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In Case You Missed It

Bamby

New member
President Trump repeated his claim that Google displays a liberal bias against him and other Republicans in search results A new poll says that two-thirds of conservatives believe that social media is censoring their viewpoints. The other one-third didn't respond because they've been blocked.

Aretha's funeral emcee Bishop Charles Ellis apologized for groping Ariana Grande's breast onstage after her singing tribute. Ellis made it appear to be a wrap-around hug while his right hand copped a feel onstage. Seconds later he became the first bishop who ever got a high-five from Bill Clinton.

John McCain was cited as a hero in his Washington Cathedral funeral Saturday with official Washington applauding digs at President Trump in the eulogies. It's all over now. Trump's only consolation was that he spent the day playing golf, where you could say he tied McCain at six-under.

First Man boycotts were organized over the film omitting Armstrong's planting of the U.S. flag on the moon. Proponents of the omission call the flag planting a gesture of U.S. supremacy that is chauvinistic. The Confederate flag heard about the controversy and welcomed the U.S. flag to the club.

President Trump walked onto an arena stage in Indiana Thursday greeted by twenty thousand cheering fans. I was horrified at first when I saw all their right arms go up the air until I realized they were all taking cell phone video. For a split second there I thought CNN had been right all along.

The Hollywood Reporter listed last-minute changes in the fall network TV line-ups, bumping the premieres of some new TV shows to January. Some of the new additions have hit written all over them. NBC just picked up the McCain Funeral for twenty-two episodes for the 2018-19 season.

John McCain was interred Sunday in a ceremony at the U.S. Naval Academy after nine days of funerals, eulogies, lying in state and over-the-top media lionizing. Wednesday will be the third day since John McCain was buried. CNN will be broadcasting from his gravesite all day, just in case.

President Trump tweeted that he's willing to sign a separate trade deal with Mexico if Canada refuses to drop tariffs on U.S. products. It could go either way. The last time Canada was this mad at us they burned down the White House, but that time they didn't have the support of the Democrats.

-- Argus Hamilton

Today, confirmation hearings continued for Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. At one point, a protester screamed, "Sham president, sham justice!" Then security escorted Ruth Bader Ginsburg out of the room.

I read that Joe Biden will decide whether he's running for president in 2020 by this January. He's gonna take a coin and say, "Heads, I run. Tails, I flip again until I get heads."

-- Jimmy Fallon
 
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Bamby

New member
The Senate Judiciary Committee heard Professor Ford and Judge Kavanaugh tell their stories Thursday. Social media erupted into a bitter day-long civil war over the veracity of the testimony. The good news is, Russia just halted trying to divide America on Facebook, saying they can't compete.

GOP Senator Jeff Flake consulted with Senate Democrats and changed his mind about voting to confirm Kavanaugh unless the FBI investigates him. The good news is, Flake just signed a huge deal to endorse a new shoe for Nike. They plan to advertise the shoe as the Air Jordan of Flip-Flops.

Judge Kavanaugh spent more time testifying about his love of beer Thursday than discussing past legal cases. His case history is as general as his Senate testimony. No one knows how Judge Kavanaugh would rule on Roe vs. Wade, he wouldn't even take sides on Less Filling vs. Tastes Great.

Judge Kavanaugh's confirmation vote in the Senate will require fifty-one votes after the FBI probe. In the old days you needed sixty votes, and, he'd need nine Democrats to be confirmed. To get those votes, Kavanaugh would be forced to play the ace up his sleeve and announce that he's gay.

Senate Republicans got Judge Kavanaugh to testify about the price the confirmation process has put on him. His opponents aren't kidding around. While Brett Kavanaugh was describing the things he can no longer do, like coach basketball, he should have added go out to eat in Washington.

Special Counsel Robert Mueller was seen getting his laptop repaired at an Apple store in the D.C. area. Not much came of it. The Apple repair team told Mueller to unplug the witch hunt for five minutes, then plug it back in, and see if that helps find anything incriminating on the president.
 

