years old) as it is without creating another child . There is the moral argument , the fact that we are seperated with no prospect of reconciliation and the fact that she didn't cope with the other two boys as babies while I was there as a 24 hour carer (first 4 or 5 months of both boys life I survived on 4 or 5 hours sleep a night while she had 12 plus) . I simply can't believe she could even suggest such a thing .

Please , honestly , am I right in making a stand on this and refusing all contact while this is on the table or am I just too close to things and confused at the moment ?

Honestly I think you are right in every way to say no.

There are so many ways that this can end badly for you and there are very few ways it can end well for another child.

JMO

Dang, I have to say it. Melensdad is exactly right. I have kept probably only one rule in life. That is stay away from ex wifes.

Thank's guy's , that's basically what I'm thinking but it was just so far out there that I was doubting myself if you know what I mean .

Maybe she want's your whole paycheck,
instead of half.

darroll said:

Maybe she want's your whole paycheck,
instead of half.

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That's what I was thinking.

Nahh , my ex wife (still can't get used to calling her that) is a doctor and the primary bread winner so the money side of it isn't an issue .

sports850 said:

Nahh , my ex wife (still can't get used to calling her that) is a doctor and the primary bread winner so the money side of it isn't an issue .

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Ok.. could it in the slightest possibility be that she just wants to have sex with you? I don't know. Mods.. delete this immediately if it is out of line.
But from what you have said so far.. that is the only thing that makes sense.

Anything is possible at this stage (everything else has ben crazy enough) but I would have thought she'd just ask outright for it instead of using the issue of a child to get it . Most likely still wouldn't get sex by asking but there would be a slightly better chance of getting it then asking for another child .

sports850 said:

Anything is possible at this stage (everything else has ben crazy enough) but I would have thought she'd just ask outright for it instead of using the issue of a child to get it . Most likely still wouldn't get sex by asking but there would be a slightly better chance of getting it then asking for another child .

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Women are a different breed. She may be thinking: "I miss the great sex.. but it ain't lady like to want just that - so I'll throw in the idea that sex eaqualls a child."

my wife wich is #2 and teatering on being an ex is the same way girls just have this baby instincteven if they can't handle them mine borrowed one of her sisters, the sister has 9 kids and now my wife can't wait to give it back now for the time being she dosn't want any more.

ps sounds like you are getting along you could always get newtered and not tell her, give her what she wants to get what you need from her and not have to deal with another child you cant see. my hats off to you i love all my children have a long distance relationship with one wife 2 came with 2 kids i treat as mine and than there is the baby now 5 we call him minime

dds said:

sounds like you are getting along you could always get newtered and not tell her, give her what she wants to get what you need from her and not have to deal with another child you cant see.

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I second that - get a vasectomy and don't tell her. Play her along for the month that it takes to heal and then just enjoy yourself.

run and hide.
that would be such bad juju it's not even funny.

sports850 said:

Please , honestly , am I right in making a stand on this and refusing all contact while this is on the table

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Yes.

Thank's everyone , the angry monster has now been unleashed as I kindly and politely explained why I won't attempt to make another child . It's reassuring to know others agree it's the right choice .