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Parents in kids sports make coaches want to quit!

Melensdad

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Normally I stay an arm length away from parents. As an un-paid volunteer coach I defer much of the grief from the parents onto the head-coach/teacher (actual school employee) or the one parent who manages our events.

But today I'm angry. I can see why people don't volunteer their time.

One of the kids on our team is a good kid. He was named co-Captain of the team last night at our awards banquet.

His mom is upset because he was not awarded a "varsity" letter for fencing.

HISTORICALLY the ONLY kids who got "varsity" letters were seniors. Her child is a sophomore, so he will only be a junior next year.

HISTORICALLY we have named sophomores to the position of Co-Captain and none has ever gotten a Varsity letter for being named to the leadership position of co-Captain.

THIS YEAR we decided to introduce a SKILL/PERFORMANCE based system that allows us to reward SUPERIOR fencers with a varsity letter prior to their senior year. It is an OBJECTIVE set of criteria, it is based on the RESULTS a fencer earns in tournaments. Using this criteria it is difficult for a fencer to earn a varsity letter, but we awarded 3 of them to non-senior fencers last night at our awards banquet. All three are superior fencers and they have results to prove their fencing quality.

Just before lunch I got a message from our new co-captain's mom. She (errantly) claimed that prior captains got their varsity letters when they were named captain. As we are a new team only 3 years in a fencing conference, we have had exactly 2 captains. 1, a senior, has been co-captain for 3 years, got her varsity letter last night. The other, a junior, and a superior fencer, was named co-captain last year as a sophomore, she earned a Varsity Letter this year based on our objective skill criteria and also got her varsity letter last night.

The mother then went on to say that kids who earn medals should get a varsity letter. I looked up her son's results, he earned exactly 2 medals. BOTH of which were earned in JUNIOR Varsity events :whistling:

The mother also brought up another point, that being that we award medals after our season ends, which, for seniors means that they get their "letter" at the end of their high school career.

This is an interesting point, but has nothing to do with her son, who is a sophomore. Further, no senior has ever complained, nor has any other parent, about this issue.​

So if I understand her correctly we should give her kid a varsity letter for being a good kid and for making him co-captain ... despite the fact that we have never done this for any other co-captain.

And further, we should award him a varsity letter for being a pretty good JUNIOR Varsity level fencer.

Honestly I was happy being an un-paid volunteer coach yesterday but am thinking of resigning today :hammer:
 

Melensdad

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Well I just heard from my co-coach (the official school employee) and she is pissed off too.

Not sure how this will play out but I told her (my co-coach) that I will NOT reply. If I reply, especially in my current mood, I will be banned from school forever. Really F****** angry.
 

bczoom

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You play in JV, you don't get a letter. Those are the rules. Period.

I do a lot of volunteering as well for the school sports programs but fortunately for me, I can pick my areas of support where I deal with a lot of people but it's not related to the kids performance.
 

Melensdad

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You play in JV, you don't get a letter. Those are the rules. Period.

...

Well in fencing when you have a small team (like we do) some of the kids fence ONLY in Varsity events and some of the kids pull double-duty and fence in JV & Varsity events just so we can field teams that qualify for the minimum size to enter an event.

But the kids who are shoved up into the Varsity events, when they are clearly JV quality fencers, tend to end up in the bottom of the rankings. Its pretty easy to tell them apart when you watch them.

Further, I gave a presentation last night at the awards banquet that I am NOT politically correct and that I refuse to give "participation" awards :hammer:
 

EastTexFrank

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Come on Bob. Give her the letter she so desperately wants. In fact, give her two. "FO" comes to mind. :w00t2::w00t2:
 

NorthernRedneck

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I could never understand the hockey mom mentality. Let the kids play and have fun. That's what it's all about anyway.

Thankfully my kids chose scouts as an after school program. Our second oldest is just getting into baseball now.

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk
 

Melensdad

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I could never understand the hockey mom mentality. Let the kids play and have fun. That's what it's all about anyway.

Thankfully my kids chose scouts as an after school program. Our second oldest is just getting into baseball now.

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk

Good choice :clap:




Come on Bob. Give her the letter she so desperately wants. In fact, give her two. "FO" comes to mind. :w00t2::w00t2:

I think what really honks off this particular mom is that her son is now co-captain, but her son's girlfriend got a Varsity letter at the same banquet for being a better fencer than her son!

The girl on my right is the sophomore who earned a varsity letter. She is the girlfriend of the new co-captain.

The girl on my left is our other co-captain, she just earned her varsity letter too. For being an amazing fencer. She is a junior.

So mom sees these girls getting their varsity letters, one of whom is also a co-captain, the other is her son's girlfriend and she see that her son didn't get a varsity letter. I think she is jealous.
 

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Melensdad

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Well after conferring with the other coach yesterday, she informed me this morning that she spoke with the mom of our new captain.

No concessions were made by the coach(es).

Mom now understands. Not sure if she agrees. Don't care if she agrees. But she at least has heard (again) and understands the positions and decisions of the coaches.

And she now knows that she was factually F****** wrong in what she wrote about the prior captains.
She also had it reaffirmed that her son's medals in JUNIOR Varsity events do NOT qualify him for a VARSITY letter.
She also was informed that her son is not the MOST VALUABLE PLAYER on the team.
She was also informed that one of our freshman girl saber fencers was the MOST IMPROVED fencer on the team.

Her son is welcome to resign his position as co-captain of the team should he so desire. I do not see this as an issue with the son, who is a nice kid. I see this strictly as an issue with the mother. So I highly doubt the son would ever consider resigning as co-captain.
 

Big Dog

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JMO .............. If the athlete participates in more than half the varsity events they should get a letter, I don't care what grade or level their skills are at. It's not their fault you can't field a complete squad of seniors for varsity ranking.

I varsity lettered in baseball my FRESHMAN year in high school. I played on a team of 17 ballplayers. I clearly believe (and obviously my coach) I was the best choice for the 9th man. It deserves to be honored ......... let the hammering begin!
 

EastTexFrank

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Here's my thoughts on the subject.

On coming here in '85, at almost every social gathering you'd meet people, who on finding out that I was Scottish, would ask if I could play or coach soccer. It just so happens that I played competitive soccer from the time I was 9-years old and at every level except full professional. I went to several of these clubs just to observe and see what was going on. I saw a bunch of kids who had tremendous physical potential, who could "play" the game but just needed someone to help them "think" the game. I was actually excited about the prospect until I observed the parents on the sidelines. As a player I was used to having hostile supporters on the sideline but these were the parents who would be "supporting" my team. They spent more time berating the coach of "their" team and the other players on their team, other than their own kids, than they did the opposition.

I walked away and never became involved. Parents destroy kids sports.
 
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NorthernRedneck

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That's what turned me off on signing up the kids for hockey. I didn't particularly want to be in a brawl in the stands with some other parent.

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