Bamby

New member
Dems Vow Incivility Until They Are Returned to Power

This week twice-failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton urged the Democratic mob to continue their efforts to intimidate and harass the Party's opponents "until Democrats are restored to power." President Obama's former Attorney General Eric Folder seconded Clinton's remarks calling them "the kind of tough stance we need to ram our message into the skulls of the American voter."

Holder explicitly rejected former First Lady Michelle Obama's advice that Democrats "should take the high road," saying that "the time for polite debate has long since passed. We need more people like Jordan Hunt to take our fight for social justice into the streets."

Jordan Hunt is the Canadian who was videotaped kicking Marie-Claire Bissonnette, an antiabortion protester sitting on the pavement at a demonstration in Toronto on September 23. Hunt tried to justify his assault by alleging "I was trying to kick the phone she was using to videotape me when I tore up her posters. I was a bit off target and ended up kicking her shoulder. But it wasn't a total miss because her phone went flying and I did manage to tear her anti-abortion button off before I fled the scene. It's my bad luck that her video survived and led police to me."

Sen. Mazie Hirono (D-HI) disputed Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's characterization of the insane ranting that has become the signature style of the Democratic Party as "mob tactics." "You are underestimating us," she warned. "We are no mere mob. We are the vanguard of the progressive revolution that will smash the reactionary elements who oppose our struggle to transform this country into a people's republic. History has shown that the righteous wrath of the oppressed to be an irresistible force. In the end, the Grand Old Party will be as unable to stop us as the grand old tsar was unable to stop Lenin."

Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif) blamed the Republicans for the rise of Democrat mobs. "They're the ones who refuse to give us what we want," Waters pointed out. "We wouldn't have to be getting in their faces, hounding them, scaring them, and driving them from public places if they weren't successfully resisting our demands. We didn't used to have to take things so far. It used to be that Republicans would grumble a little bit and then give in. But with Trump egging them on they've morphed into a different animal that now requires more extreme methods if we want the revolution to succeed."

"We've seen how the Republicans have abused their power since they stole the 2016 election from me," Clinton asserted. "They rammed through a tax cut that has deprived the government of sorely needed resources and left that money in the hands of ignorant and selfish anti-government corporations and individuals. And Trump is nominating exclusively conservative judges and the GOP-controlled Senate is confirming them despite the serious allegations our Party has made against them. These are blows aimed at thwarting the changes President Obama promised voters. Democrats can't be expected to accept these abuses without fighting back by whatever means are necessary."

Meanwhile, some insight into the type of "civility" we might expect from an ascendant Democratic Party was provided by a Google briefing book titled The Good Censor. The book admits that Google has taken upon itself the responsibility of policing civility by censoring non-conforming views. Pichai Sundararajan, chief executive officer of Google, explained "when people share a common belief system there are fewer grounds for disagreement and fewer opportunities for uncivil interactions. By filtering out and suppressing the viewpoint outliers we are promoting the kind of unanimity that is conducive to a more civil society."

In related news, a coven of witches has announced plans to cast a hex on newly appointed Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh during an occult ritual to be held on October 20 in New York City. The event is being sponsored by Catland Books—"Brooklyn's premiere occult bookshop." Fifty percent of the funds raised by the event will go charity—25% to a homeless shelter and help center for LGBTQ youth and 25% to Planned Parenthood "in honor of the heroic actions of Jordan Hunt on behalf of our cause."

Fusion GPS Founder to Take 5th

Amid a rising tide of evidence implicating his firm in a conspiracy to rig the 2016 presidential election and the subsequent post-election attempted deep-state coup, Fusion GPS founder Glenn Simpson says he will invoke his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination if Congress insists that he testify before the House Judiciary Committee.

Working at the behest of the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign, Fusion GPS paid former British spy Christopher Steele to compile a dossier of unverified salacious allegations that was meant to torpedo Trump's chances of winning the 2016 election. When the dossier failed to produce the desired election outcome it was then used by corrupt elements in the Department of Justice and FBI to bamboozle the FISA Court to approve covert surveillance of the new president. The dossier also served as the source of "news" stories planted with co-conspiring media in the hope that it would produce public outrage against President Trump.

For his part, Simpson maintains that "I was responding to a higher loyalty than mere observance of obscure statutory law. I see no reason to stick my neck into the noose being prepared by Republicans who are now trying to use those laws against me. If they want to prosecute me they'll have to do it without my help."

Lawyers for Simpson complain that "it is clear that the goal of the House Committee is to discredit the painstakingly constructed story of Trump-Russia collusion that our client and his associates compiled in their patriotic effort to spare the country from the nightmarish Trump Administration. That story is Glenn Simpson's truth. He has a right to be believed until the Committee or some other party can conclusively prove it to be untrue."

Media Disses Kanye West for Meeting with Trump

Stumped by what they regard as "an inexplicable deviation from everything we've come to believe about race in America," talking heads at MSNBC and CNN were at a loss for how to explain the friendly relationship between rapper musician Kanye West and President Donald Trump during their meeting to discuss prison reform.

CNN's Don Lemon said "West's notion that he could persuade Trump to take him seriously is a betrayal of his race. Every sane black person knows that hatred is the only acceptable attitude to have when it comes to Trump. Even if West does get Trump to adopt some of his ideas that would only strengthen this arch enemy of America's minorities. The best I think West can hope for is to become the token negro of the Trump Administration."

CNN political commentator Bakari Sellers augmented Lemon's take, saying "Kanye West is what happens when Negros don't read. All the authentic black intellectuals have written reams of material explaining why blacks need to stay with the Party that has enabled generations of our people to receive trillions of dollars in welfare benefits. West's idea that his path of success through hard work can be replicated is unrealistic."

Over at MSNBC, Stephanie Ruhle called President Trump's meeting with West an "assault on our White House. This is the house where President Obama struggled for eight years to tear down the capitalist system that West now wants to save for his own selfish satisfaction. He is thinking for himself rather than standing with his brothers and sisters in solidarity with the progressive cause."

Dem Bill to Limit Health Options Fails

A bill aimed at preventing consumers from choosing health insurance plans that better fit their needs was introduced in the Senate by Minority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY). If passed, the bill would overrule President Trump's executive order expanding options beyond the limited list of expensive choices mandated under Obamacare.

Schumer complained that "the freedom President Trump injected into federal health care policy allows healthy individuals to choose insurance that is suited to their own needs, regardless of the needs of other, less healthy individuals. As Trump would have it, people who don't want to pay for coverage they don't need can do so. This violates the essential premise of President Obama's health care vision, namely, that everyone should pay for everyone else's health insurance. He was wise enough to realize that only by compelling the majority to pay for what they don't want can the government guarantee that everyone gets the health care that experts agree they ought to have."

The Senator also argued that "Trump's approach poses a significant threat to the health care industry. Expensive Obamacare plans cover expensive treatments that hospitals and pharmaceutical companies depend upon for their income. These companies are virtually unanimous in their support for Obamacare. Are we going to listen to the best and brightest when it comes to crafting policy? Or are we going to let Trump's misguided reverence for individualistic ideals destroy President Obama's socially responsible conception of how we ought to do things?"

Even moderate Republicans rejected Schumer's arguments. Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn) pointed out that "the plans authorized by President Trump allow those not enamored of nanny-state compulsion to make their own choices." Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) said "our constituents deserve more options, not fewer." Schumer's bill narrowly failed on a 50-50 tie vote. That's how thin a margin there is for freedom in the upper house of Congress.

Hillary Says Allegations Against Bill Were Different

In an interview with CNN's Christiane Amanpour former First Lady Hillary Clinton explained the difference between the sexual allegations made against her husband and those made against Donald Trump.

"First of all, Bill was thoroughly investigated," she reminded. "There was forensic evidence of his semen on Monica's dress. So it wasn't just a 'he said, she said' type of case. Second, at the time many women publicly stated that they would gladly service Bill out of gratitude for his support of abortion. Third, the media didn't make a big deal out of it. They realized he was doing a bang-up job as president and were willing to grant forgiveness for his peccadilloes."

"Contrast that with Trump's situation," she went on. "There is no forensic evidence, but there are plenty of clues that have yet to be investigated. On the Access Hollywood tape we have Trump bragging about grabbing women's private parts. In the Steele dossier there is a report of Trump paying prostitutes to urinate on a hotel bed. And Stormy Daniels says the two of them had consensual sex while Trump was married to Melania."

"When you get right down to it, Trump looks pretty wimpy compared to Bill," Hillary maintained. "Bill was daring. Bill wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. I think voters respected him for that and reelected him many times as governor of Arkansas and again as president. To me, that is as clear an exoneration as a person could expect in this country. I would've gotten a similar exoneration if voters hadn't been duped by Trump. Fortunately, I did get a consolation exoneration from the FBI."

UK Government Eyeing Pizza Regulations

In a move to combat what it calls an "obesity epidemic," Public Health England (PHE) is crafting rules to limit the size and number of toppings on pizzas. Dr Alison Tedstone, PHE chief nutritionist, promised that "our efforts will go beyond merely requiring restaurants to add healthier options to their menus. The real problem in our view is that customers could still choose unwisely. If we strictly control what can be offered we can eliminate unhealthy choices so that the consumer cannot make an unwise choice."

Public Health Minister Steve Brine said the Government was "willing to do whatever it takes to keep children healthy and well in this country. If that means dictating what they can and cannot eat, then so be it. Ideally, this should be their parents' job, but too many of them are themselves obese and blind to the risks of overeating."

"Hopefully, we can get the number of calories per individual pizza down to no more than 695," Brine said. "That's about 70% pf the amount in a typical unregulated pie." Asked what would prevent customers from simply buying an additional pizza, the Minister replied that "we are relying on the inconvenience factor combined with the general lethargy of our youth to minimize this risk. If that proves insufficient we are prepared to back it up by surveillance and surprise raids to deter attempts to evade the intent of the rules."
 

Bamby

New member
In Case You Missed It Dept.:

CNN anchors refused to allow a panelist to describe Antifa mobs who were stopping cars and threatening white drivers in Portland as mobs. The warning is clear. If you call Antifa protestors by that name, the Mafia will sue you for defamation of character and ruining the good name of the Mob.

Hillary Clinton gave an interview to CNN in which she told Democrats not to be civil to Republicans, setting both parties onto the political warpath. The next batch of presidential candidates can't wait. Elizabeth Warren will soon travel to Iowa and launch the Me Sioux Movement.

Stormy Daniels's defamation of character lawsuit against President Trump was dismissed by the federal judge in Manhattan Monday. In addition, the judge ruled that the adult film star must pay the president's legal fees. Donald Trump is the only guy I know who can get a hooker to pay HIM.

President Trump this year had offered to give a million dollars to Elizabeth Warren's favorite charity if DNA can prove she's Indian. She's less than one-thousandth. That tiny amount doesn't rate a million dollar payoff, but to be a good sport Trump should buy Liz an all-white Jeep Cherokee.

The Cherokee Nation ridiculed Elizabeth Warren's claim her tribal ancestry is proved by her DNA test. I used to think I was Anglo-Saxon, but my DNA test showed I'm just a drunk. Warren's DNA test showed she is about as Indian as you and I would be from watching an episode of F-Troop.

Elizabeth Warren's campaign TV commercial gives you the choice of either believing that her DNA test proves that she's a Native American or being a racist follower of Trump. The actual DNA test results told another story. Ivory Soap now advertises that it's nearly as white as Elizabeth Warren.

The Cherokee Nation issued a statement Monday denouncing Senator Warren's claim she has DNA proof she's a Native American. They're not kidding around. If Warren is elected president, Eastern Oklahoma will secede from the Union the first time the Marine Band plays Hail to the Chief.

President Trump's lawyers negotiated with Special Counsel Robert Mueller Friday over how Trump will be questioned. The investigation is proceeding at a snail's pace. This week, Robert Mueller has issued subpoenas to D.C. bartenders to find out if, indeed, Kanye West is a Black Russian.

-- Argus Hamilton
 

Bamby

New member
In Case You Missed It Dept.:

King Salman denied complicity in the killing and dismemberment of a reporter at his embassy in Turkey. Social media went through the roof. Facebook issued a warning Thursday stating that if you get a friend request from the King of Saudi Arabia, don't accept it or you WILL get hacked.

Al Gore took the podium at the Climate Conference in San Francisco and declared that we are facing a global emergency and must act immediately. He sounded anxious. Al Gore warned that the world faces a certain catastrophe if we don't spend billions of dollars on his books and documentaries.

House Republicans agreed to spare scientific research from the budget cutting block after a startling new discovery drew national attention. Microbiologists say they just identified the one helix of Indian blood found in Elizabeth Warren's DNA. They're calling it Custer's Last Strand.

A Toronto school board urged English teachers to take To Kill a Mockingbird off its student reading list saying it's racist. It used to be regarded as literature. However, today the book's images of interracial rape, vile rednecks and use of the N-word nineteen times make it a perfect Hip Hop single.

The Mega-Millions Lottery drawing had the nation transfixed Tuesday with its record jackpot amount into the nine figures. Not everyone's happy. Angry Democrats say that the billion-and a-half-dollar jackpot prize is a dirty trick before the midterms designed to create one more Republican.

Senator Elizabeth Warren declared Saturday she took the DNA test to restore people's faith in government. The one-one thousandth Indian blood they found in her DNA wasn't even Native Indian. But you can tell by the new red dot on Liz's forehead she's not going to give up without a fight.

Senator Elizabeth Warren aired an ad saying her DNA proves she's Native American, but an analysis of the percentage shows her to be one-one-thousandth percent Indian. Fellow Senator Cory Booker also got great news. His DNA came back and he's one-one-thousand percent Spartacus.

Elizabeth Warren enlisted professors to vouch that her DNA test proved her Native American claim in her TV ad Monday. The evidence that she's Indian is really weak. Elizabeth produced an old receipt showing that many years ago she sold her Manhattan apartment for twenty-four dollars.

Rosie O'Donnell called for the U.S. military to storm the White House and overthrow President Trump saying he's intolerable. These rants remind of what I like about Meghan Markle. She was the only Hollywood celebrity to keep her promise to move to another country if Trump got elected.

USA Today said lottery fever was epidemic Tuesday over the billion-and-a-half dollars Mega Millions jackpot. The odds of one in three hundred and two million of winning are the longest lottery odds in American history. You have better odds of being Elizabeth Warren's Cherokee ancestor.

The FBI is backtracking package bombs mailed to Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and CNN Tuesday. The postal centers detected and seized them. The fact that none of the bombs went off is an indictment of our education system and proof of what we lost when shop classes were taken away.

-- Argus Hamilton
 

Bamby

New member
In Case You Missed It Dept.:

The New York Police announced they will work with the FBI to track down who sent a tenth package made to look like a bomb to Democrats on Thursday. CNN headquarters in New York was evacuated when it also received a suspicious package. It's believed to have contained Real News.

Joe Biden called for calm Thursday after he became the tenth Democrat last week to be mailed a suspicious package. More information was coming out every hour. Senator Dianne Feinstein revealed she received a bomb in the mail last summer but decided not to say anything about it till now.

Hillary Clinton in an interview Sunday at first demurred about any plans to run for president in two years and when the audience groaned, she quickly added that she'd like the job. That's an understatement. You cannot imagine the tension at the Clinton family dinner table on Presidents Day.

Bill and Hillary Clinton announced the itinerary for their thirteen-city tour after the midterm elections where they will speak onstage and take questions. Had she been elected, you can imagine how Congress would have dealt with her e-mail scandal and Russia donations to the Foundation. By now the Clintons could have achieved their dream of being America's first two-impeachment family.

Barbra Streisand warned Monday that if Democrats don't win control of Congress she might move to Canada. Only in Hollywood do they decide to protest racism by threatening to move to the Great White North. You'll never hear stars say they're moving to Africa, unless there's a per diem.

Hillary Clinton began giving interviews to publicize her upcoming thirteen-city appearances on stage with Bill in which they will each give speeches and answer questions. Hillary indicated that she might run in 2020. I wish her luck with that, two years ago she had enough trouble walking.

-- Argus Hamilton
 
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